Hey,
Does anyone ever start crying when there partner leaves? He went out with friends again, he is only home for a week every 3 weeks. So I get he wants to get out and about but I literally spend 2 weeks wrestling kids and animals, I get so stressed, I just want him to spend some time with me. I have social anxiety so at times he is the only adult I talk to.
The other part is I'm not allowed to go out, on the rare occasions I try to force myself to, he either says he can't handle the kids on his own (not his bio kids), or he says we can't afford it when we actually have money, he says my friends don't really like me, that they just use me or he doesn't like there partner's. There's always a reason.
He told me to quit smoking, I did, he told me to cut back on alcohol, I did that, I've tried to change for the better for him.
Tonight when he tried to go out, he offered me a drink, as if that was supposed to make him leaving all better.
I recently told him I'm not handling life, the housework and the pressures of parenting, that I've been getting suicidal thoughts, he is really supportive until he gets home, then it seems like he uses it against me, like you said you aren't handling stuff, so why are you doing a, b and c etc.
I've told him I want to separate (in the past) and he says it will be my fault when he loses the house, it's in both of our names and he can't afford to refinance atm. He has told me I'll be all by myself if we breakup, that I'll really be all alone, He has also said he'd kill himself, if I leave him in the past but if I ever mention it, he says he never said it. But I know he did. I've had to call his family over because I thought he was going to do it. I didn't just imagine having to do that.
What should I do ?
12 Replies
This is emotionally abusive and controlling behaviour. He is using emotional blackmail to keep you in that relationship and you're miserable while he is doing whatever he pleases.
End this relationship now! You do not deserve this behaviour and neither do your kids. You want a partner to help and support you, but this bloke is not it.
See if you can buy him out, if you can't sell and start fresh.
This bloke is abusing and gas lighting you. He won't ever ever EVER change so ask yourself, do you want a happy life for you and your kids... Or do you want to continue this one?
Life is short. Time to move on if this isn't a good man for you.
You're at the end of your rope. It's completely understandable. Hjome comes first, him wanting to see people is not even a factor.
Then when you say you want to separate for him to simply put more blame on you for something like a house - that's the height of bullying. Where is the care from this man? With that mentality you have no choice but to leave. Houses are things. Your mental health and happiness is everything. I'm sorry you've being treated this way, it makes life with kids extremely unhappy and hard.
Get out now!!
Red flags. Nothing but red flags.
Leave and never look back. You deserve better x
I could have written this myself 10 years ago. One day my ex was telling me if I left him I’d be alone for the rest of my life , who would want a woman with 3 kids ( his bio kids) and something just snapped and I decided I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than spend one more day with him. 10 years on he hasn’t seen the kids I’m re majored with another child to a wonderful man and my kids all refer to my hubby as Dad - their choosing. My advice is make a plan to leave safely as this is a highly abusive relationship
He is controlling you...!!!! Get out. Too bad if he is suicidal,what do you think will happen to you if you stay living like this. Stop letting him do this to you.!! Get away from him and let him live his life. You will be much happier. So what if he has to tell the house, it’s not your problem, it’s his to deal with.
He is controlling you...!!!! Get out. Too bad if he is suicidal,what do you think will happen to you if you stay living like this. Stop letting him do this to you.!! Get away from him and let him live his life. You will be much happier. So what if he has to tell the house, it’s not your problem, it’s his to deal with.
all these things he does is to keep you exactly where you are..!! You need to get out and don’t look back. Once you do get our, you get your share of the house because you know he will start all this with the house also to control you. Get the house sold or him pay you out and get out An don’t look back.
Leave! Think about yourself and your children. I know from a very similar situation that the best thing to do is get out. I know it’s not easy too. Also Don’t listen to him as he’s trying to manipulate you.
Leave! Think about yourself and your children. I know from a very similar situation that the best thing to do is get out. I know it’s not easy too. Also Don’t listen to him as he’s trying to manipulate you.