I'll try to keep it short. Almost a year ago i found out my partner of 16years had been talking to a much younger girl from overseas (south American country). Was told it was talk and over the next month i found out they had crossed the line, sent letters and presents amd told each other they had love for each other. Partner said to me he wanted me and they had pushed it aside anyways and were just friends . Few months later found he had declared his love, given her money and asked her to move to australia and she had said yes if he's paying. When I confronted her she backed away as it became to real she was messing with a family. Partner and I split for a month before deciding to go to counselling and try to make it work. Came out he felt neglected by me as I was so busy with kids etc while he was working our business for 15hrs a day. Anyways it's now been almost a year since I found out about them and 6 months since he moved back home and he has been great but why do I feel like a second prize? I don't know if it's because I seen there messages and voice messages and he was so romantic and into her. I know that talk and text was their only communication and I have him in person and he shows me love but I can't shake the feeling of I'm not good enough because hes not like that with me with talk and tex (nothing ever sexual happened, only talk of feelings). I guess I'm asking has anyone been in a similar situation or any idea how to shake the feeling? Advice is much needed.
6 Replies
He loved the feeling of being special, not her. She was a bandaid. Nothing more. But it's easy to realise that as an outsider. I'd feel the same as you if I was actually in that situation. In fact, I'd flip flop through so many emotions I'd probably push hubby away unintentionally. I think you need to keep going to counselling and put things in place to fix the problem that made him search for that feeling in the first place. Assuming that you trust and love him and want the relationship to continue that is....
I am the poster and this is exactly what the counsellor has said about the bandaid affect of him searching for what we had missing. I did initially push him away which is why we had a break and through counselling I knew he didn't do it because he didn't love me, it was because we weren't working right then and we were both to occupied with ourselves more then communicating with each other. I do love him, trust is there but not 100%.
I don’t think that feeling ever goes away
Thats the damage of cheating. Deciding to stay after is a really hard thing to do. If yo u really believe it's worth it, you make the choice. If you're gut won't stop telling you it's not right, then maybe staying with him is not really best for you even though right now you think holding on to the relationship is what you want.
Yeah you shake it by kicking him out once n for all! Hold your head high, don’t be any weak asshole’s second prize!
He was feeling “neglected”... really?! If I feel neglected I say something. I don’t cheat on my husband. I organise a date night or send my husband a cheeky message. I tell him I love him and we need to spend some quality time together.
I’d leave him if this is how he deals with issues.