Hi, I have a 18 month old, and I feel as if I don't have control of her behavior. Its like she just walks all over me. Am i the only one with this feeling. I tell her no, but she doesn't listen at all and when I take the item away she throws the biggest tantrums. She has this thing of hitting her head, no matter where she is she will hit her head on the floor, cupboard, couch anything thats in front of her.and not a light hit either, she has given herself bruises. once she is over it, she rubs her head and says 'ouch', but that doesnt stop her from doing it the next time. I want to discipline her, Using a time out type of situation, but don't even know where to start with that. How do you get a 18month old to stay in one spot. I also want to use a reward system aswell for when she is well behaved. I hate going out the the shops with her.. all she wants is to hop out of the trolley and run.. I see so many other mums with the child happily in the trolley, yet mine is winging, squirming and trying to get out of the trolley herself. I feel so incompetent. Help with any advice please!
3 Replies
Firstly your not alone. If you scroll back through others questions you'll realise that there are so many questions just like yours! I think I've answered the head hitting thing 10 times. 18 mths is hard because they really aren't quite ready for time out and star charts (there is always an exception to that rule) but are heading for the terrible twos. Positive reinforcement for kids that age are hugs, tickles, kisses and praise and catching her being good will win through in the end. Making sure you always follow through with requests and wording them in a way she understands helps (so modify language to suit). In the trolley give her something to amuse her and involve her in the shop. I had to talk to my son and sing nursery rhymes etc and eventually I didn't need to give so much attention. With the head banging don't react to it. I never think at this age it hurts to go through all the milestone checks just to reassure that language is developping as it should etc because language not developping can show up as behavioural problems etc
Lol my 18 month old has been terrible towing since one, I started time outs with her at 14 month I think, it's a small barricaded corner and she was never in for longer than 30 seconds , when she come out I give her a cuddle and explain why she was in there pointing at the tv saying no don't touch it took about 2 day of consistency to get her to stop touching the tv now if I threaten time out it works 90 percent of the time she thinks about it then walks away or just looks at it
Now at 18 month she has about 4/5 tantrums a day I just reall choose my battle and avoid things that will set her off
I'm lucky in that when she has a tantrum. She places her head ever so gently back before having it lol but I just walk away and over the past month her tantrums are declining he has just started hitting and boing in anger in the last few weeks now so we are dealing with that , I say a firm no and walk away from her
Just try different approaches for a week and find what works we haven't need to use timeout for a month now cos she is good with what she is and isn't to touch and shopping was a realy nightmare for me I started 3 months ago saying hads behind your back no touching and walking with my hands behind my back and she does this 95 prevent of the time now then I involve her totally now my shop takes longer but it works she pulls the basket that has wheels, I ask her to grab something instead of my getting it and put it in the basket
Or if she won't help some days she sits in the big part of te trolley (but this often turns bad as she loves to throw things out
And when all else fails I bribe her with biccis. Biccis are my saving grace sometimes she eats a really healthy diet but biccis are the sugar she gets and I'm so fine with it lol
Try to remember her frustration too her mind is ahead of her capabilities at the moment can you imagin knowing what you want and not being able to communicate it?! How frustrating?!? I throw tantrums too lol
My main advice that's worked for me (and every single person who knows my daughter comments on how I have my work cut out for me since she was about 8 months old , she is determined and strong willed and stubborn and older than her age) is pic you battles wisely!!! If it's not a safety issue or a major moral issue let it be
Some days my girl does my head in but she is so polite and so funny and so so so cheeky and really clever so try to focus on positives when you havea bad day cos I know I have them where I just feel like I'm. Not able to help her with what she needs ,
Maybe try putting her on a lots of pillows when she tantrums and walk away till she calms or come to you
And if you have a strong willed bub like mine remind your self that attributes that might make your life as their mum harder than other that they are actually positive attributes In the future good luck
I think you might need to reassess your expectations of a child so young. She might understand the word "no" but she also cannot control her impulses. She isn't able to deal with her "big" emotions yet so she is taking her frustration/sadness etc out physically.
I highly recommend getting hold of and reading Pinky McKay's book Toddler Tactics. It explains the developmental stages as well as giving some excellent tips for setting boundaries/dealing with for your children.