Would you be offended if your husband told you that he would be more sexually attracted to you if you were skinnier? Or would it give you the motivation to lose those pesky after baby kgs and mum tum?
Would you be offended if your husband told you that he would be more sexually attracted to you if you were skinnier? Or would it give you the motivation to lose those pesky after baby kgs and mum tum?
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20 Replies
I’d be terribly offended!
Any person with an ounce of common sense would know that saying that to your partner is hurtful, not helpful and that when you marry someone you know that there weight is going to vary and change over time and that you love and are attracted to that person because of who they are, not because of there weight.
I’d be pissed!! When someone marries you it should never be solely based on how you look. If my partner said that he’d have to go without sex because I’d now have an issue with him and find his personality unattractive. You gave him babies and he’s being a jerk.
It would sting a little however if he fell in love with you looking a certain way and you change, it’s nice to think he would still love/like you the way you are but sometimes that’s just not realistic. He said the word attracted, so he still LOVES you for being you or your personality but maybe the sexual attraction just isn’t there.
I personally wouldn’t be attracted as much to my husband if he gained 20-30kg and was sagging all around. As he wouldn’t for myself. We fell in love with one another looking a certain way
I would be initially but that is also his truth.. and I’m unlikely to be attracted to him if he was overweight too 😬
Still love them of course but wanting tot rip their clothes off etc maybe not
Weight is sometimes a discussion that needs to be had between spouses. In my opinion in it should always come from a place of concern not selfishness, eg:
"I'm really worried for your health, you've put on a bit of weight and I've noticed you're eating a bit of crap. Is there any way I can help you get things back on track?"
This would be a wake up call for me, it'd sting a bit but I'd realise my partner cared.
If I got
"I'd be more attracted to you if you lost weight".
I would feel ashamed, rejected and hurt. I certainly wouldn't feel motivated to make lifestyle changes, it'd probably make me want to go smash a Big Mac out of spite.
I say this as a size 22 woman too, i was a petite size 10 when i met my partner. 3 kids, 13 years and a few health issues later, I'm never going to be that tiny girl I once was so if my partner ever expected me to get back to that I'd tell him I'd be more attracted to him if he was less of a dick!
Just putting it out there I’m 5”9 88kgs And only 6 kgs heavier than when we started seeing each other
Ok, that's some serious douchebaggery!!
Yes you aren't big by any means, however 6kg and babies can make a huge difference. It might go to our hips, our saggy tummy, thighs etc. I'm only 10kg heavier but you'd think at least 30 by photos as I have ballooned in ridiculously places :)
wow, he’s just destroyed his own sex life.
Yes, what he said is offensive.
You’ve had babies and some people just never ever bounce back to who they were physically, wether they gained weight or not. It’s totally normal for a persons weight to fluctuate by that amount through out there life. If he didn’t think your body would change during and after babies and throughout your life, he’s delusional and needs to think about who he is as a person.
If your health is at risk there is a way to approach that topic. His only concern was the comfort of himself and his penis.
So yeah I’d be really offended!
So I guess from your husbands point of view, I actually find my husband less sexually attractive at the moment as he has a big round tummy. It gets in the way of sex and its a bit of a turn off. However, I would never tell him that, EVER. It was upset him. I'm not small either, so I am always suggesting we go on health kicks together. They never last though. I can look past it, even though I'd prefer his tummy to be a bit smaller, I love him regardless. I'd prefer my tummy to be smaller to, and secretly I'm sure he would as well. I don't really have any advice, but I don't think its an uncommon thing.
My husband told me I need to hit the gym 2 days after my son was born. I just cried because I gave him a child and all he cared about was fat jokes. It took me a year to lose weight and get down to an even smaller weight than pre-baby but I did it for me and not what he thought also I am still so upset about the comments and lack of support that I do not touch him at all.
That’s totally reasonable on your part. I would struggle to get past the comments too
Holy heck! :O That's so mean. Good on you for doing it for YOU :-) My husband has also become unattractive to me because of his hurtful comments 2 years on... When I bring up EXACTLY the words he said to me, he goes, "What! I would have NEVER said that to you! That's abuse!" Ummm...yes it is. He never apologizes because in his head he never said the comments in the first place >.< I will never forget them.
Oh my gosh YES! This happened to me. It broke me. My husband basically told me that too for years, until one day I told him that he either stops watching porn and comparing me with those fake women, or he can pack up his shit and get out of the house by the end of the day. All of a sudden he changed and he never calls me fat or makes me try and be someone different anymore, and he's stopped watching porn which has helped immensely with his mentality towards me and other women.
You lose that pesky weight when YOU are ready - IF you even want to at all! Husbands are supposed to love their wives no matter what. I would still love my husband if he stacked on 100kgs, so I expect the same from him.
So I think it REALLY depends.
Sometimes I think it’s important for your partner to be COMPLETELY honest even if that means offending you because honesty is ultimately what you want in a relationship right?!?
But I think it also depends on things like, have you really put on much weight? Have you changed much since you first started dating? Is it actually you, or is it him? I think only you can work those things out.
No I woudnt, whilst I don't look how I did pre kids I sure do try to stay fit and active. Personally if my partner went and gained 10+ kilos I woudnt be to stoked about it... especially if he did nothing about it.. I'd still love him but sexually I'd be like gross. It's just not attractive. Having kids isn't a excuse to just gain weight and do nothing. Hes being honest and thats great
Ummmm....you are a better person than me.
Seriously hoping that he hasn’t gained weight, lost condition, lost hair. What a prick! What your beloved is doing is called ‘gaslighting’.
I’d be seriously offended. It’s rude and shallow AF. If he said it to me I’d take off my ring and hand it to him saying “well would you look at that, I just lost 80+kg!” And kick his sorry shallow butt to the kerb. But my hubby would never say something like that because he loves me for me, not what I look like, and he’s equally as disgusted as I am by all the comments on your hubby’s side.
Ummmm....you are a better person than me.
Seriously hoping that he hasn’t gained weight, lost condition, lost hair. What a prick! What your beloved is doing is called ‘gaslighting’.
Tell him to go “fuck” himself. I am 60kg heavier. I was 40kg fit as when we started. 45-50 and a little less fit after our first and my body went to crap after our second and unless I follow a vegan diet and do 2-3 hours cardio a day I can’t keep it off. He would never have dated me if I looked like I do now lol but he loves me and that seems to be enough lol.