Daughter 13 and her period
Help please I don’t know what else I can do to get it through her head she now needs to be hygienic and clean more change pads regularly and put dirty washing in the wash not hide them in her draws
I have tried so hard to talk to her about all this but I have to go through everything in her room to find dirty undies used pads and I can’t take anymore
Is there somewhere I can take her to talk to someone about it without her freaking out on me
12 Replies
You can possibly see a councillor to talk to her or an aunty type person, sometimes coming from someone else teenagers hear better.
Have you tried to modibods underwear? Kinda doesn't help the dirty clothes situation but it will stop the used pads everywhere.
This must be so frustrating for you. Sending you loads of food vibes
I had a really tough time when I first got mine. It straight up came down to embarrassment, every time my mum talked about it made me more embarrassed. I probably would have died if she sent me off to a counselor or something to talk about it so I really don't think that's the best approach. I think you sense that as well hence your worry of her freaking out!
I'd make sure she has a bin in her room, a hamper, ask her if she'd be more comfortable doing her own washing, some modi body period underwear is a brilliant idea too, they make you feel more normal (do you remember that awful feeling of having a surf board in your pants when you were getting used to periods?) and lastly it's important to give her a bit of a breather about this - give her some time to figure this is out.
Thanks for your comment she knows how to do washing I have told her that if she has a accident then to soak them and she knows what to do I really didn’t want a big in her room because of the smell but I have had a lot of people say get her a bin but there is one in the kids bathroom and also one in mine that I said for that time of the month she can go to my bathroom.
I know when I got mine I was at a sleep over and ran all the way home crying to tell my mum she didn’t even tell me I cleaned her room and found all dirty washing. Sometimes I just wonder if I’m a bad mum because she won’t open up to me but with this I just don’t know what else to do the more I talk to her about what to do the more she closes off on me
You need to pick your battles. Put a bin in her room and invest in some black modibodis. That way there is no staining etc and no leaks on clothes.
I wouldn’t want to be signalling to everyone that I have my period by using my mums loo either.
You’ve got to make it less of a big thing for her.
I agree, pick your battles and give more to meet her need where she is. I absolutely hate having my period at someone else's house or when I have visitors, even family. I still wont use a bathroom bin either and Im almost 40.
In regard to getting her speaking to you about it. Do you speak openly about yours? Not just handling it, but in general things like feeling off and knowing that's the day before, being super moody, or sore and crampy, short tempered, getting panadol and chocolate etc etc. I think if you were to start doing that thrown into casual conversation then you might find her start to do the same.
Just keep it between you two, private from her siblings.
I'd imagine she's too embarrassed, so too embarrassed to use a bin in a toilet, to put knickers in the wash, to give them to you when you ask. so what can you do... a bin in her room? A small laundry bag in her room to 'hide'the dirty knickers, show her how to run a load of washing, show her she can put them in with clothes/towels or whatever it is and where to dry them (imagine hanging them out is embarrassing especially if stained).
A psychologist. She doesn’t have to attend initially, I think having a chat about positive strategies and your daughters history can really help.
I really struggled with it all at first too. My mum helped me put strategies in place. I was just so embarrassed and uncomfortable with it all!
Embarrassment 100% Remember when it felt your body was out to get you? Just normalise it with her. Put a packet of brown paper bags and a small bin with a lid in her room for disposal, buy her a bottle of Sard degreaser pre-wash spray to spray her knickers if they're marked and a small travel sized washing bag. Let her know that the sooner they go in the wash the less likely her pants will stain, as long as the pre-wash has an hour or so to do its thing and being in a bag she doesn't need a whole load of her stuff, she can pop in a set of sheets or wash the families towels and it won't matter. Ask her if she's in pain as that'll make her less agreeable about the whole thing too. Good luck, hopefully she gets her head around these changes soon. I still think it sucks and I'm over 40 lol.
First of all your not a bad mum. Your learning too.
I was this teenager and she is 100% embarassed. I think maybe just tone it down because this is just a stage at the moment. Just let her find her feet without breathing down her neck about soaking period stained undies and using your toilet and placement of a bin. (By the way, there is no way in hell I would of soaked period stained undies at 13. That woukd of been so embarrassing if one of my siblings saw that bucket or even my mum, easier to hide them or throw them in the bin!) Put the bin in her room. Get some scented liners if you're worried. Its one week a month until she feels more confident with her period.
I did this exact thing at her age
I would hide them in my draws and even forget about them, my mum would find them and even the dog would sometimes
Coming from someone who did this it was out of embarrassment and awkwardness.
For some reason I felt embarrassed to put them in the big bin.. i would sometimes wrap them up put them in my hangbag and put them in a bin when I was out somewhere.
I never had a bin in my room, toilet or bathroom so I never knew what to do with them and having a dad and brother and my mother who had a hysterectomy, I felt alone.
Don’t take her to a councillor I would just provide her with a bin and perhaps some coloured bags so they can be hidden. Ask her if she wants to do her own washing, show her how to use it and allow her the privacy to do her own washing. This is how I overcome it. When my parents left the house I would wash all my clothes everyday.
I am an adult with kids of my own now and I will make sure when the time comes my daughters have a bin, extra underwear and know how to use the washing machine.
I wouldn’t worry to much about it, she will one day stop doing this, she is young and periods are a new thing to a 13 year old girl who is already going through a lot.
I remember when I was younger I hid my undies, only because I was soooo embarrassed and didn’t want my mum to find them in the wash. Maybe teach her how to do her own washing, and like others have said, get her her own little Laundry basket maybe for her room or get her a laundry zip up bag for underwear so she can maybe put them in there and zip it up and then put it in the wash.