For those who have anxiety does it affect your relationship? And how do you manage and deal with knowing what’s real vs what’s anxiety thoughts
Have been with my current partner coming up to 3 years. 12 months of the relationship became toxic which came from my anxiety and neither of us knowing how to deal and work with it. We’re know back in a good place have had medications changed and found a good psych who I’m working with.. however she can’t answer this and I’m hoping those who have anxiety or similar (I have depression anxiety and C-PTSD)
When I’m having a flat week my head space finds issues that’s not there with my relationship my main one I battle with is
-this is the wrong relationship
-this won’t work
-I want to be single etc
This caused the start of our toxic side as it caused many months of me being on and off with the relationship.. 50% of my head goes no it’s just my anxiety talking and I’m self sabotaging something good 50% says that the anxiety is obviously triggered because it’s not right
Just wanting to hear stories of those who get similar feelings in a relationship and what works to kick the anxiety thoughts away
2 Replies
Hmm this is tricky.
Having been in a bad relationship due to mental health I would advise you to keep a daily journal. Was it good /bad overall. What happened that was bad. Write down the details, for e.g. if he went out and was uncontactable, if he called you a name, write it down.
We very easily forget the details and then try to make an overall decision on right or wrong.
You can look back at it when youre feeling ok in yourself and decide, is this behaviour acceptable to me or was I being picky? Not acceptable to others, but is this ok with me or does it set me off?
Then you can decide on your future. Talk it out, come up with a plan, or decide that its not your anxiety or its just too much unhappiness regardless of the reason.
Which brings me to my next part - if its toxic and not changing, for whatever reason, leave. For both of you, before you both end up and and broken, leave. Set a time frame and then work on it but if it doesn't change, then you both deserve and will find better.
I’m a journaller, so when feeling well, I’d write down all the wonderful things about the relationship, how I love my partner, giving some examples of loving kind things he’s done and re-read it when the anxiety kicks in. It’s almost like amnesia and you need to read it in your own words.
Develop a list of instructions for yourself, with help from your psych, of what to do when you start to spiral. You need to understand your triggers and develop your own strategies for each stage. Communicate your needs with partner. This could include handing him something read if you can’t speak to him. Im imagining you not wanting to be around him or talk to him cos that’s how I get, I just want to be left alone.
Making any major life decisions when in an unwell state is a no-no. Remind yourself of this