I have a 4 year old daughter who is very disobedient at times. I ask her to tidy up/get in pjs/brush teeth/go to bed she says no. I put her in time out, doesn't bother her in the slightest. I take away her tv privilages for the next day, still doesn't bother her. Put her in her bedroom with the door shut, still nothing. This can go on for over an hour. If i put her into bed with her clothes on she will just get up. Nothing i do is effective. How can i make her listen to me! Her dad works out of town and is just back on the weekends so i have no support either.
8 Replies
She's only 4! You need to appreciate how little that is, and change the way you ask/tell her what to do, e.g. "Pick up your toys!!" becomes "We (yes, you will need to help her, kids aren't born knowing how to do chores) need to tidy up. I'll put the books in the shelf, can you put the toys in the toybox?" Show her where stuff goes so she can learn to do it herself. "Brush your teeth" becomes "Let's go and brush your teeth! Shall we time you and see if you can brush for 2 minutes?" (PS there's a great Disney Oral B app that has a timer and activities for kids that makes brushing quite fun). "Get dressed!" becomes "Would you like to wear x shirt or y shirt today? What colour socks?"
You will still need to guide/help her at this age, but remove the option of doing the chore/task and instead give options of how she can do it.
Smack her?
Remember she’s 4. She hasn’t had much experience at life.
I’m 26 and some day (okay most days) I can’t be fucked getting up and organised for the day. She doesn’t understand that she HAS to.
My 4 year old is very defiant too. But you know what.. I am even more defiant then him. And I persist and I won’t let him win over me. We have set routines and he knows my rules, if he doesn’t, he is sent to his room. And once I’m calm enough (and he is) I go in and talk the whole thing through with him in a way he understands.
Remember, she is 4. She hasn’t got the tools and capabilities to understand. It’s your job to coach her
She’s four and you let her clean her own teeth? I think the dental fraternity recommend until they are about ten lol I think you expect way too much. Clean up
your room to a four year old is like asking her to climb Mount Everest. Put your teddies away, then when done, put your clothes in the washing, baby steps, do it together as a team, show her. I don’t even think my little boy dressed himself at that age, or he needed a bit of assistance. You tell her to go to bed and expect her to put herself to bed?! Sorry, the whole thing sounds odd to me. Lower your expectations, four isn’t the age you say, clean your teeth, pjs on, go to bed. You’re quite a few years away from that in my opinion.
You're expecting a lot from a 4 year old!
At 4, my kids still needed help to get changed, they still needed help brushing their teeth, they still needed help tidying up their stuff and I still needed to put them to bed myself and stay with them for a bit to get them settled.
It's a battle of wills with 4 year olds, so saying "go do this, go do that" is going to be met with defiance so you need to change your language and approach, ie, "Come on, let's have a race and see who can pick up the most toys. Quick I'm gonna win!" or "let's go pick out some cool pjs" and " which story do you want to read in bed, Cinderella or Snow white?".
Giving her choices and making it fun like that makes her feel like she's still has some control but things are still getting done.
Please don't smack her for a very normal developmental stage!
Edit to my post as i thought it would have been obvious considering she is only 4- no she doesnt brush her teeth herself, this is just trying to get her into the bathroom to let me brush her teeth. Yes. I help her pick up her toys as i most likely have played with them too! I always ask nicely, doesnt change the answer. As i said sending her to her room doesnt do anything as she likes being in there. Time out on a chair with no toys doesnt work either. All these things are done seperately, i just put them together as an example of what she says no too! and i take her to bed not make her go alone!! But she is 4 so she is very much capeable of dressing herself.
Smack her for bad behaviour and rewards like a jelly bean jar for good behaviour. It doesn't have to be a hard smack, just a tap on the but and say "I just smacked you!"... The shock is usually enough to pull mine into line. If you keep the jar up but visuable it works well as a reminder also.
I am sorry but smacking? Really? And time out?
Each to their own but these forms of punishment just don't work and can potentially damage a child's self esteem. Children are constantly learning, why should they be punished through physical force or isolation simply because they are learning? Their brains haven't even developed. Children need connection with their parents in order to be compliant, if they feel connected they want to please. Plus kids of this age will always be defiant. As I've mentioned earlier, Their brains are still developing. I don't really understand why some parents insist on their children acting like adults when they are literally years away from that developmentally.