Compromising in terms of parenting and lifstyle when you have different experiences and ideals?

Hi sisterhood.

My husband and I grew up on polar opposite ends of the spectrum, one could say from one extreme to another. That has very much shaped our parenting and certain lifestyle choices.

Basically, i grew up with a single mum. She was extremely strict, strict to the point it was irrational and controlling (we later discovered she was suffering some undiagnosed mental health issues). Our living environment was very sterile, we had no art work, no photos, nick nacks, things my siblings and I made were almost always thrown out because they looked "messy", she kept none of our sentimental things and we'd often come home to find our prized possessions gone (clothes, toys, posters we still used for example). We walked on eggshells in fear of making a mess or putting her meticulously arranged items out of place. I had no freedom, no privacy, no respect for my belongings (even ones I paid for with my own money).

My husband: He's the oldest of 8 kids to nearly as many fathers (none of whom are in the picture). He basically grew up in squallor (think horders meets addict type filth). His mum was an alcoholic, the kids all basically raised themselves from a very young age, they had no rules, no routines, no discipline, no love and care. If I may quote him directly "we were feral kids".
By no means did they have any of their basic physical and emotional needs met.
He was also 14 when Daniel Morcombe when was abducted, and also lived fairly near by in Queensland when this first happened and I think that has always stuck with him that such a horrific tragedy could easily have happened to him or his siblings.

So this is where we butt heads somewhat.

He likes a clean orderly home (he'll very happily clean it himself), he likes routine and structure and carefully arranged plans, he very much likes to control what he can (he's not controlling in an abusive sense before someone suggests it). He understandably is quite firm in his parenting methods and is finding it hard to allow our oldest kids to develop some independence and freedom (they're 10 and almost 12). He's very much a let kids be kids for as long as possible kind of guy so I think he's struggling a bit with letting them grow up.

I on the other hand, i like spontaneity, i like being a bit carefree, i litter the house with the kids artwork, merit certificates, ribbons, photos, you name it and I don't care if the clean washing sits in the basket for a week or if random toys and junk decorate the floor. I very much embrace the lived in chaos look, i encourage the kids to play, be creative and use their imaginations - the more mess the better!

I encourage independence for the kids: I let them walk the last 100ish metres to school on their own (There's a pedestrian bridge and a short well used footpath to follow that I can see them turn into school gate), i let them play in our front yard and ride their bikes in the street with the other neighbourhood kids and have recently started letting our oldest stay home alone for brief periods (say 10 mins at a time to pop to the shop).
None of which my husband is comfortable with, it makes him really edgy.

So finally my question (I thank you for getting this far, i know it's long 😳😂):

How do we reach a compromise around the home/lifestyle wise and how do we reach an agreement we are both happy with in terms of granting the kids a little independence?

Just to add, we are fairly well adjusted adults (considering...) who are open to different opinions and thoughts. We just have very different preferences and I think it would be ideal to find a happy medium!