How do others with split families do Christmas? How do you work out a situation that's fair for dad, mum and child? Especially if the childs not keen on waking up for their first Christmas morning at dads.
How do others with split families do Christmas? How do you work out a situation that's fair for dad, mum and child? Especially if the childs not keen on waking up for their first Christmas morning at dads.
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11 Replies
If the child has never stayed overnight wih dad, christmas is not the night to start. How unfair on the child.
There's a few ways to do it, depending on families, relationships, custody etc.
1. Dad gets a visit on Christmas Day, just let him choose either morning or afternoon.
2. Dad gets Christmas Day or Boxing Day, and you swap it each year.
3. Dad gets the lot one year, mum gets the lot next year. Only really necessary when they live Very far apart and have visits in place already.
4. Both families meet for a lunch or activity out of the house.
5. Dad comes over to mums very early to be present for Christmas morning excitement (when dad is involved but he doesn't have regular visits)
Its not about whats fair, its about whats best for the child and what they want.
My parents did a lot of things that hurt us kids when they separated but I'll always be thankful that they could make it work on Christmas so we didn't struggle on this particular day.
The first year after they separated my dad stayed the night so we were all together Christmas morning.
The following years we did Christmas morning and lunch with mum and her side of the family which was tradition, then dinner, spend the night and boxing day with dad and his family.
I think you should always be putting the child first. What does the child want to do at Christmas? That’s what your focus should be on.
I know that for my ex and I, that our kids really enjoy having us all together for Christmas and birthdays etc. So we try to accommodate this as much as possible. In saying that my ex and I have a great relationship and neither of us have new partners.
We do Christmas Eve celebration. Everyone comes together for the afternoon, we open presents for the kids, then we all convey it to see everyone’s Christmas lights once it’s dark. I then drive my son to his dads and he has him Xmas morning, and drops him back Christmas night.
It works for us :)
I offer the day shared but he only gets the second half of the day with dad. He always wakes up at home with me cause that's what always happened prior to us breaking up, wake up at home and do my family thing early, his family later... and my house is his home, he visits his dad. I wouldn't give on Christmas, it was my way or court, no negotiations... most things I give him what he wanted, but it was more important he and his sister woke up together. Once his dad had more kids he decided to have boxing day instead which suits me and my boy still.
As a child of divorce, I can honestly say that I hated Christmas until I was 30,married and had my own family because I got shared between my parents and it sucked. And if they didn't share the day, I missed the parent I wasn't with. Invite your ex around for Christmas presents in the morning and a nice Christmas lunch. Suck it up and make the day about your kid. Consider it practice for 18th, 21sts, weddings, and everything that your future grandchildren ever do.
My ex and I alternate years. This year the kids are with their dad Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and I get lunchtime onward on Christmas day.
Next year they will be with me Christmas Eve & Christmas morning.
My ex and I have always tried to put our kids first. In saying that, we get along and there isn't any animosity. We just do christmas morning together with the kids regardless of who has the kids on the day. For your little people it is worth it.
The kids want to be with me so they stay with me. I refuse to share them until they ask. His family isn’t in the same town so we can’t do half and half
My stepson was 4 when I started dating his dad. He had stared doing fortnightly weekend visits in May of that year.
For Christmas it was arranged that we would get SS after lunch Chrsitmas Day for 2 weeks or at the start of School holidays and drop him home Christmas after Lunch.
Then it would alternate so each year we would get Christmas morning or Evening with him.
We he was about 10 it changed so we would either drop home Xmas Eve or pick up Xmas Eve so no one was driving Christmas day
We do whatever is going to be more fun for our child. My ex has a bigger family than I do and all live close. So their Xmas has a lot more family around and the family I have locally is blended and affected by separations so get scattered across town on Xmas day with other family. So we have found that for the last few years, I do my family Xmas on Xmas eve when everyone can be together, my daughter wakes up with me and then spends the day with her dad and his family. I get pretty sad on Xmas day as I feel like I’m letting her down by not having more family around etc but I know that I’m doing what’s best for her.