I’m really struggling.
I’m married with a 6yo (seperated with his father when I was pregnant with him, we now coparent 50/50) and have two sons (4 and 1) to my husband.
My 6yo has anxiety and ADHD. He’s always had a rocky relationship with my husband. My husband gets angry easily and I sincerely disagree with his discipline and parenting.
He wonders why my son is naughty, and it’s because my husband has zero positive interactions with him. He ignores him, or gets angry at him for doing something annoying. My son is attention seeking, and the only thing that gets a reaction is bad behaviour.
My husband refuses to acknowledge that he’s contributing to the disrespectful behaviour. My son isn’t innocent but he’s 6. He’s learning to swear/call people names/rage from my husband. Husband thinks my son is just a naughty kid and doesn’t want to put up with him.
I’m really stuck.
10 Replies
You have to put your son first. I’m sorry but if he can’t parent your child in a respectful, thoughtful manner then he has to go.
Your son is totally innocent in this situation, because he is the child. Your husband holds all the power to change the situation and is choosing not to.
That’s not ok or acceptable in my book. It sucks, but to be fair to your son, can you imagine your mum marrying someone and forcing you to live with someone who didn’t like you, and was verbally abusive?
You chose to marry and have kids with somebody that emotionally and verbally abuses your 6 year old child. We’re you that blind sided or in that much need for a partner that you didn’t see the red flags before walking down the aisle and popping out his kids? If he has a good father then I suggest making him the permanent cater for this boy. I’m sure he wouldn’t like knowing that his child is being treated like this while he is at his “mothers” house. Put your kids first, it’s only going to get worse.
Why would you have children to a man who treats your son this way? Is it any wonder your son has anxiety when 50% of his life he contends with a man who ignores him.
The best outcome for your son is for you to loose your husband. Or let him live with his father and hope his father has better taste in step parents than you have!
Really helpful - NOT.
I’m sure all your choices in life have not been perfect you dirty troll. This mum is asking for help not abuse
No troll but this woman needs to take responsibility for her choices. You may not like the truth.
And I offered fair solutions- what is not fair is the current situation this child endures.
Yes and your solutions could have been offered without the insult. She’s here trying to make it better for her son and for her family. To “loose” her husband leaves 2 other children without a dad not really a great solution. A better solution would be to help husband and son build a healthy and safe relationship.
That assumes he is capable of being a good father to his own sons.
I have no empathy for a man who could treat a child that way. He walked in knowing she had children.
I can speak from your husbands point of view as a partner of someone with a child with ADHD. Although I would say that I’m not easily angered and I certainly don’t swear at my kids.
My husbands son was a lot like what you described at that age. I already had 2 children older so I had a parenting style that seemed to work. I mistakenly believed that if I engaged with my stepson, tried to build a relationship, paid interest etc things would be ok. Having had no idea or experience with ADHD I found my efforts to be completely flawed. After 2 years I was where your husband is now. Exhausted and fed up. I would hate for you to end up how we have so can I share my list of things that would have helped
1. Get on the same page with your husband. Get to relationship counselling and find a way to talk about it in a safe environment and put a plan into place
2. You have to be responsible for discipline for your son.
3. Get you husband to attend your sons psychologist appointment so he can ask questions and get some advice.
4. You husband may need anger management counselling- tread carefully suggesting this.
5. Have clear rules that apply to all the children.
Sadly this caused huge damage to our relationship. I agree with the other commentators- this will get worse if YOU don’t address it now. Big hugs
Put YOUR child first. That's it.
Jesus that's no environment for a 6 year old boy with enough struggles already.
If this was a stranger treating your boy like that youd be livid and be removing him from any access. Why aren't you?