I have a 3 month old who is very demanding (doesn't like to sleep, cries a lot, needs to be carried a lot, has reflux, wind, etc...) and a 2.5 year old daughter. Since having him, my daughter has changed, she always seems upset, tired, and is not eating well nor sleeping well. She wakes up during the night crying and won't go back to sleep. I feel absolutely horrible and guilty and just finished sobbing like a baby to my husband as soon as he walked in the door :(
I know all the things to do to make her feel less neglected, like spending one-on-one time with her, taking her out whenever I can, involving her with things... But with such a fussy young baby I can't do everything I want to do for her. I barely have time to eat or go to the toilet myself, so every second I get when he sleeps I race over to her and feed her, change her nappy, even play barbies with her. But I still feel like crap because all I do all day is tell her to be quiet so the baby will sleep, and have to turn her down when she asks me to play with her or do things for her. It's breaking my heart to pieces... Yesterday she fell asleep hugging me while I was holding the baby and I nearly died of guilt :(
I get my mum to come over whenever she can, just so she can play with my girl and help me out with chores etc, but I still feel like absolute crap each time I have to say "mummy can't right now" to her...
Did anyone else go through this and what did you do?
Feeling guilty about new baby
Feeling guilty about new baby
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler, Kids
3 Replies
Oh my lord this is so normal honey! All mothers feel mothers guilt. Whether it's because we're at work and we miss out orwe seseperate from their dads and feel theyre missing out on family life or we feel we aren't giving them enough time! Of course your little girl may be feeling left out and disappointed you can't play as much. If you're worried about her been noisy maybe take her outside while baby is inside with baby monitor. Buy some new exciting dvds or toys that can keep her enterrained while your helping the baby. Remember it wont last forever and this definitely wont scar her for life. Soom the baby will settle, everything should calm down by the 6 month mark. It wont be long until the baby grows up and they can play together and because shes so young she wont remember this transitional period. You're actually lucky youve been able to have two so close together. Give yourself a break!
I think on some things it would help to change your thinking. Did it occur to you, that her falling asleep cuddling you while you were holding the baby was a beautiful family moment? What about taking your daughter outside to play while your baby is asleep so your not telling her to be quiet all the time. I know it's winter but rug her up. Also doing things like reading to her etc that are a bit more quiet. You can be talking to her and engaging with her while your holding the baby and it gets easier to do this as you get more practice. If your feeding the baby involve her in the feeding. Sit her next to you with a book or just talk to her and label the babies body parts etc. In my experience kids her age like to help so get her to pass you things etc. Unfortunately though a lot if this is normal learning to share which is hard for a 2.5 year old. Plus if your stressed all the time kids pick up on that and it becomes a really bad cycle of negativity. Also when she is playing quietly and doing the right things make sure you tell her :)
I have been in your exact situation although I have 3 cherubs, 5, 3 & 1. My youngest has and still is a demanding unsettled bub. I felt that guilt to. Lucky my hubby is super hands on and would pick up my slack (not slack but you know what I mean). It dose get easier over time and don't be so hard on yourself. Bub is still so young and it takes a bit to find a good balance. Just keep doing what your doing, making an effort for one on one time. When dad gets home maybe give dad bub and your daughter can help you prepare dinner or doing something special with her also. But don't run yourself into the ground. You are still adjusting, give it time ♥