Warning possible trigger post.
Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from my ex partner, in this phonecall that lasted 18 seconds he said "I can't do this anymore, Goodbye".
After receiving this phone call I tried calling back but it went to voicemail so I called the police to report it.
While on the phone to the police he called back saying basically the same thing and that "he loved me and he Hope's my life goes well".
The police went around to his house and he was there. He called again asking me why there were police at his house trying to detain him.
He ended up being detained and taken to the hospital.
Now, he's so angry with me. I went to the hospital last night to make sure he was ok and safe. As soon as I saw him I knew he was on something other than what he told the paramedics and the nurses. He wanted to leave and go home so he could go to work tomorrow (today), the nurse's heard it and then put him under a C&C (care and control, which basically means he cannot leave the hospital until they see he's medically fit).
When they told him this he got so angry with me, he blames me for the fact he cant go to work today.
I'm not going to apologize for calling the police, I'm not going to apologize to saving his life, I'm not going to apologize for making sure he is still alive today.
He wants me to pay the ambulance bill because he didn't call them and thinks it's a waste of time to take him to the hospital.
He knew that calling me would get some sort of reaction out of me, I lost a cousin to suicide 9 years ago.
I don't really know what I'm asking here, I just need to know that I'm not alone, I'm not the only one who'd call the police to save someone who even though they hurt you beyond belief, you still sleep down love them.
21 Replies
You did the right thing, I’d have done it to.
Hopefully he takes the help being offered to him.
The police wouldn’t have detained him If he wasn’t acting off when they checked on him, so it wasn’t just that you called that got things escalated.
My ex pulled a stunt like that on me when I was 18. It was a few weeks after my cousin had committed suicide and he admitted it was to get a rise out of me. I was at work and couldn't leave so called the police as well. They went and took him up to the local psych hospital and same as your ex he was pissed at me!
He tried it on me a few times after that so I would keep in contact with him. It was fucking horrible there is no feeling like that. The fear,stress and guilt of someone saying this shit to you, it's a completely fucked up thing to do to someone (if it's not a genuine cry for help of course). I have no advice all I can say if he says does it again call the cops again let professionals deal with him if he is suicidal. He can be angry all he likes you've done nothing wrong.
You did the right thing!
Imagine if you'd just dismissed it and the worst had happened, you would never forgive yourself!
He's not in the frame of mind to see it but this was a positive outcome.
Firstly, no harm came to him or anyone else.
Secondly, he's in hospital now and under the C&C. He needs to be there, the doctors have a duty of care to ensure he's not a danger to himself or anyone else before he can be discharged. He will hopefully get a diagnosis and a mental health care plan - in other words, the help it sounds like he desperately needs.
Do not pay his ambulance bill and do not let his anger make you second guess yourself.
He is responsible for the situation he's in, you just did what any rationally thinking person would. You may very well have prevented something awful happening!
And as said above, if it happens again call the police again - they are equipped to deal with these instances and if it is just a manipulative ploy he'll realise he's not having the effect on you that he's aiming for and it'll get real old!
I work for the government. I regularly call the police for welfare checks if I'm concerned someone has intent to self harm. It's mandated in my duty of care. You did the best thing you could. He's only angry because he's unwell.
He was emotionally using you. He wants your attention, not help. You did the right thing to call police. The wrong thing to go and see him. You can't help him he needs professionals and that's not the way to have a friendship Or any kind of relationship. Wish him well getting better and cut him off.
You did the right thing! They wouldn't have him there if they believed there was no need. They would have tested him for everything in case he overdosed, so they would know what he was on regardless of what he has said. He is guilt tripping you majorly, if I were you I would try and cut contact with him. You've done what you can anything he does from here is not your fault or responsibility.
You’re amazing, you did the right thing, dont doubt yourself for a second. Don’t go back to the hospital, he’s in safe hands now and he isn’t your responsibility.
You did the right thing.... he won’t play that card again that’s for sure! He’s only angry because you didn’t drop everything and pander to him. And he’s angry at himself because he stuffed up and it’s caused him a bunch of embarassment.
I had a similar situation with my ex. I called the ambos and he was sectioned until his mum came to look after him. He was well pissed, but once his head cleared was and still is very thankful. You did the right thing!! He will see that in time!
Thank you everyone for your reassurance.
I had the police turn up last night, he's left the hospital while still under the C&C so they were trying to find him.
I messaged him with no response.
I'd only called the hospital maybe 40 minutes prior to them coming asking if he was still there, they told me he was.
I'm terrified he's going to do something stupid. I really am.
I love you . Just for being so compassionate and strong . Keep being you xx
Thank you so much for your kind words.
You did the right thing!
My ex did this to me twice within 2 weeks of our split, part of me knew he wasn’t going to actually do it and just wanted a reaction/ for me to come over but the other part wasn’t taking the chance and it’s unfair to put the weight of your life and well-being onto somebody else so instead I called police/ ambulance both times, which you should as they’re the ones trained for this. he was admitted, after the second time he learned not to do it again
Also if your in nsw you don’t pay for ambulances for this, it’s covered under the mental health act.
Hope your okay, I know it’s such a crappy feeling to have to deal with.
As cold as this may be, you need to cut him off and cut contact with him’
Well done for making the phone call and sticking by your actions.
You undoubtedly did the right thing here.
I think it may be time to block your ex though. It sounds as though he's trying to emotionally manipulate you
You 100% did the right thing and I commend you for your actions!
I advice you also block his number. If he needs to contact you (if you have children together) he can send you an email to discuss the children only. You are not responsible for his mental health. The hospital will contact his next of kin.
At this time I am still his next of kin on the hospital records. I hope he changes it. His new girlfriend should have been the next of kin, but then again he goes through so many girls that he'd be changing it every other month.
We dont have any kids together thankfully.
He is doing this to get a reaction. If he really wanted to go through with it he would. I’ve laot someone close to be to suicide and yes it hurts. He never did this, he just chose to find his peace and end his pain. I have had an ex who used to do this to me regularly. I did seek professional help and I cut him off for good. It wasn’t good for my mental health and he wasn’t good for me. He did it to make me feel sorry for him and keep taking him back. Meanwhile he wouldn’t have cared less how low I was feeling at tha point of time and the abuse he was putting me through. The best thing I ever did was cut him off, his words could no longer make me feel guilt or worry about him because believe me if he really cared for me he wouldn’t have been treating me like shit and threatening suicide the way he was. I learnt to accept if he was going to do it then that was on him and not me. Please do yourself a favour and cut all ties with him. Don’t worry about being next of kin, that’s his issue and for him to change. You need to protect yourself and distance yourself from his mind games. He knows how you will react every time. Block his number, block anyway he can contact you and if he does happen to do it again somehow you call the police again and let them deal with it. This is about him. This is about you and what is right for you. He is angry you called the police because he didn’t expect this reaction from you. Don’t take his threats. You did the right thing and tell him you don’t regret it and you’ll do it again. I cant stress enough to cut ties with him. The guilt will get you every time if you don’t. You don’t have any kids together what a blessing. That will make it so much easier to cut him off for good.
I just want to thank everyone on here and the Facebook page for their amazing words. I definitely feel I did the right thing now. I've told him that he needs to leave me alone. He's blocked on facebook and my phone.
Thank you all once again.
Well done but please for your own happiness and mental health. Leave him blocked. If he comes to your door, don’t answer. The best way to deal with this is no reaction. He been to hospital now and they would have put everything is place for him to seek professional help. This isn’t on you, it’s all on him. Well done to you for taking that step and blocking him. Don’t feel guilty. It’s what he wants.
You absolutely did the right thing. I had to do almost the exact same thing about 10 years ago now, except I sent friends around to my ex-husband’s house after text messages. They found him semi-conscious after an overdose and called the ambulance which resulted in him being admitted to hospital under a 72 hour order. He was angry with me initially as well, especially since the psychiatrist requested that his visitation with our child be temporarily suspended until he was more stable and in a better place emotionally. Once he was able to see things more clearly he realised that I had done the right thing, as have you.