I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I get so angry. I snap at the most minor things and get flooded with guilt the second my rage is gone.
I was never like this when it was just my first. I feel as though I’m failing the kids. I’m a horrible mum. I don’t want anymore kids because I can’t even give these kids the loving mum they need. Instead I snap and growl over silly little things that never used to effect me. My eldest is picking up on my anger and is showing signs of anger.
I don’t know how everyone else does it. I feel like everything I have goes into the kids but it’s not enough. Then because everything is for the kids I don’t have time for myself.
I don’t even know what I’m getting at by telling you but I just don’t know what I’m doing.
Lost
Lost
Posted in:
Mental Health
4 Replies
It’s so very hard. I’ve been there, I’ve broken the cycle, I’ve slid back into the cycle, then I’ve broken it again.
The best way to break the cycle is to take time out for yourself. I can’t be a good mum if I don’t have ME time. It’s just impossible to be a good mum without it. So the first step to change, is to schedule some regular time for you.
This will help in a couple of ways. It will recharge your batteries and it will help your kids see that mum values herself, and has needs outside of ‘them’. I know that sounds odd, but kids need to know you refill your emotional bucket because 1. They need to respect there mother, and that starts with mum respecting herself, 2. They need to know that when they are parents that refilling there own bucket is a necessity, 3. That the world doesn’t entirely revolve around them (as much as we love our little ones)
We are currently living in an era where parenting responsibilities are higher than they have ever been. When I was a child (in 45) it was totally normal for primary school children to walk themselves to and from school, let themselves in the house after school, be outside playing at the park or on the road with zero adult supervision, and walk ourselves to extra curricular activities. Something has to give.
Please don’t compare yourself to other parents, you have no idea how often/much they refill there bucket or what goes on behind closed doors.
It happens to the best of us! I go in and out of that cycle especially when I myself are feeling bad about something about me. My kids just push and push and push and I forget sometimes that they’re still just growing up and don’t know what they’re actually doing is wrong. I loose my cool, I gain my cool. I loose it again and I have to pull myself up on it. You need to get you a time out to yourself and jump back into it again. When ever I get too bad I get my mum or sister to have my kids for a night so I can refresh myself before I get back into it again. Sometimes you just need some you time, becasue when mummas not at her best everyone feels it!
Oh mumma, I hear you! It is so hard to remain calm sometimes! I wish I knew how to take breaks to recharge as well.
We all go through this. You are not alone and that is the most important thing for your to realise.
Being a mum is tiring, mentally exhausting and very lonely at times.
You need to take a step back and do a few things for yourself. You need to take some much needed time out for you.
Take a walk, it helps clear your mind. Don’t stress over the small stuff like house work and chores.
Apologise to the kids and make them aware of why you are like this. I tell my kids that I am sorry and I don’t mean it. I make them understand how hard it is for me at times. Now when they see me get like this, they often come up hug me and tell me they love me and ask what can they do.
Be open with your kids. Explain to them how everything you do is for them. Make them realise. They’ll appreciate your honesty.
I always make sure I’m open and explain things to them and it helps.
Not everyone else does it. We all cope and deal with things in different ways. I’m one to lose my shit too but I find ways to deal with it by being open to the kids and most of all telling them how much I love them and I don’t mean to be like this. I just want the best for them. I do what I can to make life easier. Some nights it’s take away because I feel less stressed and need a few nights to relax and enjoy an evening instead of stressing. Find some things to make things easier with them.
You need to start looking after you, doing things for you on your own without feeling guilty.
Spend time with one on one each kid at a time. Do something special with one, one weekend and one the next. Take them sepreratly for a treat and make each one feel special and have much needed one on one time together. Make it a treat for them because one on one they get to see the fun mum & they are made to feel special.
All these little things have helped me. If you feel stressed, go lay down in your room for a while pop and movie and relax.
Make time for you.