Just wondering other's thoughts on a certain situation involving a 5 year old child whom has no relationship/contact/support with one parent since birth yet the parent is asking for their new child that they have had with a new partner to be able to be involved in the 5 year old's life even though the child doesn't have a relationship of any sort with the parent? Just thoughts, personal experiences, possible outcomes welcome :)
13 Replies
Would that mean they are going to be meeting their other parent as well at the same time? If so then yes I think its something that should be attempted. This child deserves to know his/her other parent and new family.
If it is only the new sibling this child would be meeting and not the parent too, then no I would not think its fair to put them through that confusion and as he/she gets older they will realise they are the rejected child and they will be reminded of it every time they see the other child. Like a punch in the guts.
It really does come down to the circumstances surrounding the situation.
Hi, I was similar situation.
I said no.
Who know how long that situation will last, I didn’t want my child to have these people walk in and out of his life. It would be too confusing for my child.
I would say no at this stage. At least make them work for a relationship by letting them take you to mediation. That way you have some idea how committed they are to the situation and you can air your concerns and get a slow scheduled introduction into place.
If they don’t organise mediation then they aren’t really committed.
Hey original poster here. This is exactly where i am feeling at currently to the situation. I am just unsure as to what can be used against me if it ever did get to court like if i were to say no to their request about my child meeting this new baby. My 5 year old doesn't know the other parent and hasn't started questioning why they aren't around so i feel it's quite an awkward situation and would cause a lot of confusion to the child. Thankyou for your reply
In Australia from personal experience they will take into account that dad hasn’t been in the picture and do a slow introduction anyway.
Any good lawyer will also open negotiations with the other party before you see a judge. They will attempt to negotiate a gradual systematic introduction.
Just make sure any contact from now on is done through text or email. Don’t say no, say ‘our child doesn’t know you and when you organise mediation I’m happy to negotiate a plan’.
Nope. Sounds like something the step parent wants to play happy families. Your child is not a pet the relationship must be built with their parent first or nothing.
Is it a step-sibling or a half sibling? There's a big difference in my view if it's a half sibling.
Sorry i think i got the wording wrong, the baby is a half sibling
I can definitely understand the parent wanting their child to have a relationship with their sibling. Whether it's correct that they haven't made the effort to have a relationship with the parent previously, I think withholding them from knowing their sister or brother is not the right thing.
I would take things slowly, let them come and have supervised visits to get to know your child and bring the other sibling along.
If the new child is his, it's a half sibling, not a step sibling. There is a huge difference. I imagine that the dad is in love with their new child and has realised what he has missed out on and is using the kids as an excuse for him to get a relationship. Maybe agree to meet them for a few short visits and proceed from there. The exact same situation happened with my hubby's family and the child with the anger and psychological issues is his half sister from his previous relationship (so your kid in the scenario).
He’s obviously wanting a relationship with his child now. What he is asking is for him to have visitation with his child and to of course, also get to know half sibling. You kind of misrepresented the situation In your description .
You can either cooperate with him and have a say in how all this goes down, being the best to understand your child’s needs or you can dig your heels in and end up having a stranger tell you what you must do. Work with him, start out slowly and see where it goes. You guide this ship, don’t show any negativity toward the other parent and allow your child to get to know their father. You don’t really have a choice. Waiting for him to go to mediation I think sends a message that you will be difficult about this and you lose control of the situation.
My children have a half brother on the other side of the country.
All the children have little involvement with their father. Mine haven’t heard from him in 14 months, hers sees him every few months, but generally supervised or under the grandparents care.
We would like our kids to have some form of relationship, but for now it’s just keeping up to date with Facebook photos via my oldest, as the others are all young & I don’t have a relationship/friendship with the mother, so I don’t have her on Facebook.
I would tell the other parent that they can start the mediation process, and then you will discuss a plan in which they can get to know their child with a view to introducing the half siblings down the track a bit. The parent child relationship needs to be focused on first, particularly as your child has no idea who their other parent is. I would request supervised visits initially (with you present), while your child gets to know the other parent, eventually moving to short visits without you present, then increasing the length of the visits as your child becomes more comfortable with the situation. You will soon find out how committed the other parent is by how they react to organising mediation.