I am completely lost. I have so many issues where do I start?
First of all I am married with 3 children. Work fulltime, suffer from chronic pain and major depression.
The kids just don't listen or clean up after themselves or help around the house unless I totally lose it. I mean it is bad. They leave rubbish, food, plates, cups, toys, clothes or anything possible laying around and anything that they can do to trash the house they will.
My husband is the same. He does not make them do anything while I am at work and does not discipline them. We have been barely talking or when we do we argue. He has no idea what this is doing to me.
I am medicated and have been for a long time. This has made me put on about 10kgs which I am struggling with. No clothes fit me, I feel gross and don't want to go anywhere. I feel best when I am asleep.
I am at the point where I would rather just fall asleep and not wake up. I know it sounds horrible as i have 3 children to think about and its only mess and weight and seems minor as there are people out there in alot worse situations but I am really struggling.
I've been to the doctor, I've seen a psychiatrist, I've spoken to some friends and family but I dont know what else to do. I don't even know what I am asking I just need to vent. I just want to pack up and leave everything.
10 Replies
I assume by this that dad his doing Stay at home duties while you are the main income earner??
Maybe it’s time to explore some options in how your household operates? Do the kids need to go to daycare more? Is it possible to get a cleaner? Is your marriage actually working, or do you need to consider separation??? I’m thinking the kids would prefer an alive and happier mum who is single that they can enjoy time with, rather than living with a mum and dad who aren’t working as a team?? Would the kids be better off in your care more??
Did you discuss with your friends and family how to make changes, improve your situation? Talking is great, but it doesn’t work if we keep returning to chaos?
No he is not a stay at home Dad he also works fulltime but more flexible hours. The kids are older all between 8-15. I think you were right when you mentioned the working as a team. None of that is happening. I am expected to clean up after them (kids and husband) and if I dont do it, it doesnt get done. I think a cleaner is a great idea but they would probably be so shocked at what they would have to clean up after.
Wifi is your best friend when it comes to disciplining older kids, use it to your advantage. You don't even have to fight for phones etc as they wont want them without wifi. As long as they dont have data on their phones, switch to prepaid phones if not already and make them earn credit. I would be taking the modem every day to work and don't plug it back in until its clean.
Book in to a motel or holiday house and send a text saying you're not coming back until they send you a video of the house after its been cleaned. Will give you at least a nights break. Then get serious with them all and lay down the law. Get a roster happening and find punishments that mean business.
Your medication is clearly not working (not surprisingly considering it’s only effective in 30% of cases and proven effective up to 24 weeks effective). Get back into counselling and remember it’s going to take up to 6 sessions to even start being effective. Look for mental illness support group in your area. Consider how your work is making you feel, if it’s crap start looking for a change. Get out into nature for walk once a day even it’s only for 10 mins sitting on the grass outside. Pay a cleaner to come in and get you back on track.
Look for something bigger than yourself to be involved with, volunteering or religion or just helping another person.
Time for a family meeting. Write a roster and everyone is held accountable for there mess. I bet if there where no uniforms or work clothes people would wake up. You can’t shoulder the responsibility for everyone. With teens they can cook, give them a night to make the family meal. Even my 7 yo old cant turn on the washing machine or unstack the dishwasher. Stop enabling them. And might be time to tell hubby that you are a team. I would also write a list of what makes you happy, try and do one of those things a day, and big things a month. Maybe you don’t like life today, but tomorrow holds hope and that’s worth working for
All privileges removed until they shape up.
Fuck their attitudes
I too suffer from chronic pain and took a lot of pain medication so I stated to look around for other options, I attended a pain management program with one of the major hospitals then I searched again and I found dr that advised they would need to put in a sacaral nerve stimulator which is a machine that they inserted into my body and wires are then connected to my spinal cord, I have a controller that control the pulses to relieve pain I am about 60% pain free while i will never be pain free and still have to takes medication I got my life back my energy back and then I was able to loose weight and take control the household and children
We also work on a rewards with the kids for jobs done if they don’t do their weekly jobs they don’t get a reward, we also have a timetable for what child does what job on a particular we even have on the roster who showers first in what day and the last child to shower is responsible for wiping the floor and putting towels and clothes in the laundry
Hopefully this gives you some ideas
Even without the pain and depression, why the fuck should you have to do all the domestic duties just because you have a vagina?!?!
You work full time. He works full time. Equal fucking load of parenting and domestic chores, also divvy up duties to kids.
Get some family counselling. Dad needs to be on the same page, lay down ground rules for the whole household, have it all written down on a whiteboard. They’re all old enough to be doing for themselves and the family. Have a cooking/cleaning/washing roster. Raising these kids to be lazy slobs like your husband is not helping them.
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