So new mum here
Literally just had baby 4 days ago and got home from hospital 2 days ago
I said to everyone please don’t come for visits till I’m ready and if you do come please bring proof you have had the whooping cough needle as I’m allergic and can’t have it myself
Now my friends have respected this and stayed away however my brother in law and his family have not
They have twice turned up with all their kids who have colds and they were unannounced once being 25 minutes after we got home from the hospital and then the next one was the next morning at 8am
They refused to have the whooping cough needle so I refused to let them in. I’m stressed enough being a new mum I can’t work out breastfeeding I literally can’t work out how to use my washing machine and I don’t want people turning up unannounced
My sister in law has now gone around to the family saying I’m a bitch and that I’m a snob
And putting it on Facebook
Was I right to not let them in? I just wanna work out how to be a mum all I wanted was a few weeks
21 Replies
Stop and breathe lovely! The best advice I could give you is to have the balls to do you! You are this precious babies mum if you need time take it! Enjoy it! Don’t buy into what they are saying. You will resent them more if you cave to their behaviour!
I’m normally such a happy open person and I just can’t do this
The baby keeps crying and she won’t latch and there’s housework to do and I don’t want anyone seeing how dirty my house is and my partner is trying but he is working
Does every new mum feel like this? :(
The hormone changes your body is going thru at the moment are pretty intense! Baby blues is such a real thing I went thru it with both of my kids around day 3/4. I literally cried inconsolably for 24 hours - to this day I’m not sure why. Forget the house work! Forget what people think. Don’t add unnecessary stress on yourself! Ask for help from your support network! Focus on you and the baby. Breastfeeding is no easy feat. The more relaxed and open you are the better! And let me tell you correct latch or not correct latch it’s going to be agony For a good 2 maybe 4 weeks. And then it will just stop being painful and life will get easier. Sleep deprivation is the absolute devil. So try and sleep every chance you get!
The answer is YES! But we forget! And we withhold the info from expecting mums. This will be the toughest but most rewarding journey.
You will have days you won’t get out of PJs you may even go days without showering, their will be endless sleepless nights but in the mix you will have days where you win too!
Just remember to be kind to yourself, you won’t look back and remember that your house was always clean But you’ll never forget the cuddles and that closeness you share with this new little soul of yours!
Yes, most if not every new parent feels like that :) Mate, you are only a few days into motherhood. Baby is only a few days out of the womb. It's emotional, it's exhausting and it can be stressful.
Relax, breath, forget about the housework and just relax on the couch or bed with your baby.
Baby could be crying because they are used to being in your body, constantly touched and hearing your heartbeat for 10 months, in a wet, warm and dark environment. The outside world can be quite a shock! Plus, unfortunately, if you are stressed, your baby will pick up on that and stress too. Just relax and enjoy your baby and not think about other people.
In regards to breastfeeding, have you joined any breastfeeding facebook groups? Is there a local ABA meeting group you could catch up with? There is lots of support if you can get a hold of it. The ABA has a number you can ring also.
In regards to your sil and family rocking up and calling you a bitch and snob....wtf!!!!
Seriously, who rocks up just after you get home from giving birth!!!!! Were they there to help with the housework, cook a meal and offer support? Or just there to visit and gasbag, expect to be hosted and make a mess and noise in your house?
You have done absolutely nothing wrong with requesting people get their shots up to date if they are to visit bub. People are allowed to decline shots and also be respectful and stay away for awhile. They sound like inconsiderate, self entitled drama queens.
Do not apologize for your requests and rules.
Sounds like the family are a pain in the butt.
Keep in contact with your friends. Even if just on the phone. This with a young baby can isolating. If you have respectful friends, that is everything.
Personally I would draw a line in the sand with certain family members for now. You mostly likely will not have the emotional and mental energy to deal with their shit, and nor should you. It will just drain you further.
Get in contact with some mothers and breastfeeding support groups.
Relax and dont stress about housework. Rest and cuddle bub.
p.s skin to skin with babies can help them to relax (mum and bub topless, so their skin is touching). Even baby just nuzzling at boob will help. But if you are both struggling and needing help, dont be afraid to ask or seek out support.
And seriously, block the rude family members from your mind and heart. You do not need to be dealing with their crap right now.
Oh man. You sound like you're in a tizzy. I remember that panicked overwhelmed feeling very clearly. Stick to your guns. Make your husband deal with it. He can explain that you're having issues with feeding so need any visits to be planned since you're getting no sleep. He can also tell her that you, as a couple, decided that you don't want the baby exposed to unimmunised people until she/he at least has their first injection and that if they are choosing not to immunise themselves or their kids that's fine... But they need to understand they will have to wait to meet bubs. He can let her know that neither of you will be upset by that as you respect her choice but in turn, she needs to respect yours. He might also want to add that being a bitch to you isn't going to fix the situation but it might just hurt you enough that you don't want them around forever rather than just a few weeks so maybe she needs to own her actions and apologise.
Hang in there. Feeding issues (I had lots of infections so it was hell) suck but around week 6 when bubs mouth is bigger and stronger it gets much easier. Xx
Oh poor mumma. Firstly - congratulations on the arrival of your little one! What a totally overwhelming time. I'll let you in on something no one told me - breastfeeding is hard whether it's your first or your third. Be gentle, you're both learning. My third is 8 weeks old and I've only just started feeling like 'I've got this'. Don't expect much from yourself because there are days where you literally spend the whole day in your pjs with a boob hanging out.
Firstly, do you have a health nurse coming out to check on you and baby? I didn't realise they are meant to come out within a few days - it took me turning up at the hospital in a puddle of tears with a 6 day old that they realised my paperwork had gone missing and no one had been to see me. They're amazingly helpful and have the time to sit and watch and help you feed.
Secondly, do you have any support? Friends, family members? My mum used to visit and I would hand bub over and go sleep. If someone offers to do something for you don't knock them back. Accept the help!
As for the sil I'd let your partner deal with his own family. When you do decide you're up for visits I always found it easier to go to people's houses (or a public place). That way there's no pressure to have a clean house and feel like you're entertaining and you can leave when you and bubs are ready.
Good luck mumma. You're doing an amazing job x
My Mum lives in another state but my friend comes everyday to clean and make me dinner which is a life saver I done the same for her when she had her twins
No one came to visit me at home but I booked an appointment with my gp who looked after me with the pregnancy
I feel like she isn’t getting any milk :( so I’m worried
My partner has told my brother in laws family to stay away till they are told they can visit and that could be a while it depends on how I’m feeling
I just feel like the worst person ever
My Mum lives in another state but my friend comes everyday to clean and make me dinner which is a life saver I done the same for her when she had her twins
No one came to visit me at home but I booked an appointment with my gp who looked after me with the pregnancy
I feel like she isn’t getting any milk :( so I’m worried
My partner has told my brother in laws family to stay away till they are told they can visit and that could be a while it depends on how I’m feeling
I just feel like the worst person ever
You're not the worst person ever - you're doing your job and looking after that beautiful baby of yours. That's all you need to concentrate on at the moment.
You're only on day 4, that's pretty normal for your milk not to of come in yet. The next day or two it should. Remember colostrum is enough for them at this stage and their stomachs are tiny so lots of small feeds. Is she having wet nappies? That's always the best indicator.
Has bubs been checked for a tongue tie? That was the issue with my first and thirds latch. Definitely ask your gp about a health nurse. Mine came every week for 6 weeks and did a weigh and check on baby and answers my millions of questions
It’s possible she has tongue tie I have tongue tie
She does have wet nappies but not how
Many I expected maybe I’m
Expecting too much?
The breastfeeding association is a wonderful source - this is what it says about wet nappies
https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bf-info/general-breastfeeding-informati...
They also have a hotline that you can ring and speak to someone.
Also not sure on other states but here in SA we have Cafhs which are family health centres. You can go in at any time when they're open and weigh baby and talk to child health nurses there
Babies will cluster feed to help build your supply so don’t panic yet! On those days park yourself on the lounge with Netflix! Get as comfy as you can!
Also tell your partner what you need from him don’t assume he will know! I learnt that the hard way! I’d get in a tizz when he didn’t do what I expected after tears and a big argument his response surprised me. Men don’t tend to pick up on the subtles other women will!
Hi mumma! Congratulations on having bubba, how exciting.
There's something called the blues that most mumma's get around day 3, 4 and 5. And it's completely normal to question everything and feel like shit, or to literally just cry. My hospital were really good, the midwife came in on day 3 and explained that it's normal to feel sad and cry without a reason and told me to just let it happen. They supported me that whole day whilst I cried non stop over ridiculous things lol.
So please, don't question yourself. And don't question YOUR decisions on what is best for your situation. If you don't want them visiting because they haven't had the vaccination, you are well within your rights! I'd explain it via facebook for all to see that this is a decision you have made for your baby's safety and you can't wait for them to meet them once bub has had his/her vaccination at 6 weeks old. Explain that you'll send them photos if they wish and thank them for understanding. Then literally leave it at that. Honestly, she is the one who will be looking like a dick and I would imagine people are thinking she's an idiot for being inconsiderate. If I knew anyone ranting and raving over it I'd be mortified at their behaviour and think they're looney and self centred.
It is completely normal for you to not want people to visit until you are ready. I put a status on facebook explaining we can't wait for everyone to meet him but want to spend a few days alone first and to please text me on (insert number) prior to visiting to check it is okay. MOST people stuck by it, except the odd few who literally rocked up at 8pm to our house without warning. Maybe you could do the same just to kind of aim in at them specifically.
As they aren't directly related to you, this should be up to your partner to sort out. So I'd have him explain to his brother/sister that this is not appropriate and there's strong reasoning behind not allowing contact with your baby unless vaccinated. They can bitch and moan about him, not you!!!!!
Breastfeeding will come over time, if you're struggling contact your hospital and request a lactation consultant to come and help you out :) but your milk is still adjusting as is bubs, keep at it if you can and it will be a rewarding experience.
XXXXX
It's normal for you to be full of emotions, hormones, stress, worries.
A good friend (especially one with kids already) will understand and step back and support you or at least give you space.
Unfortuantely, welcome to motherhood and family- not all do.
As the first person said, you just do you or youll have a lot of regrets. Just reach out to them again when you're ready.
8am I’d be shutting the door in their face too, especially if they and their kids had colds. OMG what kind of disrespectful degenerates are they? Firstly you do you and don’t let anyone bully you into anything. I was in the hospital with my third when the chick next to me family came in with their child to see her newborn and the two year old had a bark. Like WTAF?? I made sure to mention it to the midwives and had them banned from our room. I got a cold and so did my baby. Breast feeding is hard, really hard. You need to focus on feeding and nothing else for the first few weeks remember babies come first, house work comes second. House work can wait babies cannot. Cal your CHN and see if they can come out and see you sooner or if there’s a lactation consultant you can see. They are really helpful. Get bubs checked for tongue tie, they can struggle to latch for many reasons. Your nipple is too big, they’re tongue tied, they are over tired. If bubs is constantly crying they will be over tired and they need to settle before you try and latch them. A crying baby never latches well. I feel like your currently suffering from the baby blues. See if your partner can get time off work for a week to help you out a bit. I’m glad he’s sorted out his family that’s not your job it’s his.
Hell yeah you were right. If they can’t respect your wishes at your house then They have the problem, not you. Good job standing your ground.
Take it easy on yourself too. This is a major change in many ways. Take it a day at a time.
Hell yeah you were right. If they can’t respect your wishes at your house then They have the problem, not you. Good job standing your ground.
Take it easy on yourself too. This is a major change in many ways. Take it a day at a time.
You are, without a doubt, in the right.
Continue to stand your ground.
I hope hubby is supporting you in this
Hubby needs a week or two off to help you. Put a sign on the door and screen all calls. Stay off facie, or unfollow.
Get a lactation expert involved
Don’t panic too much about whooping cough. None of us got vaccinated when my kids were born and they all survived. It seems the more people are vaccinated, the more whooping cough there is around....
Well they sound like some wonderful family members.
Hopefully they are "offended" enough that they don't come back to visit...ever haha.
I will never understand some poeple's thought process when it comes to a new baby. They act do entitled. Anyone with half a brain would read your sister in laws facebook status and think "shes just had a new baby! Don't be an arsehole!" So really shes making herself look like a fool.
You mumma are not the selfish one! You do you love! And as for your brother in law and his partner putting things through the family and Facebook 1.your family should be taking your side in respecting the wishes all new families want in regards to visiting with newborns and 2. Your partner should also be telling them to take down the nasty posts.