How do i teach my children to be honest and not people who tell bullshit storys, exaggerate the truth or just plain lies in General?
My husband is a bullshitter.. He talks shit and i dont believe half the things he says as i know its mostly true but he exaggerates it.
Im onto him most times and hes learnt not to lie over major stuff and hes generally honest except he adds on the exaggeration..
Classic huge fish that got away or was way bigger than it was...
Makes out a line of people was massive but really its only 3 people lol
I just do the eye roll and get on with it..
However he has a son who is alot older and left home who lies about everything and anything. Makes up storys which are so unbelievable like being drug tested at work yet he doesnt even have a job! Or tells us his car is great yet its for sale online and its broken down unregistered.
This kid was born lieing and i dont want my children to grow up like there brother and father ...
Is lieing a learnt behaviour from parents or is it a personality thing?
What can i do as a parent to stop this behaviour? I know it will be hard with their father always exaggerating his life in general but how do i over right that? My children are all primary school age
4 Replies
My husband is a compulsive liar too , he got it from his dad . Both he and his dad will have conversations and I’m listening to them both lying to each other back and forth. It’s fkn disgusting . My husband lies and exaggerates too , to anyone and everyone. He lies to his boss , his mates , his sister , me , his councillor , his mum , everyone he comes in contact with . He tells giant big lies as well as small insignificant ones . No story is safe with him . He lies so much that he thinks its normal . I no longer live with him these days as the lies never ever stop So it contributed to our separation . They were constant . And he knew that I knew he’d be lying to my face but yet would lie on top of that lie as well , all the while knowing I knew .
A liar is bred that way . No one are born liars , they develop strategies and cover ups through their lives to protect themselves for various reasons , usually a fear of failure . It’s a selfish illness brought on and triggered by a multitude of factors . It’s extremely hard for liars to ever stop. It’s usually with them for life .
How much contact do you have with your stepson? It sounds like you maybe are missing bits of information and making a lot of assumptions. He very well could have had a drug test for temporary work or work for the dole. The car could be good, just because its for sale and unregistered doesn't mean its not. I have a family member who doesn't like me and everything I say I am accused of lying. From what teacher I had at school to how long my labours were, she honestly thinks she knows more about me than me. Its horrible and I avoid this person like the plague she is nasty. Don't be that person, its honestly worse for your kids to see that behaviour rather than hear a few good stories.
I think there's a difference between an exaggeration and a straight up lie for starters, i think most of us are capable of exaggerating now and then. Perception plays a big part in that too, some of us are more realistic, some people tend to see things in a more, we'll, exaggerated way, some people I think it's for the attention a good yarn brings.
Then of course there's a difference between a malicious lie and a little white lie that we tell to spare someone's feelings.
And again, there's the type of lies we tell out of self preservation or to keep ourselves or someone else out of trouble.
Lying and exaggerating is part of human nature so I think it's important to teach kids when honesty is of utmost importance.
You could explain that making up stories or lies for the hell of it isnt okay, the whole "little boy who cried wolf" thing, that anecdote has always resonated quite well with my kids.
You can explain when telling a little lie might be okay, e.g. if someone asks you if they look nice but you don't really like their outfit - then it would be okay to tell a little lie so you don't hurt their feelings.
I think the absolute key with children is never punishing them for telling the truth or making them fearful or telling the truth. I always tell my kids when they are honest but did the wrong thing "I am very proud of you for telling the truth, that was the right thing to do and must have been very hard. There will still be a consequence for (insert wrong doing) but I am very glad you were honest with me and I will take that into consideration".
You teach them confidence in themselves, and that they are wonderful no matter what.
Liars lie because they feel like they need to embellish everything for people to accept them and like them.