Hi Ladies i need advice!!! I ended my relationship of 6 years because i fell out of love. Quick backstory: a year ago i told him we needed to work on our relationship, things were good for a few weeks then reversed back. 6 month later i told him i was losing the will to fight for us and how i was feeling and how i thought we could recconect. Over the last 6 months of all my efforts failing i noticed i was emotionally withdrawaling but by this point id given up. We hadnt been intimate in over 12 months. A few weeks ago i asked him to move out, every conversation we have had thus far i have been honest to a degree as he says he doesnt understand everything was great and i know he is hurt. So i need some advice: am i a bad person for wanting to be happy? He is now telling me that im deliberately screwing with his head and making him suicidal, he has also told numerous other people which is great as he needs help and support but i keep having people come to me at work and telling me i should just get back with him and help him. So now my anxiety which was already pretty bad after the initial break due to being yelled at and abused by his friends everytime i left the house, is at an all time high as i dont know what to do? Please please if anyone can share their story or advice or anything???
4 Replies
You're not responsible for his mental health.
It's not your job to fix him, especially not when that comes at the price of your happiness and mental wellbeing.
His friends are probably concerned for him but they are treating you incredibly unfairly.
You are under no obligation to stay in an unhappy relationship, don't ever feel bad for prioritizing your happiness.
No nobody should be telling you what to do. Nobody could ever claim to know the ins and outs, the only people who tell others how to live have their own agenda and little respect for how that turns out for you, so DISREGARD THEM.
It's been so hard on you that you need some time with no contact from him. Let him seek support from his friends. Do what's best for you.
Whether there's a chance is questionable but there is none unless both sides are willing to work. So at this point there is none.
Go and seek counselling because some of the things you've said hint that you should not go back, but you would need help to sort through it if you are feeling conflicted. Maybe you can work it out, slowly, with help, maybe not, but right now it's definitely not good for you.
This is classic emotional abuse on his part!
Of course he knew things were not great, you’d told him so! He knows exactly what the problems were, he just chose to ignore them believing you’d never really leave.
You left, now he is escalating! Creating a woah is me story so people will apply pressure. You gave him every opportunity to work on this relationship and he threw it away.
Tell people that when they apply pressure. Tell them you’d given him plenty of chances, he chose to waste them.
Stop talking to him. It’s giving him the impression he is in with a chance.
You have every right to be happy. If he threatens suicide call the police and ambulance. And don’t contact him unless it’s about the kids and so that in text or email.
In my experience, the suicide threat from a broken man is a last ditch effort to bring you back. it's the feel sorry for me, I need you, cry for you to not leave. please note this is in my own personal experience, i do not in any way think it is 100% of men in this situation.
this behaviour sucked me back in at first, which ment that the man got his way. it was never long before things were back to what they were and I wanted out again. I wasted 4 years going around in this circle, the 2nd last time I left he told me he had testicular cancer, and was not ment to live past 6 months. ( he is still alive 10 years later)
see men and women lie to get what they want, they will involve friends and family, they only ever plead their own case though. with regards to friends and family, tell them what's going on. why you decided to leave, how long you have been fighting this battle. let them know your side. generally they will back off.
with regards to the suicide threats, what i found worked was telling them that you are concerned for them and that you will send the police around to perform a well being check. you need to distance yourself in order for him to stop mentally manipulating you.
as far as the friends approaching you at your work, no one needs that, stop the conversation immediately, tell them you are at work, and this is not the time or place to discuss anything. you can make arrangements to speak to me later.
his friends attacking you where you live, be honest, let them know that the verbal diarrhea they just vomited is not going to fix things. perhaps even let them know it just makes the situation worse.
strength is within you when you need it. the opinions, thoughts and feelings of outside parties mean nothing, they were not in your relationship, they do not know the fight you have had. let them know that.
keep your cool, dont scream and yell at them, dont stoop to their level. it is easy to blindside someone just by remaining calm, when they do not get the screaming and yelling back, they tend to calm down pretty quick.
best of luck to you, I hope you are able to see through all the bs and find your happiness.