Am I crazy to want to have a baby on my own if I don’t find someone by the time I’m 30?
I’m in my late twenties, Iv travelled, own my own house and have a reasonably successful business. So far in life I haven’t found a guy that I see myself with for the rest of my life but my dream is to be a mum. I would hate to wait till I was 35-40 to have children just because I was waiting for the right person only to not find them or be unable to have children and ideally I wouldn’t like to wait that long anyway.
So I guess I’m looking for advice and people's own experiences, did you have a child on your own? or do you wish you had of had children on your own instead of waiting?
Please don’t tell me “you’ll find him when You least expect it” or “your young your still have time” and all that, I’d like to feel like I have a plan for if I don’t meet the one.
24 Replies
It’s hard, like so fucking hard. You have no one to fall back on, you are alone, you won’t have someone there to be mental support. If you have family who are supportive in a massive way then sure, but doing it with a partner is already hard enough.
I’m not in this position but I feel like if I were, I’d definitely look into it as I would definitely liked to have kids before 30.
I have a friend who might look into doing the same once she reaches a certain age. And I’d support her 100%... sometimes things don’t work out by the text book and you don’t have someone to HAVE kids with, and if so, then so be it. But you are perfectly capable, and in your own right, to have them on your own
Go for it! I’d be fist pumping you the whole way.
And yeah, kids are hard. Extra hard as a single mother, but how many mothers do it single anyway? And they smash it!
I’m sure you know having kids isn’t a walk in the park... it’s not a walk in the park weather you have a partner or not... its gunna be hard... but SO much more then that... it would be worth it IMO
I completely agree. I'm luckily married with two kids but if I wasn't I seriously think I would be considering having a baby by myself. It is one of the only things I have ever dreamed for (not a career or husband or to own my own house or to travel). And now having had kids it is one of the most challenging but rewarding experiences ever. I know this would be my priority if I was in the OP's situation.
Good luck OP. Just know there are lots of IM's who would feel or do feel exactly what you have articulated.
Ok just know doing it alone is really godam hard without a good support network. And it's lonely. The chance of meeting the right guy after you have one goes way down. Gee the chance you have child care, time money motivation and can stay awake to go to a movie goes down to about 3% for a few years. So, will you be close to 40 and regret not waiting to meet someone to share the rest of your life with.
I have a friend that was in mid 30's couldn't find a guy. She owns her own house, and has an investment property she decided to use a sperm donor. Turned out baby had heaps of health issues while she was pregnant and after baby was born. She also finds it extremely hard and doesn't have alot of support. Personally if I was in similar situation I would consider it but would need alot of support from family and friends.
I didn't have children on my own but I may as well have, my ex was useless and abusive, everything to do with the kids was up to me. He was apparently "babysitting" if he had to look after them which was rarely. Having your childrens' father in the picture doesn't always mean they are supportive and it's easier. I found life so much easier as a single parent. I have friends who are my age (late thirties) who want children but haven't found the right person yet. I'm scared they will miss out or settle for someone that is not suited to them. I say go for it if this is what you want.
I would have done this myself. I'm so glad I didn't need to because I met my husband though because kids are sooooo much harder than I could ever have imagined. Some days I wonder whether I'd be happier without kids. Hubby does too.
Google Tiffany cherry. She is an incredibly driven and successful single mother whose story really highlights the challenges but more importantly the possibilities of going it solo. Good luck!
Thank you so much for suggesting I look up Tiffany. I have read and loved her story and it has definitely given me the comfort to know I’m not completely crazy for wanting this
My sister fell pregnant from a brief relationship and she decided to keep it knowing she was doing it alone without the father in the childs life. The first 2 or 3 years were really difficult because she was so alone. When you only have your child to talk to all day it can be really mentally hard. Her child is 8 now and they are best mates. Would you go for a second child or just one?
Ideally I’d like to have 2 children and use the same donor if possible. Thank you for your comment 😊
I just wanted to chime in, everyone goes on about support network. If myself or my husband cant do something (school pickup etc) or we need a break, or advice. It's always my mum and often my best friend. Just because she may be a single mother doesnt necessarily mean she will do it alone. Takes a village. Everyone was making it sound really lonely. I know single mums have it harder and I take my hat off to them no questions asked. But you wont necessarily be all my yourself in the support department and I wanted you to not feel scared.
When you say if not your husband, then your mum or sister help, that's your support network. Three people. Some people have nobody they can call for help.
The loneliness is having nobody there with you except your child. I know women have husbands that work away but its not the same, you have that phonecall or facetime at the end of the day. Theres no one to go on a date night with if you do get a break. There's no one that will be just as excited as you when your baby reaches milestones or sleeps longer than normal. It can be very isolating. It is lonely being a single parent.
Yes. The stress that if anything happens to you, nobody will realise and find your child. Mine couldnt open our door until she was four. When you fall over holding your baby and youre home alone. When you have to ve there for school pickup because if youre late or something happens to you, there's nobody else to call. It's anxiety inducing. It's depressing. And the children feel that isolation as well.
It doesn't have to be like that though. All it takes is a few good, reliable, nearby, friends or family (that drive and have a car and room for an extra kid or a carseat).
I know a lady who has a wonferful boy to a donor father, she's an absolute kick ass mum, she has a large family so her young lad has lots of male role models to look up to as well as an abundance of very eager babysitters.
She loves it and has never regretted her decision to go down the donor path, it's amazing actually, she's probably one of the only mum's I know that seems to have the career, family, me time balance - she attributes that all to not having a partner and I can definitely see the benefits too!
I would just do it! It maybe hard but it will also be super rewarding!
I would rather have a child on my own, feel a little stressed and exhausted and lonely for a couple of years while you’ve got a baby, BUT also feel proud and extremely in love and forfilled for becoming a mum.
Then the alternative of possibly never finding a “partner” to share those things with.
Power to you!
I would definately do it xx
Knowing what I know now, if you are so passionate about being a mum - do it. I am 40, in a long term relationship and have 1 child (well he was, he's all grown up now). I'm also the only one in my small group of friends to be a mum so there's 3 women my age who missed out. They're only 40, it's not an impossibility just yet but there's age issues, health and fertility issues.
My friend is 30 and is going to be having a baby on her own. She will be a great mum and is more than capable of doing it on her own and you are in an even better position than she is in terms of owning her own home. I say go for it. It will be hard but so worth it
Why not I say! Only thing that I think would play on my mind is who the donor would be, as I think any child will eventually become a curious teen who wants to know where they came from. I would like the donor to be open to knowing and meeting said child. I also believe as a Mum honesty would be critical to this kid being comfortable with life as they got older.
Start the process now if it’s what you want. A good friend of mine has just spent 18months doing 9 rounds of IVF to finally get pregnant as she never found the right person. She’s beyond happy and I’m so thrilled for her. Go for it!!