My step daughter is with us 10-20 days every 6 weeks. She is 4. She started to be toilet trained and dummy less by the time she was 2 because she was living with us but once she went back to mum nappies and dummies are being put on to her - nothing I can change i know.
However, she was just with us for 4 weeks and my partner has this idea of how to toilet train her and its very irritating in my eyes but I don't know how to tell him this isn't the right way to go on about it without criticising him or stepping on his toes.
She goes to the toilet before bedtime and when he goes to the toilet at night, he wakes her up and sits her on the toilet. It wakes the entire house up because she cries and hates it, sometimes it goes on for good 10 minutes, crying until she pees. Rarely it's done without hesitation and cries. Sometimes he doesn't get her in time and she wetted the bed she is in. Sometime hers and sometimes ours, at least 3x a week....
I don't know but I think this routine he is creating is very irritating since I have to work the next day, bubba is totally upset... She is deeeppp asleep and gets woken up to sit in a bright bathroom on a cold toilet..... Even though she does pee every time and in those 4 weeks, she woke up twice to say she needs to pee which I think was more like a coinsidince but he truly things its his way of training that's doing it.
She is back with her mum now. He spoke to Bio mum and said that he is toilet training her and that she never wears a dummy. However mum still does her thing... Nappies every night and the dummy... she is nearly 5....I think the toilet draining would be coming automatically? I remember not wanting to wear a nappy anymore and I still wetted the bed occasionally once a month....
I know I can't change the way of her mum doing things but how can I tell my partner kindly that the way he is trying to train her ain't working?
I personally think it's a brain thing. And to train her to wake up in the middle of the night every night and then to go back to mum wearing nappies all the time doesn't do anything aren't I right?
What would you advise us to do and how can I out it on to him Without stepping on his toes?
I silently change the bedding when it's wetted, but I think there is a time for things
6 Replies
I’m not sure that there is any one right way. Just like all kids are different. All kids get there at different times.
In saying that I’m not sure it’s ideal to interrupt her sleep. She may end up staying dry thru the night but may wake every few hours so you may swap one problem for another.
I stopped over night nappies after I noticed the nappies were dry for several days in a row and have never looked back.
I do think you need to establish some routine for this little girl. Where she feels comfortable in her surroundings and she can rely on her routine.
Some kids take til 7-8 before they stop bedwetting. There can also be medical reasons for bedwetting in that the child doesn’t develop a specific hormone that wakes them when they need to go. This isn’t seen as an issue until after 8. Take a breath. Night toilet training is tricky the most important thing is that you don’t make a big deal when she wets the bed. Stress and shame and anxiety can make it worse.
Night dryness is a hormonal thing not a learning thing. The "dream wee" is a common training tool but in my opinion not helpful. Better to use pull ups or brolly sheets and let her develop in her own time.
I agree with you. You can tell your pattner that because she's in two homes he needs to take that into consideration and go gently. She is putting up with more than most kids already lots of change and adjustment and doing things differently for chunks of time here and there.
That's really hard for any one. Try to appeal to him to give her a break. It cant be all the way he wants and I get as a parent thays hard, but you have to let go for your kid sometimes. If mothers still using nappies then there is absolutely no benefit to training her for 4 weeks only. She's sleeping soundly at night, that's an awesome thing.
I stopped night nappies when my little one was waking up dry regularly and had been toilet trained for the days for ages.
You can’t toilet train for night. It’s a chemical thing. My eldest wet at night until 9, middle child was 3 and youngest 6. Every kid is different. However disturbing the sleep of a young child may cause damage to a growing brain. I read a study about it years ago. If I find it again I’ll post it here.
The parents prob should attend mediation, develop a consistent parenting plan across both households for this poor little girl.
I’d be leaving her in pull ups at night til consistently dry overnight, and I think that whatever the primary carer is doing, it should be respected and replicated in your home