I've been finding myself down and depressed lately and have come to the sisterhood for advice. I have noticed that a couple of important relationships in my life are truly one-sided. The first being my sister, she lives a two hour drive away. We would see each other every school holidays, some weekends in between and would talk on the phone multiple times a week.
We had a very close relationship. I started working full-time and didn't instigate as many conversations as I used to as I began a very different routine and was still finding a balance for everything. I noticed that we began to talk a lot less, and in hindsight I realised that I initiated EVERYTHING. Conversations, visits etc. So I took a step back just to see if I would hear anything from her. I adopted the attitude "I will not make an effort for people who make no effort for me." And I haven't (I know I'm being stubborn).
I haven't seen or heard from my sister in over FOUR months. I know I no longer make the effort I used to, however I thought she would at least call occasionally, send an occasional "how's life?" Nope, NOTHING. The other relationships I am struggling with are my brother and sister-in-law. Again, very close relationship. I would often visit them for coffee, we'd have a lot of dinner parties, our children would play (very close cousins). Same situation, I didn't instigate as much as I used to and then realised I initiated everything.
Now I hadn't seen or heard from my brother and sister-in-law in over TWO months (with the exception of a family dinner, there was a lot of "omg, haven't seen you in ages" etc.) But to add insult to injury, my brother and sis-in-law live literally a TWO MINUTE drive, 15 MINUTE walk away. I understand I may have screwed up in taking a step back due to my stubbornness, however I haven't been hostile in any sort of way to anyone. I honestly thought that I meant more to them than what I do, I thought I was worth at least a "hi, how are you" text. Clearly not. How do I repair these relationships? (Sorry for the long-winded post).
4 Replies
You start by making yourself available. “Hey, haven’t seen you all in ages...when are you free next? I miss you!”
Then let them reciprocate.
I understand you feel like you are the one working on all of this, however sounds like you taking this path is causing yourself so much pain. Maybe just sent a text and say haven’t seen y’all in ages when are you free to catch up. Then they have to set it up. Its not worth falling out with fam over who sent a message first. Then when you get together tell them how life has changed with working FT and would love to hear from them (maybe they are trying to help by not being demanding or annoying) kinda ask them to hit you up to. Sounds like your fam is good hold on to it
I too have walked away from two long term friendships this year - the realisation that they only lasted as I chased them was really confronting and humiliating and confusing. Especially when they invite you to the big events and are all over you at their events but then nothing..
I don’t have an answer, but I could have written this word for word.....