Are there any other mums out there in the same boat? I'm hoping to hear from other mums who may have or are experiencing what I am going through. I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 5 years. We have a beautiful and amazing 2 year old together. Recently my husband has expressed his unhappiness within our marriage. He has said this a few times but now it is evident he really means it. I have always been the kind of person that is authentic and in touch with my feelings and emotions. I have always had a strong ability to observe and evaluate any situation and work towards a positive solution. I currently find myself in a position where I have realised that I no longer seem to be the person I once was, I am struggling to connect to my own feelings and emotions and question my whole identity. I acknowledge a lot of this is due to putting so much of my daily energy towards the care of my daughter, becoming selfless in the sense that you put yourself last and everyone else first. In that process I feel like I have lost a part of myself and can no longer connect to me on that level. I work part time, my husband is a wonderful man and is very hands on. I feel under so much pressure just to keep a float and work so hard and getting everything done but it seems my lack of attention to our relationship and my inner self has been detrimental. I feel like our marriage is hanging my a fine thread. My question is, has anyone else experienced or noticed they have lost their true self, once becoming a mother? How do you re-connect with who you were/ are and find yourself again? Feeling pretty lost!
2 Replies
I think it's easy to do as a mother. I think I was lucky that my mum drilled into me that you can't be a good mum by being only a mum. That it was important to make time for the things I did before I had kids. So although I've let some things go I still make some time for a hobby, me and romance. I have to to remind myself not to let one of those things get out of kilter and take over and at times the hobby and me has been put on hold but it's taken up again quickly. It makes me a better role model and means my parenting time is higher quality because I am being refreshed. My mum is very wise and will let me know when my ratio is off lol
Yes i completely did. Having a confusing, draining relatiinship and moving away from friends didnt help but i believe it was mostly within me and due to the change of being a mum and stress. Ive recently 'found' myself again. I saw a psych who actually gave me a long list and i had to tick the things i once liked doing, then try to do them again. Cos we actually forget! Then we dont imagine enjoying it, so we dont do it, and so the cycle spins down. The list was from everyday at home things to the big ones; watch the sunset, sit outside and talk, drink a glass of wine, listen to music, dance, photography, watching concerts, travel, walk in grass, visit new places, eat at restaurants, meet new people, meet old friends... Etc etc.
then we made a weekly schedule and i actually made time for me. I meditate, i exercise, and i do things that interest me, i also do things like my hair, nails or waxing more often. Justify buying yiurself something new. Your appearance is closely linked to your esteem and feeling good. Its working for me, i feel more me than i have in years.