Hi there,
I’m feeling a little down. I started my career this year after finishing Uni and was viciously bullied in the work place. I was put on anti-depressants in July. The end result? I’ve gained a bit of weight. I feel okay and I know that it’s temporary. I don’t feel uncomfortable and I’ve still been dressing nicely and taking photos over Christmas etc.
My partner works away in the mines. When he’d come back, I guess he’d find me looking unhappy or upset about work. We’ve spent a week or two together because he’s on holidays and so am I. We’ve had a great time. However, last night he was acting strange and wouldn’t touch me. I asked him what was the matter and he ended up launching into a conversation (in a rush) which started with ‘you’re eating too much shit food’/’I look the same since we started dating’… He has never been superficial and has stuck by me when I was actually heavier...It all seems a bit out of the blue.
I was so sad and so hurt. After calming down, I’ve told him he’s right and I'll work on it but I’m hurt the way he brought it up.
He’s since gone fishing and we’re supposed to be attending a NYE party together. I’m just feeling super down and self-conscious. Has anyone else been in this situation and bounced back from it?
6 Replies
That was pretty rude of him. He said it in a way that says 'I only find you attractive if you stay the same as when we met'. So is that how disposable your relationship is? Are you guys 15? That is really unreasonable for him to say it like that. It's not the fact that he has noticed or pointed out your weight gain its the way he has approached it that is bad.
Sometimes we have to say things to people we love and don’t have exactly the right words. You know his heart, do you think he meant to hurt you? Or was his delivery just a bit off.
I’m glad you’ve listened to him and maybe you’ll have time to go back over the next few days and just clarify what he’s seeing you eat and appreciate his concern.
There’s always some shit days at the realisation that we have stacked on some unwanted weight. Start working on it and you’ll soon be blowing his socks off again.
Some people are just tactless but I do wonder if it came from a place of genuine love and concern?
Expecting to stay the same as when your relationship started is unrealistic, my partner and I have been together since we were skinny teenagers. We have both changed a lot, we've both aged and are both heavier, i am now about 100kgs (I was about 60kgs when we met), he still calls me sexy and loves that my boobs got bigger with the weight 😂
BUT, he has delivered me some hard and brutal truths over the years. Things along the lines of 'do you really need to eat that, you eat too much shit' or 'you wouldn't need to buy new clothes if you lost weight'.
Harsh: yes.
True: also yes
Sometimes you need to look past the WAY something is said and look for the INTENT behind the words, and if we're honest, there's not really a pleasant way to be told "you've put on a fair bit of weight lately and I think it's becoming a problem ".
All that said though, your worth and value as a human being is not determined by your weight, if your partner continues to make you feel as if it is - theres a real fast way to drop 80 to 100kgs instantly 😉
How rude no wonder you are hurt. He’s the one with the issue here.Dont do this for him. Your mental health comes first and weight second. Focus on your health first. He is your partner and weight shouldn’t be an issue. How rude and selfish of him.
I think you should let him know how hurtful his words were.
You should absolutley NOT work on something because he is unhappy.
Work on your mental health... once that's in order your physical health will follow...
Maybe it's time to reassess the relationship. Is this someone you truly want to spend your time with.
A partner supports you and loves you no matter what size you are. I've gone from 70kg to 90kg after having 2 kids. Not once has my hubby EVER said anything or made me feel less than I am.
Really rude. I was a fitness junkie and my now husband loves my muscular fit body! I now have lots of padding and he doesn’t carry on about it even though I know it’s not his ideal ME. I am happy being my current weight and he accepts me as me. Considering what you went through and you are on meds he is an even bigger jerk!!!