I have a male friend who I know from years ago
He is now married with a baby and I’m engaged
The issue is his wife is very jealous of the fact I’m on his Facebook, we haven’t seen each other in years we just occasionally like each other’s stuff on fb and message each other to see how life is going
Tonight his wife cracked it cuz I liked a photo and now she is messaging me and abusing me. I haven’t replied to any of these messages.
I told my friend and he said he knows about it and told her to leave me be. Her last message was threatening me saying if I go after her man she will get me. If I block her will I set her off more? :/
25 Replies
Why not just delete him on fb? I get it the whole just friends thing blah blah. But honestly if I had a friendship that was causing trouble in someones marriage I would look seriously at ending it. Friends come and go but marriage is supposed to be forever, it has right of way in my book.
I feel this way too.
It’s not a close friendship either. It’s just Facebook, just get rid of him since it’s causing issues.
Block them all block all the people. I would lol
I’m in two minds here.
It seems a very over the top reaction from her so either she is simply bat shit crazy or maybe he has cheated in the past and she is incredibly sensitive and reactive to this.
On the one hand I get that you shouldn’t feel like your choices/friendships/social media is being dictated by a crazy person with the wrong idea, so why not just block her and carry on as normal?
On the other hand, it doesn’t sound like you are actually that close of a friend with this guy so it wouldn’t be that much of a loss to just block her and delete him. You don’t need any unnecessary drama on your life and his loyalty should be to his wife regardless of how she’s acting.
who wants to be part of that kind of drama? I wouldn't block her and carry on liking his Facebook as you know it's causing drama.
I think I would reply to her something like, 'he must have done something really awful to have lost her trust in him so badly, which is surprising as he was always trustworthy and straight up, and since they have a baby, I hope he's fixing it, but it has never been anything like that with you and never would be.'
I agree with the first comment. If you’re occasionally liking each other’s stuff that’s not even a friendship, anyone can like something - friendship is actually contacting the person and seeing them (where possible). I’d consider your “friendship” or just not like his stuff.
Honestly, he should block you if this is upsetting his wife so much. Or leave her if she's neurotic. But for you, I'd just stop contact with him. You don't need the drama that comes along with him.
I'm going to go against the grain here.
I wouldn't be giving up a friendship just because of a jealous partner and I doubt people would be suggesting you should if it were a female friend with a jealous husband who was sending you nutty messages!
I would just ignore her, there's obviously some problems within their marriage (or within this woman herself), none of that is your fault and neither are you causing drama by simply interacting with your friend on Facebook (and just as a side note, if I was to delete every friend that I only like their photos or message occasionally it'd be practically everyone - that doesn't mean our friendship isn't genuine!).
If my husband was friends with a girl and her husband reacted like that he'd walk away. Also, if I was friends with a bloke and it upset my husband that much I would prioritise him and distance myself unless the issue was that he controlled all my friendships.
If that works for you guys, that's great but I personally won't allow anyone to dictate who I can and can't be friends with, especially if there's unjustified mistrust!
Considering you rarely do it anyway, it's really easy to hang back and not like a post or start a conversation until hes sorted out whatever's going on.
As I said, dictate? No way. But respect their feelings if something feels off... Absolutely
So when you liked his photo, you knew what would happen, so why push the envelope? Are you hoping she acts crazy, to make her look like a psycho to her husband and cause issues? What’s your motivation, knowing the situation?
I didn’t know she would go over if I liked her photo
I’d be giving them both a wide berth.
Doesn't sound as though this is infrequent contact by her reaction unless the 2 of you have history? But if it really is, then it won't impact your life at all to just remove him from your social media
I think you have to consider both sides. The two of you know you're just friends right? So why is she excluded from that?
I'm feeling low today. I got home from work late last night and my partner had left the pc on with a message tab open. I'm not friends with him on FB and we don't have a joint account, I do know from when we were FB friends he is also friends with young women he used to work with at various jobs (and heaps of guys too so he's not only friending girls) and am fine with that, I learned however that he's been in regular contact and meets 2 of them for breakfast and lunch - I don't know how often.
I imagine they go to all the cool places in town that I'd love to go to but don't because I'd have to go by myself. He is up and gone to work by 5am before I even get up in the morning and he gets home about 7pm when I do. He has a shower, a cigarette and goes to bed. Now I've been up all night crying because I imagine all these times he's going to work early is so that he can make the time to meet them during the day when everything I do I do alone. I have tried to get him to do things with me, I ordered us tickets to a concert in January as a Christmas present for him and was going to go with him, now I'm just giving him both tickets and he can take whoever he wants.
This wouldn't have happened if I'd known, if I'd even met them before.
I can only assume he's embarrassed by me. I don't blame him, still hurts though.
It's only FB sure, but if it's a true friendship include her in it so she doesn't feel deliberately excluded because it messes with your head. A bit of transparency never hurts.
Sounds like you need to start your own question xxx What an ass. That is not a relationship sorry.
Thanks, but I don't have a question. I have a mound of hurt but I'm tough, the only thing worse than being forced to spend time with someone when you don't want to is being the one that someone feels forced to spend time with.
Good on you for showing the other side of this. No one knows the wife’s side of the story, if I were this women and the friendship was an unimportant as she states, I would walk away, why hurt another woman?
If you knew she was insecure and your “relationship” was causing problems why haven’t you just deleted him.
Doesn’t sound like it’s any loss out of your life. Why stir the pot and like things- just delete and block!
I was always "one of the guys". I have lost a few very close male friends because of the crazy women they have ended up with.
It hurts, but I honestly don't know how to help.
Maybe try being her friend?
Block her if he agrees to it. Don't unnecessarily cause more drama
does the wife have NPD? I'd get the husband to research the tell tale signs of NPD. Or is she "going crazy" because he's a cheat or she's been cheated on before.... hard one....
Block her and back off from him for a bit
Just delete him off facebook. He was a male friend from years ago. He wont be a male friend in the future. You won't be hanging out at BBQs. You won't be invited to his baby's first birthday. Your life won't be effected if you miss a social media post. Who knows whats going on in their life that its triggered his wife. Maybe something, maybe nothing, either way stuff that negativity and press unfriend.
My SIL's on both sides are very Jealous.
Both have admitted it.
I have fought a hard fight to not loose my brother...trust me..you wont win.
My brother chooses and justifies her behavior at all times.
Jealousy is acceptable as she wants what we have and it's ok to be awful because she wont work hard to achieve it.
My hubbies sister told me...when I broke his heart she would always be there..long after I was gone.
We have no contact with either of them.
I just make them, these evil monsters.
Just my being there sends them both nuts, I don't even have to say or do anything..
I also gave up my BFF (male) when I moved in with my hubby.
Him and I did everything together, my hubby even thanked him for being a surrogate boyfriend that he never had to worry about.
Once I moved in with my now hubby, I could see him not happy with all the contact we had.
He understood and we let our friendship go.
We were always mates, but hubby couldn't really deal with it when it was closer to his world.