Ok... hands up ladies 🙋🏼♀️ Who after having a vaginal birth actually enjoys sex?! 2 years post-partum here, and sex feels like getting a “Chinese burn” like you used to get back at school 🙄
Hate butt stuff and oral. Tongue is just wet and slimy and you can taste each others taste buds 🤮 Both make me cringe and jump involuntarily. And if he even tries to suck on my titties, it kills the mood. I have a toddler hanging off them all day 🤷🏼♀️
It’s getting to the point that he sees that I clearly don’t enjoy sex because as he says “I don’t like it,” but he is clearly passive aggressively upset when he says “we just won’t do it anymore.” I do not enjoy sex. Like at all. And don’t particularly feel like doing it. But I like him and he likes sex 🤷🏼♀️ So I put up with it and pretend to enjoy it, fake orgasm and all.
Question is; how do I actually enjoy sex again? Do you ever get over the feeling of not wanting to be touched?
25 Replies
Pity sex makes men feel more shit than an outright rejection.
Maybe get your hormones checked, see if there is anything going on there?
Have had 5 and love sex (obviously). It shouldn’t be like that at all. Speak to yourGP if you are keen to get things back on track.
I have had 4 babies and still can’t stay off my partner. Having a baby should make no difference to how you enjoy your partner. Did you feel like this before your child and pregnancy? Are you on any contraption that could be throwing your hormones out? I can totally understand where he is coming from being upset that you don’t want to be intimate with him. No body wants to have pitty sex, and he would definitely know that you are faking it and don’t want to be doing it.
I wanted sex two weeks after my vaginal birth and 10 years later and more kids later I still love sex and even have a higher sex drive than most men I know. I would see your gp.
I think while you’re breastfeeding, this is completely normal.
Even the thought of sex made me shudder until I’d finished breastfeeding
I didn't realise this was a thing...I breastfed for 2 years and still loved sex during that time.
Sorry I disagree that this is normal. Op you need to get checked out by your gp. Good luck!
Definitely don’t think this is “normal” I have breastfed 4 babies for two years each and it has never affected my sex drive. Definitely see your gp
Breastfeeding completely zapped my drive. And it is a “thing”. I don’t know if it’s normal/common, but it’s a thing. Breastfeeding made me touched out so not wanting the contact with partner, plus no drive either.
I breastfed for a year each child and literally a few weeks after I finished my drive was back to normal.
naturally most woman produce less estrogen while breastfeeding meaning it can get fairly dry and hard to get in the mood...
obviously all these ladies above got super lucky and didn’t have this problem.
But to OP, I suggest you do a google on breastfeeding and the affects on sex. Your DR is able to give creams ect to help.
Could it be the contraception you're on? The pill always throws out my sex drive - I don't always feel like doing it but once we are im totally into it. While we have little kids and I've been breastfeeding I definitely feel 'touched out' and boob touching is a definite no no, I also find that I really need lube otherwise I don't get wet enough by myself which can cause pain. I'd definitely go and speak to your gp though x
As soon as I was given the all clear by the doc, I was back in the saddle! Kids didn’t have any effect on my sex life.
Maybe you need a check up to see if everything’s ok hormonally?
I agree. Having kids and breastfeeding also had no affect on my sex life. I think a check up is definitely a good idea. I know some may say it's normal to lose sex drive after kids but OP is clearly not happy with it so saying it's normal etc isn't really helpful imo (and I personally don't think it is normal myself)
Pushed my baby out 12 years ago and I was back having sex as soon as the bleeding stopped. I also enjoyed it. Have had 3 c-section births since and I’m back on the horse within weeks. Each to their own.
I had this problem. I divorced it. I had the tests, no hormone imbalance. How’s your relationship?
I felt the same after having children but for me it bounced back after about 18months to 2 years! Exhaustion stress having to everything for everybody weighs heavy!
It is very difficult to get into the mood when no foreplay is involved. I think this is a huge part of it, and contributes to the fact that it feels like a Chinese burn. You are obviously not getting moist, hence the uncomfortable feeling.
Have a wine or 3, get your hubby to give u a nice massage, starting with your back, then moving to your fronts. Use lots of baby oil/oil of your choice. Get him to tease you a bit and pay lots of attention to those certain areas. I think you really need to try and relax. You sound pretty uptight, and you dont enjoy anything sexually. But thats what the wine is for. If you want to feel like a porn star, swap wine for vodka!
I don't think it's right that all these comments are saying that you don't lose your sex drive while breastfeeding or that you're not normal. It is quite normal/common to feel touched out when breastfeeding. It is quite normal/common to not be into sex while breastfeeding. Maybe you and hubby need to figure out a new normal for sex (that may or may not include lube, toys, off limits areas etc) probably you need to see your doctor to check everything's ok in your nether regions and hormones. Maybe give him a quick handy or blow job to help him if you feel you can (I used to do the same for hubby when I wasn't feeling into it).
Let him know it's not him, it's you. It sucks for the one feeling rejected (I've been both the rejector and the rejectee) but it's about understanding that it's not forever, and that maybe he can do stuff to help (and I mean practical stuff like helping with the kids so you can chill). Do your due diligence to help get your mojo back. It will come. I promise.
Could be a hormonal thing. It takes a while to get back to "normal" if that's such a thing. It took until I finished breastfeeding for it to not feel like a Chinese burn & took about 2 years to really feel like doing it again. My husband would react the same way you described. Hang in there! My mum actually bought us lube after I talked to her about it!! How embarrassing! Lol
Forget the people telling you it's not normal. I had 3 kids pretty close together, fuck yes it lowered my sex drive. I was tired, I was emotional, I was over being touched and wanted for something. I barely got to have a crap or shower in peace, sex began to feel like another chore to tick off the list before I got to crawl into bed (only to be woken 4 or more times before dawn).
It is normal to feel this way!!!
Things do get better, once you don't have a child hanging off you all day and you start getting more sleep, that in itself makes a huge difference.
You also need to prioritise some "me" time. Like they say, you can't give from an empty cup. Insist your husband share some of the mental and physical load
Lube is your friend!!!!
And it really wouldn't hurt to get examined by your GP to rule out a physical or even a hormonal issue.
I didn’t really get it back until after breastfeeding either (like within no time!) but I would go and get hormone levels checked to rule that out 😊
It's is normal to be dry after birthing a baby and breastfeeding. It is because of the estrogen levels in your body. Once you stop breastfeeding and you levels even out it should return to normal. At the moment it's important to find something that works for you and helping with lubrication of your vagina. Lube will be your best friend. I also recommend you and your hubby sit and watch Luke warm sex on Netflix cringe worthy to watch but loads of good hints tips and advice.
If it's hurting it could be your body telling you you really don't want this. You can get muscle spasms and pain when you are uncomfortable. It is a big sign you're actually wanting to stop. Please don't say yes to sex you don't want to have. You have needs too and is important to listen to yourself. Don't fake it. You do not have to please anyone. It won't help you or him. I had similar issues. I get very sensitive skin and it all feels like too much. If I ever get pain I ask my partner to stop and go slower or change something. It should be nice, comfortable, pleasurable, even relaxing. If it's not, talk. And take time out to remember what touch you like. Good luck Mama. Thanks for your honesty. You are not alone.
Drs, drs, drs!!!
And if its feeling like a chinese burn, could it be dryer than the sahara down there? I know when theres not enough lube being used, it hurts like a bitch.
Id definitely head to the drs or even your obgyn first though. Get checked, see if they can test your hormone levels.
Good luck!!!
I think it's totally normal to have a lower sex drive after kids. I especially get the boobs thing, i just told my partner that it wasnt him, but its actually such a turn off for me now after breastfeeding for 4 years (2 kids).
In regards to the pain though, I'd see your doctor or a womens physio. I had awful pain/lack of pleasure after my 2nd basically broke my vagina and i had so much nerve damage. It took me about a year to get back into it and then when it stopped hurting and the pleasure came back, my sex drive (slightly) got higher again. I dont think it'll ever be the same as it was pre kids (my body or my sex drive) but it is enjoyable for me now again which makes me want to ever so slightly more haha.
Just be open with your partner. Mine was okay as long as i had reassured him that it absolutely wasnt about him or anything. Even some counselling might help you both get on the same page.
My gyno said its so much about whats in your head though, so loosening up your mind is so important rather than going in and thinking this is going to hurt or i wont enjoy this at all. Just being open to it helps so much. Good luck x