Hi all. I have found myself to be in a situation where I am at my wits end. I will try to keep it short.
About 2 months ago I fell sick. My house became a mess. Child protection came out. Removed my kids for weekend so I could clean up. I got my kids back. Kids father spent the weekend partying. When we got the kids back he acted as though he hated them. He blamed our kids and me for the mess and couldn't acknowledge that he had some blame for being a lazy ass and not caring for his family when I couldn't. 2 days after getting our kids back he put me in a situation where I thought I would be raped or bashed with our 4yo daughter right next to me. Police removed kids and I from the home. The next day we were out of town. An avo has been put on him. I don't want to go back.
My kids are now driving me crazy. 10yo won't listen or keep her room clean.
4yo won't go to bed at a reasonable time.
7yo has melt downs at school, so is only on half days.
To make matters worse the kids father keeps sending me messages "I need help, I have no where to go, I don't know what to do, etc".... And when we run into him at a friends house, where he has supervised visits with the kids he won't get it through his head that we are over.
What can I do? The kids are on waiting list for counselling, but there has to be something I can do in the mean time to help my kids through this.
2 Replies
Your kids have been through so much! It's going to take time to get them back in track and for them to start to trust that everything is going to be all right. Stay strong, don't talk to the ex! Report his texts to the police and don't respond to them at all. If the AVO covers you and the children stop visits. You shouldn't have to be present during his visitation (if you are bumping into him discuss with police as this is most likely a breech of the avo).
Provide lots of routine for the children and don't ask them to do something your not prepared to follow through on. So perhaps lower your expectations for awhile so that it's easier to enforce and increase expectations once consistency is established. Good luck, and good on you for making these changes
Big hugs mum I have been a victim of family violence for many years now and have been trying to break free for the last 8 months. It's a long road and lots of emotions I've fallen for his I've changed we can be a family and a week later same things happen I have learnt he won't change and my son and I are better off without him. The children are hurting too children love unconditionally even when we can't but they have been through so much hold your children talk to them and love them I'd imagine after what y oh have been through you be very angry and hurt it's hard to cope at times like these when you start to cope a bit better your children will try be strong in front of them most od the time. I think you all need some time to heal and I stopped visits for some time until court orders where in place I did try supervised visits etc but went through what you did he wanted us back had no where to go etc in the end I realised we all needed some time.