Hi Ladies, This is a long post so please bear with me!
I’ve posted in the past about my cousin’s Mother in law about her causing so much drama about what my cousin’s daughter wears such as leopard print etc. Well, the other week my cousin was invited to go out to the shops and for a coffee with her daughter and mother in law. My cousin asked me to come along too as we are very close and I know how awful her MIL can be so I did go with them all.
Anyway, we were at the cafe firstly and that went fine we had a good talk and coffees. Then as we went into the shopping centre my cousin straight away noticed a shop (pretty sure it was Bardot Junior) for babies, toddlers and kids. We all went inside and that’s when the drama started. My cousin’s MIL has no shame and no filter with her mouth and it was embarrassing for my cousin and I. Basically my cousin took an outfit off the racks and was going to try it on her baby girl but her MIL grabbed it off of her so aggressively and yelled at her saying “Are you for real?! This is something you’d see on that show toddlers and tiaras! Put it back now! My granddaughter won’t be wearing that over my dead body!” The outfit was very cute and stylish. It had a sparkly, pink tutu skirt with a white and pink striped bodysuit and a blue denim jacket. Her MIL hated the sparkles and again made my cousin feel like shit! We got out of that store and her MIL continued to upset my cousin with her rubbish and then said she was going home and will pick out some clothing online by herself for my cousin’s daughter instead. My cousin snapped. She told her to mind her own f*cking business about what HER daughter wears and that she wants nothing to do with her anymore. I also stood up for my cousin and then her MIL verbally attacked me as well throwing insults at me. Everyone was looking at us and by this point I told my cousin “let’s go, we’ll get a taxi back to my place with bubs” (I don’t drive and my cousin’s MIL picked her up) We got back to mine and then my cousin called her husband in tears about his mother. Her husband doesn’t give a shit! He thinks my cousin is being overly sensitive and that his mum is just very strong willed and opinionated about what she thinks etc.
MIL has not spoken to my cousin ever since and her husband has been being nasty to her like it was her fault! Unbelievable.
What do you ladies think of all of this?? Any recommendations on working things out with her husband and possibly her MIL? I know she did nothing wrong but she’s even more upset now that she’s being treated this way.
Thanks for reading!
Family issues
Family issues
Posted in:
Behaviour
25 Replies
Ugh, i remember your first post. I just want to go give your poor cousin a hug, this woman sounds like a dead set nut job!!
I think I'd be cutting or at least limiting contact with MIL if I were her. The woman is obviously toxic and using clothing as an excuse to attack your cousin.
The fact hubby sees no issue with his mum's behaviour and has actually turned it around on his wife is the problem and frankly a bit of a red flag. He should have his wife's back and say "Look mum, i get that you don't like blah blah blah but you cant speak to 'Mary' like that".
It's really not that hard!
Yes - the fact that her husband is failing to support her in this is the bigger problem.
As for mil, limit contact to coffee shops or playgrounds and don't go shopping with her.
Why would she put herself in that position by going clothes shopping for bub when she knows this is a sore spot with mil? What was she expecting to happen?
I think everyone is overreacting. Mil has zero say in what granddaughter wears. Your cousin doesn't needs to bite everytime mil says something. Just ignore her or nod politey and do as she pleases with HER daughter. I think its such a stupid thing to fight about, like seriously! Choose your battles. Why wreck a relationship over clothes...it baffles me. I can see why cousins partner finds it all ridiculous.
I mean, I kind of agree. I would not have gone clothes shopping with the woman knowing full well what she's like but the cousin is obviously trying to maintain some sort of civilised relationship with her. I daresay it's more the public embarrassment that the cousin is upset about rather than the clothes.
Yeah, she probably needs to rise above any snide remarks just to keep the peace but its really not too much to ask to have a bit of support from hubby as well!
I wouldn't react well if someone aggressively told me what my kid could or couldn't wear, by her last post she does that just seeing what the child is wearing not just shopping so it would not have mattered. There still would have been a show from MIL at some stage whether it be in the shop or at the next family BBQ. Why should she put up with it?
She doesn't have to put up with, but she does have to put up with MIL to some extent as long as she's married. So don't go to a baby clothes shop with her, that's inviting it. Draw boundaries with MIL around this topic, well before it gets to screaming at each other in a shop.
My cousin and her MIL were getting along for awhile so she didn’t really think twice about the shopping part.
Your MIL behaviour is deplorable and hubby needs to start to stand up to her or the relationship will never last.
BUT
Why on earth would you go into a baby store with the MIL? You and she know this will start the MIL off. Sometimes you have to pick your moments too.
If you want your cousin wants to maintain a relationship with this monster (I personally wouldn’t want to) she has to be smart about it. If she goes out for coffee, keep it at coffee and safe topics.
I think you've asked for trouble. You know what she's like, so your cousin needs to set healthy boundaries. You should have left it at the coffee, doing the whole shopping thing was wrong and you all knew it would go that way. She's not your friend, she's a relationship that she needs to handle more carefully.
Well excuse you! I wasn’t asking for trouble and neither was my cousin! I understand where you’re coming from but my cousin and her MIL were getting along well for awhile before this happened and I guess my cousin didn’t think properly about the shopping part and neither did I.
It doesn't matter if she took MIL shopping or not, she still would have carried on when seeing the girl in clothes she doesn't approve of! She's a control freak and her husband is letting her do it. As petty the subject, I would honestly be thinking of the future. Mil is going to be sticking her nose in for the rest of this little girls life if hubby doesn't put his foot down with her now.
Thank you for your reply. That is very true- Shopping or no shopping, her MIL has made many nasty stupid remarks about what my cousin’s daughter is wearing and other things.
MIL is a bitch.
There’s a massive generation gap.
A lot of old people lose their filter.
Old people that have had personality disorders (like narcissistic) all their lives, lose their mask and it’s ten times worse than your average oldie with no filter.
Old people are needy, they need to exert their weight because no one actually needs them anymore.
They are lonely, feel unimportant and insecure.
She needs to either have nothing to do with MIL or give no reaction whatsoever.
Pick one and stick to it.
MIL would LOVE all this drama and coming between her son and his wife.
Don’t feed the monster, it gives her power.
None of these are excuses, just facts.
I agree with some of the previous posters that while mother in law isn't behaving appropriately it was rather foolish for your cousin to take her into a clothes shop and not expect her to have an opinion as over the top as it was. I also have to say it was not your argument to get involved in and the MIL probably felt outnumbered hence she attacked you. I'm not saying she is right in anyway but I feel like you need to take a step back - this has really nothing to do with you. This is between your cousin and her husband and I suspect that her husband feels like his mum was provoked. Time and calm conversation between your cousin and her husband is the first step then she can work on her relationship with MIL.
Well, you see, that’s where you’re wrong! It most definitely has something to do with me especially since I was with my cousin when it happened so I obviously wasn’t going to just let her MIL humiliate her in front of everyone. She verbally abused me because that’s what she does to anyone who puts her in her place! Not because she felt outnumbered.
I would avoid as much contact as possible from now on in.
Unfortunately she might end up lonely if hubby continues to allow his mother to carry on maybe she needs to loose hubby too!
I don’t really know why you are here posting this as opposed to your cousin directly coming here and telling her side of the story. 1. It’s gossip and 2. It’s a bit of gang up mentality which is really unfair.
First things first, like everyone the MIL is entitled to her opinion on clothing and what’s appropriate. This does not mean she has the right to belittle or question her DIL regarding her choice of clothing for her own daughter but she is still allowed to feel in such a way. By even entering the store with her knowing her history and how she feels, you were just asking for trouble. Your cousin knows what your MIL is like yet still consciously picked out an outfit to try on which I think was really silly on her behalf.
We don’t know what words you said (you’re so quick to put down the MIL yet can’t even give us your words) so for all we know you were a rude cow or nasty to her which again, 2 against one AND in public.
Her husband can probably see what has happened with a clear mind and probably feels similar that she was almost provoked.
It sounds like you’re sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong and probably should back out of the situation whilst you can. NOT your circus, NOT your monkeys.
In regards to the start of your comment about me posting on behalf of my cousin and saying that it’s gossip: it’s not. My cousin is the one who actually asked me to ask for advice on here! She knows what I have posted.
I didn’t think I owed an essay about myself before speaking about her MIL so, sorry for that?! So before you jump to conclusions about me being a gossiper and possibly a rude cow, maybe re read my post and THINK before you comment.
I stood up for my cousin and said to her MIL “Oh my gosh! We just had a nice coffee together why upset the day by carrying on about *Christina’s* (my cousin) choice of an outfit” I didn’t swear at her and I said it firmly. I also then did the right thing by taking my cousin and her daughter away from the situation. My cousin thanked me
for that.
Well by leaving out details you’re leaving a lot up to the imagination to be assumed.
Why can’t your cousin come and just post here herself? Sounds strange that she needs someone to ask things on her behalf.
Personal reasons. That’s why. Another thing is that she barely ever uses Facebook anymore.
She doesn’t NEED someone to speak on her behalf- She just asked me to and I agreed to. I don’t see the problem in that.
We’re very close, always have been since we were kids. Family always said that us two were like inseparable sisters growing up.
Just sometimes two people who both hate this person or this thing about her can act differently and much more harshly than if that person stepped back and said, this is your relationship with your MIL for you to handle. I'm seeing, as some other commenters are, that you're more keen to step in and egg on the fight and be right and that's not the only way to be supportive of her.
I’m not trying to make things worse or start any fights! I don’t hate her MIL and neither does my cousin. I don’t see her MIL much at all nor do I regularly speak to her as we aren’t close like that.
Also, you implying that some other commenters are seeing me trying to make things worse and to be the one in the right, No, that’s all you darling, unfortunately.
You’re trying to start a problem with me, I’m not stupid, I know you’re type and I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of replying back to you after this comment.
I’d appreciate it if you refrain from commenting back as well.
Different commenter....
So once again a poster comes on and when people don’t agree and tell how how great and right she is, goes narky.
A piece of advice, look at all the different viewpoints, take what you want and disregard the rest.
It’s a public forum, we can all comment and we aren’t here to validate you, but call it how we see it.
With an open mind, you might actually see it from another perspective, empathy, walk in someone else’s shoes, like MIL.
Your cousin either needs to put her foot down (even putting her relationship on the line), accept the mother in laws position and be careful around her, or grow thicker skin (perhaps doing nails, using hair chalk etc to make a point over and over until the mother in law gives up).
Get rid of both of them. He is prob scared of his mumma! yuk I couldn’t stand that and would never be told what my child can and can’t wear. She sounds like a nut job.! Your cousin did the right thing and good on her for standing of for herself.