Me and my partner fight a lot. We have been together for around five years. I am a very impulsive and opinionated person but I never lost my plot in a previous relationship.
Our arguments get so heated that I tell him to please leave me alone, but instead, he keeps on following me and continues to talk. I will repeatedly tell him to stop talking because otherwise I'm going to explode.
We've been to counceling and the lady said to find a room where I can calm down since I'm not allowed to leave the house in an argument and see a girlfriend because he sees it as leaving the relationship.
I'm at a loss about my mental state. I use to be very bubbly and happy, now I feel miserable an d cranky all the time. He will be so in my face in an argument that I start pushing him away and sometimes I even punch his chest or shoulder because he just doesn't stop following me, provoking me. I have never ever hurt anyone physically and the other day I slapped him. Not hard but I did. I felt so ashamed of my behaviour.
I know my behaviour isn't right but I can not control myself in that moment. I am overwhelmed in frustration. He knows what his provoking behaviour will cause (me having a meltdown and maybe pushing him away) but yet he still does it. I end up screaming telling him to just leave me PLEASE I really need my space... I get so frustrated I would scream at the top of my lung into a pillow. To give info about arguments, he is very jealous and I told him to stop accusing me of things, which is mostly the case and I get so cranky about talking myself out of this wrong accusion that it turns into a massive argument, as well as if I want to do something for myself like being with friends, he gets very jealous saying I should put him as a priority and will. Make me feel so guilty that I don't want to go. There is also other arguments but these are the main ones. On the end when I go all mad, he will say that I totally misunderstood everything, he will turn everything he said around and I sometimes start to question my own mindset..... Eventually I just cry and cry and got nothing more to say and he then says 'look at you mate you are acting like and absolutely psycho'. I always say 'you make me this way' because that's how I truly feels. No space, no stop and on the end he twists the entire thing to make me look like I misunderstood Everything.
I know I am responsible for my own actions and if he stops provoking me I am good to calm down but I don't know how I can possibly control myself anymore to not start pushing him etc.
Do I have a problem? Or can someone make you crazy?
I once went to the sink in the kitchen, done the dishes and sat down, he got up and done something an came back. Eventually I turned around and noticed the tap running. 'did I just leave that on before?' I asked. And he said 'well yeah you went there last'. I really thought to myself, wow now I'm loosing it. A week later he told me that it was a joke. He left it on. I don't know for what reason... All I know is I start to feel like I'm going crazy.
Did someone ever experience anything like that?
10 Replies
This is mental abuse, crazy-making behaviour and gaslighting, look it up.
It is absolutely soul destroying and I have just left a long term marriage for the same reasons.
I had to start keeping notes of arguments and what happened to keep my head straight.
Please leave, it won’t get better.
My worry before leaving is that it is so hard to explain this behaviour to other people as on the surface as individual instances it doesn’t sound that bad but as a whole and continuous behaviour it is a nightmare and you start to lose yourself and your sanity.
Yes i am going so crazy that I am staying with a friend atm.
Will I ever heal from this? I want to be the old me again I don't want to be this terrible person anymore. I am worried that I have damaged myself to much 😭
Look up the Facebook page called chump lady, go absolutely no contact, delete him from all social media and talk about how he abused you to anyone who will listen, my ex also did this crap to me, narcissists like to get ammo against you so they can play the victim amd have details about how you were the crazy bitch and he was just trying to help and fix the situation by wanting to talk it out, he'll never admit that he badgered you for hours and that you begged for space, do not give him another chance, he'll just do it again but will come in swinging harder. Good luck hun, you made the right choice by staying with friends.
Good advice, yes tell people because it’s worse to hide it and carry it alone. And also accountability and genuine feedback. He is gaslighting you, if you stay you will begin to feel like you need to stay with him because no one else will have you this way, amongst other odd rationalisations that will creep in. There is life after this, therapy will be a big key in helping you become aware of this behaviour to avoid it in the future. It only gets worse for you if you stay ☹️
Some people can make you think you're going crazy. It sounds unhealthy and can only get worse. If you stay with him you need to leave the house before it gets to the point of getting physical, it's still abuse even when you're a female.
He is mentally abusing you.
For your own sanity the sooner you get out the better. If you stay you, will tie yourself in knots trying to fix this but he will just change tactics in response.
It took me years to recover, because I stayed far too long.
Be very careful, if you stay you could end up with charges against you for DV. Run
Leave him, his behaviour is not acceptable! Is this how you want your life to look in 5, 10, 15 years time?? You're not married and don't have kids by the sound of it so leave while you can!
I see this was posted 12 days ago..... dear god please tell me you’ve left already!!!! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ This is not a relationship in the slightest.
Yes you need to get out.! find your happiness again. Clearly you aren’t happy and he is driving you to this with his behaviour. Leave and don’t look back.!
This is gaslighting and abusive behaviour. Leave. Run and don't look back. I have been in this situation myself (exactly the same, I even hit him because he wouldn't stop following me and allow me to calm down after an argument)
There is no excuse to hit someone though, I felt incredible guilt and still don't blame him as it was my hand.
I left and I have never been happier. He will get worse after you break up, get a dvo if need be. Contact DV connect for help and support. You can do this, you deserve better and you will be so much happier without him