My heart is in pieces. A few months ago my boyfriend went out on a boys night with his employees, he ended up staying over in a hotel room that the boys had booked, when I asked him who was in the room he said "just me and the boys", the next day he was acting funny, telling me he was a "piece of sh*t boyfriend". Two days later gave me his phone to send myself a pic that we took of ourselves, right there in his photos were photos of girls in the hotel room - he had been busted lying. He had spent the night in the hotel with a bunch of random girls that they picked up but denied anything actually happened. I was utterly heartbroken but wanted to believe him so badly so just let it slide. Fast forward a month or so, we ended up having a big chat and I expressed to him how important it is to me that he messages me when he wakes up, and how I feel he isn't as invested in the relationship the way I am, he claimed he felt the same way about me, was fully committed and could see a long term future with me, he also acknowledged that he knew it made me feel special for him to message me when he wakes up and promised to try harder...which he did for a few weeks....I went away with my kids for a week, and he just didn't bother at all, to the point I just felt sadder and sadder every single day. He completely neglected me. I ended up emailing him and putting in writing how he was making me feel, we have now split up. But I feel utterly heartbroken!!! all the red flags were there from the start, he didn't want me around his kids, he had nothing to do with my kids, he was hostile to his ex, he was into titty girls and hiring topless waitresses to serve drinks at his Xmas party in his workshop, he was always bust..but never too busy to drink beers with the boys! he would only see me every second weekend when we were both kid-free, he was basically using me as his rebound to get over his ex. Rational me can see all this, but nothing seems to be healing the pain he has caused me. I feel like such a fool for trusting him, but also miss having him in my life. Any advice ladies on how to heal my heart?
12 Replies
I wouldn't go as far as saying his was cheating. All relationships have different boundaries and terms of respect.
My husband stays in hotels with "the boys" and women come back, strippers.. but I trust that he is not physically cheating on me. They always have topless waitresses etc. - it's all about boundaries and what suits your relationship. It sounds like you were on two different levels and what you expected from the relationship was not what he was willing to put in.
I think you're kidding yourself!
Think what you like, I know him better than anyone on the Internet could :)
You might think you know him but behind closed doors away from you with sex workers and strippers i bet u don't know him at all!
I think your kidding yourself too its seedy and disrespectful to you ! No woman wants there man hanging around strippers whether its within boundaries yuk you ate trying to hard to please your man and putting no boundaries in there your setting yourself up for disaster! Any man okay with his wife okay with this kinda of thing is wrong , really can not believe he is mr innocent pack mentality is proven I'd rather be single than be with a sleaze yuk ! He basically is having the life and your going along with it !
I think this commenter is fine. My husband has some single mates and they have friends that are of the belief that what their wife doesn't know is fine. Hubby has had titty waitresses and phones me to laugh about how they were weird looking. They've also all picked up chicks. Hubby phones me walking home alone while they're sealing the deal, we talk until he falls asleep and he phones me in the morning (early) saying he's grabbing breakfast and coming home because he doesn't want to witness their hookups walks of shame when they all finally wake. Men can absolutely be around this occasionally and not betray their wife. The thing is, this guy lied, wasn't in contact and then displayed guilt.... So chances are he did do the wrong thing. But I'd say the person that commented just has a relationship that is solid.
Op of this comment and thank-you, you definitely understand what I’m meaning :) hubby too phones me whilst it’s going on and relays all information to me about his whereabouts and who is in the room. He will stay on the phone to me even via FaceTime at times so I fully trust he is just in the presence of it. He has nothing to hide. It’s great yours husband is too the same. It’s just occasional it’s not often and hasn’t harmed our relationship.
Strippers are there for the $$ not the D
That's not entirely true, there are strippers who do more than that if there's money involved. But you ladies sound like you trust your men and they probably wouldn't be discussing everything if they were up to no good so I don't think you have to worry.
It's normal to grieve the end of a relationship, you just gotta feel the feelings, process it and move on.
I'm sure you'll wake up one day and realise you dodged a bullet. Dude doesn't exactly sound like boyfriend material.
It’s normal to grieve the end of a relationship, even a bad one.
Keep reminding yourself you deserved better and this isn’t the kind of guy you’d have wanted to stay with long term.
It will get easier.
He was cheating and you have done the right thing. It isn’t easy now but it will get easier and you will find someone who you deserve. You dodged a bullet and got out while you could. He is the loser here. Find yourself and enjoy time alone then get out there girl and enjoy your life.
Time will help that feeling, but all I can say is well done for recognising you and kids deserve more and not taking any less.
High five girl, you made the right choice.