Hey IMs,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We had a great relationship, loved being together. Went through a lot of hard times (family member having cancer, troubles with my brother, getting through study, changing jobs etc etc) but made it out on top.
He recently has broken up with me and can’t tell me why. He tells me he loves me, that I’m kind, funny and pretty. That I won’t lose him. But says he can’t be in the relationship.
I’ve told him I would leave him alone for a month (I have a work project I need to finish and feel he needs this time to sort his feelings out) and that we can catch up after that. He said we would do that.
My feeling is that he is scared of taking the next step in commitment. I don’t know what to do as I’ve invested so much love, time and energy into the relationship. He had some trust issues from his past but he knows how committed I am. I don’t think this break up has much to do with me or our relationship. I’m finding it hard to let go of the dreams and plans we had together. I love him so much. He really is my best friend.
Just wondering what people’s thoughts and experiences are...please be kind. X
4 Replies
Have you asked him if there is someone else? Perhaps he's developed feelings for someone and need time to figure out where he wants to be?
Have you been talking about further commitment (engagement, babies) that he has said he's not ready for? If you are happy to put this off then maybe revisit him after you've had this time apart.
Are you ok? Do you have someone close you can confide in. It would be very hard to loose your best friend and not understand why.
My last BF was you in our breakup. Together for 5 years. Happy on all counts. Then my best friends daughter died of SIDS. My view on life altered and I literally broke it off a month later because my whole life path was now different for me. He was shattered and I couldn't really explain it other than to say I just don't want this anymore.
Be kind to him and yourself x
Just prepare yourself., it may not be about you, he may tell you you're still perfect and still go through with a breakup without giving you any more than that.
Actions speak loudest - and he's broken up with you. Ask him for some more honesty.
Prepare yourself for no answers. There aren’t always answers. Sometimes it’s just not right. It could be as simple as not wanting to be in a long term relationship, and that’s ok. He is allowed to not want to commit.
I think, as women we want to dissect and find out a guys ‘issues’ and try and ‘treat them’. It often means we miss the obvious. We interpret his behaviour as being scared, when it might just mean he doesn’t want it.
So it might just be that he isn’t your guy.
Give him the month, but then you need to move on. Don’t hold yourself in a relationship with a guy who has decided he wants out. You’ll just cause yourself more harm and heartache and not achieve anything long term.
If he wants out let him go.
Don’t wait around. Often this is poison to a relationship very seldom do you come back better for it. More often it leaves one insecure in the relationship.
He maybe scared but is that what you want for your life? Tied down to someone who is scared of committing? Do you want someone who is unsure if there feelings?