At what point do you accept that your life is just going to be a case of getting though instead of being happy? I have full custody of my kids who all have special needs and as such I am on a carer's pension because I can't work with their appts and needing to be on call.
I see so many women out there hustling and working and enjoying their life and I am beyond jealous. I wake up every day disappointed to be waking up, I pass a car accident and wish it was me so I would have an excuse to feel down.
I know I have depression and am dealing with that but this is beyond that - how do I accept this is my life for at least another ten years? I feel like I have no value to anyone. Sure, my kids need me but that is my job and I would do that regardless. It doesn't make me a valued member of society and I hate how that feels.
7 Replies
I decided for a while I needed to raise my kids. I still have that same feeling as you, although the pressure is probably much lower, I can't do a lot of things I want to, I'm just getting through the days until they're older.
It's important to take care of yourself. Exercise get fresh air do things you enjoy nurture things you love even if it is only in smaller doses or one offs if that's all you can manage. Build up your support network and use them. Things always change with time.
Firstly, you are amazing!! Don't discount what you are doing as worthless, because to those little people you are the world!! You've got a tough gig mumma, you are allowed to voice your feelings!
Secondly, What are your interests, hobbies or what would you like to do? Teacher aid, art classes, sewing, psychology, accounting?? What did you want to do when you grew up?
You can study online for something, anything, these days and could turn that passion into a side hustle earning you a flexible income working for yourself.
The value will not just be for future job prospects, but the connection with other students, positive feedback from assignments, a boost in confidence and self worth and feelings of satisfaction and of being capable of being more.
Start easy, part time, online. It can fit around your schedule and there is plenty of support in place to help get you started.
You got this!!!
Have you read Lost Connections. I think it would be really helpful.
I’m so sorry you feel this way but so glad you’ve voiced it hear. It will help others because you are not alone in how you feel.
All I can say is parenting is a chapter and not the whole story. Just find one thing you can do that brightens someone else’s day. For me I cook, but for others it’s picking flowers for a friend, calling an elderly person to check on them, volunteering even in the smallest capacity. Even just contributing here and encouraging others
And if you can get outside, shoes off, feel the wind, sun, rain each day.
Sending you hugs xox . Depsite what you feel and think you are contributing to society and probably in the most underrated, unvalued way possible. You are a mum. And Im sure you are a kickass mum at that. Not just a mum you are your kids whole world and one day when they are our age they will understand how much you sacrificed for them and your value to them will be even more unmeasurable than it is now.
In the meantime is there any courses you can do online (tafe, uni etc) ? Can you volunteer somewhere just so you can get out of the house and converse with other adults?
Chin up mumma you are valued more than you realise xx
Everyone puts on their "outside face". Those mums out hustling the job and the life are doing so with theirs on, you don't see that they're just doing what they've got to do until their time is up and the kiddies are raised. Their journey is just different to yours atm. I'm out the other side, I have one and he's now 21 so my hustle had become furthering my existing career, studying to be better at it, and yes, putting some effort into living my best life. Your hustle will come, do what you can to prepare for it and for now recognise you're getting such valuable time with your kiddos that many of us are envious of. Enjoy it.
Could you study at home?
Working towards getting a degree (if you don’t have one or your masters or PHd if you do), may bring you some satisfaction?
Oh I understand this feeling all too well. I too can’t work and have both kids with special needs on my own. It is hard work and you are doing a good job! I sometimes feel a bit of grief with having such a challenging path (I have other life struggles as well) and I think it is relatively normal to have those feelings sometimes I found validating my situation helpful and allowing any feelings I have be ok. I then focus on a day to day basis at a time - what makes sense for us today? - and try not to compare myself to others - we are all different physically, mentally, and emotionally, and we all have different situations and life experiences.
I’ve found tiny Buddha’s gratitude journal good, the happiness trap by Russ Harris, yoga and meditation and positive affirmations and music helpful.
But most importantly, you do matter and you are worth it!