Hey,
This is a long story but here goes... My sons bio Dad, has never been in his life. He decided while I was pregnant, that he wasn't going to be there, he even signed over his parental rights. In 6 yrs he hasn't changed his mind.
My son is starting to ask a heap of questions, he wants to know what his bio father looks like, if he has any grandparents and why none of them want to see him, how come bio Dad doesn't love him. I don't have a photo of his bio Dad, I don't know anything about his family and I can't contact bio Dad to ask.
I don't know what to say and how to stop him crying all the time. My sons like just ask him if he wants to see me.
I've done that in the past and the answers always been no & now it would be disruptive to bio Dads life, if I bring it up again ( this is why I can't contact him anymore.)
I obviously knew when I had my son, all of this would come up and that I would be rasing him without bio dads input. I'm not surprised by any of it and im not a victim at all but I'm wondering how to handle it from here ?
I've said the he wasn't ready to be a Dad line 1000 times, I've told my son his bio Dad wanted my partner to raise him coz he thought he'd make a better Dad. Where do I go from here, now my go to explanations aren't cutting it any more ? How do I help him process it all? Do the tears/anger ever stop?
8 Replies
It's so important to ensure your son doesn't feel like he wasn't wanted (which is hard to do).
Continue explaining that his dad decided that he wasn't able to be a good parent to him and therefore never got to meet him.
Reinforce that you do not have a way to contact him.
Do not give ANY hope that he will in future have contact with his bio dad. He cannot have any hope at all that it may happen. This includes things like saying "I can't contact him, even if I could.." or "If I had his phone number I would" etc.
I would access a child psychologist to help you with this. It’s possible your child is fixated on this and needs help to work through it.
My 6 year old father left when he was 2, I've always been very honest that he decided he didn't want to be apart of our family and that is ok because everyone makes choices in life but we are very lucky because we have Grandma and Pa and name all the people in our life who live us and will always be there for us.
It's not easy but I've always been honest and my boy is fine.
Just an update, my sons grandmother knows but she has never reached out and I don't know her name and we live in different states.
Find her and become part of her life. You don’t know what the father has told her. She may just think you took him away. If it was me I would have done it from brith not now. But better late than never.
You need to write this father a letter explain to him how his son feels, meet up with him do something. I feel for kids like this. No one thinks about the long term affects of the poor child.
Get his surname track down his family and explain it to them. They probably think your took this baby away and that’s why they never reached out to you. They may not even know the baby exists or he may have told them he isn’t the father. I’d be doing what it takes to have that family in my life for the sake of my child. It’s so heartbreaking.
I'm the original poster, I can't just reach out any more because I have over the 6 yrs and I've just made myself look like a fool. I only knew him for 3 mths & we haven't been face to face since conception.
It's gotten to the point where it's unhealthy for both of us, for me to bring it up with him again. He is happy with his choice & I have to respect that.
His Mum isn't interested or she would of found a way to get in touch & my friend that does know her, won't give me any of her details. So that tells me everything I need to know. As that friend was the one to tell her originally & would know how she really felt. We also live in different states.
I just wanted some advice on how to help my son with his emotions, sounds like counselling is the best option for him.