I found out a few days ago that I am pregnant again! This will be baby #5 and a big surprise as I was using contraception. The problem is with my partner. He isn’t “keen” on the idea and is hinting towards an early abortion. I don’t think I could go through with it. I’m not against them as a hard rule but I am against them for me. I believe all babies are a blessing and I’m already very fond of my tiny cluster of cells. I am at a cross roads and could really use some words of encouragement. Do I go through with the termination and end up hating my partner and leaving him or continue with the pregnancy and have him slowly start resenting me and the baby and eventually end up leaving anyway.
21 Replies
How important is family to you? i.e. is he a good dad and supportive? Could you honestly cope as a single mum with 4 kids? Is it worth having this baby and losing your husband/dad to your other kids?
Family is very important to me, that’s why I don’t want to kill a cluster of cells that will in a few months be a very loved child. He is an amazing fathe. But yes I could very easily do it by myself. He works very long hours so it would make little to no difference to how my day works
I can understand you don't want to kill this baby, however you have mentioned family is very important to you and potentially this could ruin your relationship. Could you do it financially on your own more so? Like, do you have the means to support yourself and 5 kids?
I would just revisit the topic in the next few days, and talk in depth about it. Once he comes to terms with it, his view may change.
Work out was this means for your family financially, your marriage and overall everyone's mental wellbeing. I would put all of that first and foremost.
Moving forward, maybe suggest he has the snip to avoid further pregnancies if he is so against anymore :)
I have begged him to have the snip so that this wouldn’t happen, he refuses as it shouldn’t be up to him. If I follow through with a termination it will only be to please him and I know I will regret it instantly, and end up hating him to the pit of my soul
I have done the right thing and used contraception he refuses to help in that situation and now that a pregnancy has occurred I am made to feel like I did it on purpose and I need to fix the issue and be done with it.
If he is refusing the snip, then he needs to accept this pregnancy because he knew full well that this potentially would happen.
Don't do something you're going to regret then. Keep this baby, it sounds like it is very much wanted on your behalf :)
You clearly have strong views on termination, be honest about that, don’t pretend that you think it’s okay, own it. A person who is pro choice doesn’t use the word “kill”, that’s very strong and emotive language.
I think deep down you have already made your decision and you want reassurance. Just keep the baby!!! You will regret it if you don’t!
Well what would you rather? Being alone with no baby or being alone with a baby? I don't think he will leave you for something like that though. He's stuck through with the other 4 kids. Men just take longer to bond. He's just going to have to take better precautions next time if he doesn't want his sperm turning into babies. He needs to take responsibility he's not a teen
Rigggggght. Because it was all his fault :S
She clearly says they were taking precautions so he was under the pretense that they were safe. We aren't talking about teenagers or one night stands, this is a loving husband/wife relationship where you tend to not rely on both parties ensuring it is safe.....
I think she was just insinuating that if he is the one dead set on not having any more kids he should be a bit more responsible for contraception too. Not that OP really stated what kind of contraception was being used
What’s he worried about it’s crazy with 4, 5 is no different.
I think you should discuss it and give him the courtesy to feel heard and understood, and then when you make the decision which only you can make, then I think he will feel heard and it will help things progress for you both whichever way you go.
You do what’s right for the family you have.
You say having a termination will result in you hating your partner, well hate is a choice, something you have control over. A termination doesn’t have to result in that if you choose not to, many people have terminations and don’t hate their partner.
You need to discuss it with him, you two will be the parents, no one else.
No one here knows your life, your financial situation, how the burden of financially providing for the family is shared, how the responsibility of parenting is shared or how you are both coping with the children you currently have.
I would rationally consider the lives of all the people in the family and try to come to a solution with your husband.
The most important thing is that you both speak with an open mind, open to really hearing each other and not already being set on what you want.
I truly hope you come to an agreement.
Just to add, im a single mum, you say you could easily do it alone because he works long hours. Well there’s more to it than that. There is having the sole financial burden of keeping the house running, no one to make decisions/discuss things with, no one to help when your car breaks down, no one to feed the kids and bath them when you’re sick, no one to talk to about any stressful things, no plus one to make you feel you aren’t alone in this world.
I was a single mother for five years before I got with my partner so I know exactly what’s it entails.
To have an abortion you need to 100% be on board with the idea which you are clearly not. Do not do it. It will tear you up on the inside for the rest of your life.
Keep the baby..!!! No way I would go through with it. He will come around eventually and if he doesn’t let him go before the baby. I’d never let my partner make that decision for me. After all he can up and leave anytime and you’d be left with this for the rest of your life. It won’t affect him like it will you. This is my opinion only, I wouldn’t do it. You are right it’s a blessing. Have this baby and get your tubes tied or make him get the snip snip!!!
I gave in and had an abortion for my partner
Turned out he’d impregnated another the same week we had conceived
She had the baby
He loves the kid even more than the ones we had together and I have a permanent reminder of what I gave up for him
Never again
Oh hunny that is fucking awful! What a scumbag bag. You did that right thing taking his needs into consideration and he was only thinking of himself. Sorry he put you through that
Do not have an abortion if you are only doing it to please him.
You mentioned above that he refuses to have the snip. Sounds like he cannot take responsibility for anything in his life.
The relationship may be over regardless of the decision. He may leave if you keep it, you may resent him and leave if you don't.
What a jerk! You've already stated the facts, you've already answered your own questions. Abortion is not your answer. He won't get the snip. You'll both have resentment. You took the contraceptive and that was a responsible thing you did, he is being a jerk on a one way street taking no responsibility. Nothing wrong with following your heart Darlin. What will be will be.
Find it pathetic, if he's going to leave over a responsibility that is up to both of you.
Best wishes x