Right, this is driving me insane. I’m so frustrated. Is anyone else happily married but find they can’t avoid thinking about their first love? It’s starting to cause me so much anxiety. I don’t love him, but my brain keeps diverting to that time of my life with him. I have thought long and hard about it too because honestly I don’t want to be thinking about him. It was a youthful, passionate love which ended after a few years just before I finished high school. My current husband is absolutely adorable, he is the love of my life and such a beautiful father. I figure, as our sex life is stagnant after having a baby, perhaps it’s this part of my youth that my brain is connecting me too. You know, young love, lots of sex, lust, etc; don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t healthy. I have sex to get love, although my first love was very loving. I just had no reservations back then with my body etc; now it’s different. Perhaps, I simply long for that part of who I was then. The bottom line, I want my brain to shut up about it. Anyone else in the same boat?
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How did it end?
I broke it off first. Then when I dated someone else he used to leave sweet letters in my school bag. He then left one saying he couldn’t watch me be with someone else. Eventually the relationship ended and down the line we got back together. It resulted in him breaking up with me. After the break up we went back to his and had sex all weekend. Then Monday at school, he wouldn’t even look at me. A month or so later he wanted to be casual sex buddies, I declined. I saw him a few years later, he told me how beautiful I was. I knew something would of happened that night, so I left and went home. A few messages a month later, we were going to catch up. Never did. Haven’t heard from him since. Although what he did was wrong, I wasn’t perfect. However, definite rejection and abandonment issues. I was so in love.
I have periods of this too. Very similar situations. I just kwep working on pushing it to the back of my mind. It usually is when I am feeling insecure about myself or after massive life changes like having babies ect
Yes me... It's been ten years of this bullshit. I have put it down to not having closure, the relationship was very toxic and abusive and it abruptly ended when I got arrested. So I never had that break up, that moment was my rock bottom.
So for ten years I've thought about what I would say if I ever got the chance. my thoughts are not of love or sex but how I would give myself closure.
Good luck and I hope you find something that works, I've tried many things like writing and burning a letter, speaking to professionals and what not and I'm still regularly plagued by thoughts. My husband knows and he is not concerned but very supporive as he knows what I went through and how that impacted me
I too have been open and honest about it with hubby. He is very supportive. Of course though, I do feel guilt and then anxiety. Freaking out if I still love this guy, which I don’t believe I do. I think it’s the emotions and passion that I want. Which I don’t have at the moment. Post baby body, toddler, full time work and study kinda kills you 😂
Those emotions and passion come from being a teenager. It's why we look back so fondly and it's so special. I went back with mine when we were early twenties and it changed everything, killed the whole romantic memory.
I have another guy I've known my whole teenage years, we moved away but we always kept in touch and we both feel very strongly connected and I think will always, I guess it comes down to growing up together and bonding.
It's ok to hold him special. I think you've realised it's crossed the line into unhealthy when you're comparing or missing it. Think about all the things you do have with your partner in an adult relationship, there's no comparison to a good relationship that works well.
I could of wrote this, I think about my first love all the time, what makes it worse is I see him all the time because my husband and him are friends, I think about all the what if’s, I wouldn’t act on it but though and just see it as a fantasy.
You know, I often drift back to my teenage romances.
It's not because I don't love my partner, it's not because i have any real feelings for my young loves, it's because i really do just miss the "me" I was back then.
I mean, one minute I'm young, energetic, passionate, adventurous, spontanious, carefree and I feel sexy.
Next minute, I'm 30 something with a husband and kids, I have adult responsibilities, the metabolism of a sea slug and I am always so fucking tired 😂
So reminiscing on old times is kinda nice.
To combat it though, i think you really need to do some soul searching and try and "find yourself" again (as cliche and corny as that sounds).
Kind of sounds like your relationship needs some invigoration too. It's really easy to forget to nurture your relationship when you have a baby/kids. So I'd really try and put in some extra effort on that front, hopefully that might reignite your sex life, which I'm sure will help 😉
I am in exactly the same boat as you.
I am very happily married, but still think of him. He was there for my during a very bad relationship and was always someone I could talk to when I needed it. So now whenever hubby and I fight it automatically flips to him.
Its silly, I'd never do anything, but my brain does it automatically. It would be easy if the brain didn't do it, but it does which is frustrating.
Judging by the other replies, you're definitely not alone!
Absolutely all the time, annoys me too. I could've written this myself