I have 3 children aged 7, 11 and 15. My partner and I separated and he moved 3 hours away. To spend time with him my children have to make a 6 hour round trip, often in the space of 2 days, if they go for a weekend.
If he lived here I’d have no problem with 50/50 care, as the children could still attend school events, play weekend sport, etc. Having to travel so far, on a regular basis, is difficult to manage with 3 kids, working it around the things they have on and dealing with the tiredness and travel involved.
Does anyone else have a ex that moved a few hours away and how do you sort out visitation? Do you just do a week in the school holidays, an occasional weekend, or more regularly than that?
7 Replies
Surely he should come to them?
Yes, my ex also moved 3 hours away with our kids being roughly the same ages as yours. We didn't really have set days or times, it was generally long weekends and holidays we would swap over and some weekends as well. My kids were used to long hours in the car so travelling was not really an issue with them, however it does take away from their social activities because they didn't know anyone in the other town.
Every school holidays and every second christmas. Another friend goes to his kids mostly for a weekend a month and about a week in school holidays.
My ex moved 3hrs away then lost his licence, was so hard for our daughter at first who was 6yo, he would bus it to her school every second Friday and bus it home again, got a little annoying when he started calling at 3pm on Sunday saying they missed the last bus and I'd have to come get her!
She didn't seem to mind though, in her eyes it was time spent with dad. That's all she wanted.
She would come home grumpy and tired and most of the time slept in the car on the way home.
She did want to play Friday night basketball with her friends, I told her I was ok with it but she'd have to ask her dad.
Not to be nasty but at the time I thought it was beause of his choices she couldnt do it, so he should be the one that told her she couldnt. She was ok with it because she got to see him.
Shortly after that he moved overseas for 8 months..
Even if it's hard for us I think it's important for the kids we make the effort.
A voice of reason. The travel time isn't that big of a deal and kids from split families regularly have issues with sports etc even when living in the same town. My friend's kids do their sport every 2nd week because their mum won't take them when it's her time with them.
We live 7.5hrs (one way) from my partners kids. Visitation is every school holidays. Both parents meet half way for pickup/ drop offs, and it has worked for us.
We travel this far for the kids! Not to please the other parent. How is it fair that one parent should have to drive the whole distance, all because it was their choice to move that far away? They moved that far away, I'm hoping, to better their life, not to annoy the ex!
If it becomes regular that you are always driving back and forth, you can ask child support to factor it in to your assessment, you will need to show a lot of proof, ie petrol receipts, communication between the two of you etc.
My nephew lives hours away from his dad. His dad has to pay for the travelling and he spends half the holidays at his dads and they rotate Christmas and birthday fills on the holidays. He doesn’t do weekends.