I’m thinking of sending one of my sons to live with his dad.
He’s 12, full of attitude, bombastic and is refusing school until I buy him an iPhone, which I won’t be doing, because he wrecks his stuff on purpose and I can’t afford it.
I love my son when he’s being kind and gentle, but when he’s like this, I really don’t like him very much at all. He tries punching holes in the walls, swears and screams, refuses to behave at school and thinks the world owes him.
His dad is very strict and I think it might help this boy.
I have three boys. The other two don’t act like this, it’s just the middle one. All have the same dad.
Would it be a good idea?
Sending son to live with dad
Sending son to live with dad
Posted in:
Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour, Kids
8 Replies
If strict is what he needs, it’s a great idea, you are doing what’s best for him.
It’s a no brainer.
But the real question is, is that what he needs?
Have you attempted to get to the core of his issues?
Have you been to a child psychologists to discuss what the root cause of his behaviour is?
Is there a reason he is acting out or is he a just a spoilt brat that needs boundaries.
If you haven’t, I would investigate this first before changing his living arrangements because it might excaberate his problems.
If you are confident he just needs strict, then do it.
Yes, as long as Dad has the patience for him and not likely to throw him through a wall or send him back because that will kill his self esteem and he will get worse.
My husband's ex sent their youngest (15) to live with us due to discipline issues. We are a well run household. We love fun and spending time together. HOWEVER. We have boundaries. We have high expectations - respect, hard work and responsibility. I do NOT take crap from anyone. I will not be disrespected, nor will my husband.
My stepson did not get along with his mother's boyfriend. It was a mutual dislike and quite open too. Things we getting worse and worse by the day and it affected the 15yo schooling quite badly. In the end, we needed to do what was best for my stepson. Mum still maintains regular contact- something we very strongly encourage the 15 to maintain.
I think that would be just relocating the problem instead of dealing with it. I don’t want to frighten you but I had a very very angry 12 year old who behaved in a similar manner. There were days I had to keep him home from school to contain the rage. It eventually came out that he had been sexually abused. Lots of work, therapy, counselling and love later I have the funniest, most kind hearted giving 16 year old you could imagine. Sometimes we just have to keep loving them and get professional assistance.
It really depends.
In his eyes, you’ll be putting him in the too hard basket and palming him off. Something that to him can be a pivotal moment in getting even worse behaviour wise.
I think it would be best for his father to come over and you all sit down, one on one and discuss the issue at hand and see how your son feels about going to live there. Ultimately as the parents you need to decided of course.
Simple answer: here’s how the world works. You either work or you go to school. He’s too young to work & so he goes to school. A 12 year old doesn’t ‘refuse’ school as that’s against the law. Maybe take him up the police station or call them to come to your house when he’s acting violently so he can get sons new perspective. I’d take away everything, you can even get right back to just a mattress in his room so he can understand that everything else is really a luxury. He can have a phone after he gets his first job at 14 & 9 months & earns the money to buy it - however it’s usage is still policed by Mum & Dad and there’s no guarantee he won’t lose it again as punishment for these kind of behaviours. Nip this in the bud now, it’s jusy going to get worse. Moving him to his dads is a possibility if he’s the one who’s going to do all of this!!
Your son will only do what he can get away with.... He is 12, sit down with him and talk find out whats going on with him and why he feels the need to act out towards you. No he is not getting a phone, no further luxury items will be given until he a) shows you and the rest of the family respect and b) he earned said items. Communication is a beautiful thing when done well. Does your son see his dad? there are so many questions that come to mind when seeing this post. My son sees his dad regularly and i always know whats going on with him as we chat daily about whats going on and any issues he may have and have done from the time he could form a sentence..... Please don't put him in the too hard basket and pack him off to his dad, put your foot down, discuss with him what your expectations are and what the consequence will be if he does not abide by the rules and expectations you have in your home. Most important of all is you have to be consistent and follow through! Do you have a good enough relationship with dad that you can discuss your concerns about your child and then have the 3 of you sit down and talk, even call the police so they can have a good chat with him as to what is expected of him in regards to school and what will happen if he doesn't attend often enough. Best of luck!
It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
What if you sit him down and say, you seem to be really struggling at the moment and I think at this point in time, you could really do with some extra attention/love, one on one time with dad. Dad would also like to spend some time with you, he doesn’t like to see you struggling as you are. Make it about him needing love, being special, needing a bit of extra help.
Maybe look at moving custody to 50/50 but slowly.
He goes to dads on Thursday night, rather than Friday with the others kids until Sunday.
He enjoys it, he goes on Wednesday night.
Play it by ear.
Maybe he ends up doing a week with you, a week with dad?
I think going from majority custody from one place to the other is severe, tread lightly, see what works. Good luck xxxxx