I know, it could be worse. It could be alcohol or drugs and maybe I AM being dramatic. But I can’t deal with my husbands smoking anymore. He spends over $250 a week, $1000 a month or $12 000 a year. This isn’t including the couple of thousand extra we pay for life insurance because he’s a smoker.
We currently expanding our business and with that comes a big debt. We’re asset rich but very cash poor while we get through the first tough year. I’m scrounging around trying to buy second hand unfiforms for the kids, literally trying to find change for them. I’ve sold clothes and jewellery to buy a new vacuum.
He’s telling me I need a job (as well as running my share of the business) to help make our repayments.
I don’t want to live like this. When he’s away I love talking to him on the phone. But when he’s back the smell, the sight, the draining of bank balance, the butts thrown on the ground, the annoying cough he does ALL NIGHT just drives me insane.
It’s all compounding and I know there’s other underlying issues such as I’m absolutely burn out from taking on a short term contract on top of everything which still only just covered the cost of his smokes.
Every time I see/smell/hear anything to do with his smoking I cry. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I’ve raised it with him and he says he knows he has to stop but then just doesn’t, even though he has tried different things to quit.
I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, I don’t want to nag but I also don’t want to live like this.
Can’t deal with Husbands smoking anymore
Can’t deal with Husbands smoking anymore
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
10 Replies
That is so much money spent on smokes! Have you broken down the cost to him? Perhaps if he knows exactly how much money he’s wasting it might give him the push he needs. I would find it all consuming as well especially as you’re struggling financially. Tell him you want him to live a long life for you and your children. That coughing doesn’t sound good 😬
I gave my partner an ultimatum when it came to his smoking.
We were a young couple with 3 little kids, living on one income and limited money from Centrelink.
Long story short, his smoking got to the point of costing $150+ a week. The kids and myself were going without or putting off things we needed, we were borrowing money of each of our families to get through til pay day. I was also really concerned about his health, I didn't want to end up a single mum to 3 kids!
At that point I was like "nup, this is ridiculous".
So I told him straight " You either quit or I'm done".
Luckily that was over 5 years ago now, he realised he needed to quit and he did it cold turkey and never looked back.
$250 is a lot of money to spend on something that's slowly killing him, I'd suggest booking him into a gp and insisting he go, he needs a full check up - he's at risk of lung and other cancers, heart attack and disease, emphysema.
Come at it from the health perspective, guilt him if you have to "if you die from cancer, how am I meant to look after the kids, the business and everything. Do you want the kids to grow up without a dad?".
If after this he's still firmly refusing to make a change, I personally would be really evaluating the whole relationship because it shows he's incredibly selfish, financially and in of her ways!
So he can tell you to get a job, on top of what you're already doing but you can't tell him he needs to quit smoking? Get tough with him! Tell him how much it upsets you. Come up with some ideas to help him quit. Most smokers DO want to quit they just need some motivation, so give it to him.
Get him to stick to only buying 2-3 packets a week . That way he doesn’t feel like he has to go cold turkey which can make them angry and short Tempererd . And at the same time half the cost is being saved . Two -3 packets a week is more than enough .
That would drive me nuts too. I can’t stand the smell of it on my husband. I go get pissed that he doesn’t even try to stop but in saying that if we don’t have much money he doesn’t buy smokes or buys a pouch to last longer then goes without because he has no choice. Suggest to your husband to try hypnosis, Ive heard it works. Maybe you need to give him a wake up call and leave for a few days so he takes your seriously. That’s a huge amount on money he is spending and your kids come first. I’d be furious. Why should you get another job!! He doesn’t expect much 🙄
I reas the first paragraph and thought, I HEAR YOU GIRLFRIEND!!
My husband was smoking the same dollars worth and we were scrapping through each week and u was gettibg so angry because all i could think was, there is an extra $250 destroying his health every week! And the price keeps going up.
I ended up writing a list every week of thibgs the kids needed and telling him he had to pay for them seem as he could afford so much for cigarettes. He had to cut back then.
He ended up quitting.
He needs to understand the reality of what he is doing and how it impacts you. $250 a week is a lot of money. It's a full trolley of groceries, a paid bill, dance lessons, Christmas money. Point all this out. If that and the fact that he is slowly poisoning himself and his family isnt enough of a reality check, i don't know what is. Incredibly selfish behavior.
I know how you feel. My partner smokes ($250+ a week) same as you, plus he drinks every day ($55 case of beer sometimes two a week) , goes to the pub once or twice a week and also puts money through the pokies, sometimes $50 sometimes $200 a week. I got a job because we can’t afford to live and he continues to waste money while I live without anything I want or need. We had 30 grand saved a few years ago and now we have 5 left. He also bought a new car and has $300 a week repayments so basically after all that we have about $100 to live off a week which I buy food with and then have to use my credit card the rest of the week just to survive. I also need advice.
Your guy’s got problems. Ditch him before he takes you down with him.
I have no answer.. came here to see if there was anything I could take as help ! My partner has promised to quit before I got pregnant & after an still to this day 6 years later says he needs to give up’ but seems to smoke more after he says it. I’m buying smokes for him (which kills me every time) cause he would normally spent $250+ a week. But a shop sells them illegal for cheaper. Like I’m a criminal I buy them cause it’s half the price😩 I hate it. Cause the hours they open he’s at work. He coughs snores all that healthy stuff that comes with smoking a pack a day 😥his dad died of lung cancer. I have tried everything. It’s a constant struggle. We need someone to get the toxins out of they’re system an so they can quit. I quit so it annoys me even more that he can’t. An the smoke effects me more because I’m an ex smoker. It’s a really tough situation. Hope we can get through it.