My husband won’t go down on me. He says vaginas are ugly to look at and smell bad. Whilst this isn’t a deal breaker as my needs can be met in other ways it is something I do enjoy and am finding I’m missing it. He does not expect me to go down on him so there is no double standard or selfishness involved and he has never hidden his feelings on this. I am wondering if you wise women have any suggestions on how I could try and ease him into it.
30 Replies
If he was going to be eased into it it would have happened ages ago. Respect his boundaries like you’d like your boundaries respected.
Unfortunately I don't think it's going to happen. Sounds like he's made it pretty clear it's something he doesn't want to participate in and you have to respect his boundaries.
I'm with him. I wouldn't like doing it either. Do you really want him doing that if he doesn't enjoy it? How is this different to a man saying his wife doesn't like anal and how can he get her to agree. Much more respectable to just accept their boundaries
Yeah, pretty much gonna reiterate the other comments.
You can't really ease someone into something they don't find enjoyable, you're just wearing them down til they finally agree.
This has obviously been discussed between you guys before, so I'm sure he would've let you know if he was willing to compromise.
Maybe his bi/ gay but not come out?
How did you get that? He doesn't like oral, not sex. Two different things.
So because I don't like giving blow jobs I must be bi/gay right? What a ridiculous assumption
Lol. In that case, I'm a lesbian and my husband is gay.
Vaginas are the ugliest thing ever. Not helpful just agreeing with hubby 😂
If he doesnt like it , he doesn't like it . No point easing him into something he clearly isn't interested in . You can't force him to so just forget the idea.
I would struggle without my partner wanting to do this but I would of clarified he was down for it at the start.
I think, knowing from the start kinda means, you have to accept it.
I would struggle without my partner wanting to do this but I would of clarified he was down for it at the start.
I think, knowing from the start kinda means, you have to accept it.
There’s a toy with a suction function!! I don’t know what it’s called but I’m sure another lady or two might know what it’s called.
As long as he’s not expecting it of you and he’s cool with it being that way then no problems. Personally I enjoy a good tongue lashing but I understand not all men are into putting their whole face into a vagina.
I don’t really enjoy sucking on a dick (due to jaw issues) but I’m still happy to give it a warm up.
The satisfyer pro ;)
It shouldn’t smell bad?
Damn my man would eat pussy for breakfast lunch and dinner if I let him. I don’t dare bend over if I am naked
If your vagina smells that bad that you partners doesn’t want to put his face near it I would suggest a visit to your gp. Vaginas have their own aroma but they shouldn’t smell
I think he just doesn't like the smell of the area. Not that the poster has a particularly smelly one.... Heaps of men are the same, and frankly, it the only reason I could absolutely, never be a lesbian. Putting my mouth on any vajayjay is a turn off to me!
I think just leave it be, I wouldn't be ok with my husband forcing me to do something I didnt enjoy.
But maybe ask him if he would be ok with giving it a go in the shower. But make it clear that it's ok if he doesn't want to.
Honestly I don't like going down on hubby nothing to do with him i just don't like it so I don't do it anymore. I don't think you should expect him to do it. Just my opinion
What if this post was from a male saying my partner doesn’t like sucking my penis but how can I ease her into it? I’m sure there would be a massive uproar, you can’t force someone to do something they clearly don’t like and you have known from the start. Don’t try to pressure him into anything, buy more toys, simple
And if you didn't like giving blow jobs and he tried to "ease" you in to it?
Give it a rest, and leave him alone.
If he doesn't want to do it, that's 100% fine.
You married him knowing he didn't like oral.
If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to do it and you shouldn’t try and sway his decision. NO MEANS NO
There are other ways you can get a similar feeling to oral. It's not the same but being under running water can help. Would just let him go. He doesn't need to do it if he doesn't want to. I mean I've been with a guy who liked to be deep throated and I hated giving him oral because it was gross and felt wrong. I don't think many people really like it they just do it to get it back in return.
I never wanted to give my bf oral I thought it was gross and never wanted to do it, I was very upfront about this from the start. My Bf was great, didn’t pressure me, still gave me oral too, often. A few years later I just decided to try it not sure why, I can’t remember exactly just that I wanted to. We’ve been together 18ys now and now I love giving him oral.
So no real advice just my story, he may grow to like it, he may not.
Could try and take him to the sex shop and get him to choose a flavour of lube. I use it on my partner as I don’t like giving head, but he enjoys it so I try my best. But if his totally not keen then that’s ok too. His allowed to not to
You can get flavoured lubricants, maybe get him to try with that. Can find ones for the ladies and the blokes made especially for head. Otherwise, his allowed to not enjoy it. Same with you not liking something, shouldn’t be forced into it.
Pretty sure with his feelings as strong as they sound against it, they won't change! You will have to live without it!
Nothing you can do really. My husband loves doing it and while he is great at it, I really do not enjoy it(feels good but it’s a okay hurry up and get over it), I let him do it for him rarely but would rather not.
You might love it but he has told you that he does not want to do it. I think you just need to accept his decision and find a toy that stimulates female oral for you. If that doesn't cut it stiff shit. I grew up being considered as one of the boys and was often hearing the boy talk about girls smelling or tasting funny or girls being bad in bed both orally and during sex. Hearing those things for years as a virgin terrified me of ever giving or getting oral. My ex badgered me for our whole 2 year relationship telling me one day I would give him a blowjob and also made it clear the favour would never be returned. I never ever even considered doing it because he considered it a necessary requirement of any relationship he will have. My fiance I told from the beginning I wouldn't do it and you just have to deal with it cause I won't put up with constant demands or whinging that I don't do it, but also that I didn't enjoy it and so I don't expect it anyway. He went down on me once during the early years and I still hated it. But not once in the first 5 years of our relationship did he ever ask let alone demand that he get a blowjob. I decided to try and get over my issues with giving one and it has now become a part of our foreplay routine because I had it so built up in my head that it was going to taste bad, smell bad and I was going to be awful. When he has been working hard it smells a bit because sweat builds, so go shower. When he's just peed but wants sex, go shower. He knows my rules about it and respects them and even now that I do give them he does not expect me to give them but once in a while and only once foreplay has already begun will he ever request me to go down. And it still took me a further year from that to let him repay the favour and I actually enjoyed it this time around because the relationship wasn't based on expectations, there was no comments made about me to make me feel uncomfortable and I had finally learnt to get out of my head and forget all that boys talk I grew up hearing. And guess what, he did it very rarely cause he hated it to begin with so I didn't push the issue aside from asking if there was anything I could do that might make it better for him. (Shower just beforehand, flavoured lube or any other ideas he might have). Since that I make sure to be freshly showered if I think there may be sex and he's just learnt that half of his problem was also in his head. Reassurance that he was doing a good job was all he needed to continue. But it's not a request you can push to happen. If he chooses to do it then congratulations and fucking enjoy it! Until then and in case of never find a toy that stimulates oral sex for women. Forcing the issue does not help.
Buy an oral simulation toy and use it together during foreplay. If he doesn't want to go down on you, he doesn't have to, and you still get the sensation you're looking for with mutual participation.