Hubby and I have been married for 13 years and we’ve always been on and off. I struggle with depression and feel like I’m to blame for our failing marriage.
Did anyone find their marriage got worse after a baby? I feel like all we’ve done since our daughter comes along is fight. Bub is 13 months old. Bub wasn’t planned and she wasn’t something we did to try and save our marriage. She is very much loved and adored by both her father and I.
I am so sick of fighting depression and fighting with my husband who I do love very much. The fighting is not physical or nasty, just an argument then we stop speaking to each other. And I’m always the one to give in and say sorry.
I don’t want our daughter to see us like this. I want a happy family.
Tonight’s argument was me being hesitant about wanting another child. I don’t feel it’s fair on the child if I can’t offer it the best. I struggle with the child I’ve got some days as it is. I’m on my own every 2nd week as well as hubby works away. So sometimes hubby gets phone calls where I’m stressed out and that frustrates him.
I just don’t know if I can save my family.
I’m so tired 😞
I’m expecting the day my husband says he wants a divorce 💔
I do have an appointment to see my doc next week to get some help with my mental health again.
4 Replies
My mental health worsened with kids. It took a few years to stabilise. I still have fluctuations but it's pretty good now. Just give yourself a bit of time. If hubby wants another kid it doesn't sound like he thinks the marriage is in danger xxx
Kids are hard work! In another year or so it becomes so much easier! Always remember the chant “this too shall pass” before making any big decisions take a deep breath - it’s ok not to be ready to add to your family and it’s ok if you decide that one is enough. Your marriage will bounce back with some care. But for the first few years of parenthood it’s tough trying to settle into new roles and responsibilities your relationship changes. That resentment you feel is normal it sounds like you need some self care! Find someone to have bubs and have a facial! Use family and friends to have baby while you go for a walk! You got this Mumma!
Why are you so hard on yourself?
I feel like you might have the expectation that you have to have things under control and that you have to be happy at all times. But do you know how often I lose my shit? Do you know how often I’ve text or called my partner in tears or having a mental break down an hour after he left for a days work? And yet, I am a bloody good mother, and I’m a pretty good wife too. BUT IM NOT PERFECT. And neither are you.
It’s okay not to find motherhood a breeze, because it’s not. It’s okay to have bad days/months/years. It’s okay to fight and be angry, and say sorry.
So long as at the end of the day, you stay true to your values. You want to be a good mum and by the sounds of it, you are. You’re always making sure your bun is happy and healthy, props to you. You even do it on your own for periods of time which is extra hard.
It’s stressful. You’re stressed and so is your husband because he sounds like he works hard too. Maybe you guys need to start reconnecting and doing small things together that you both enjoy, so that these times outweigh your disappointments. But do remember, we all have arguments with our partners, it’s just making sure you balance these arguments out with just as many (if not more) nice moments.
Agree. I suspect maybe your relationship with your partner is a cause of your depression and feelings liek you havent got your shit together and arent coping.
Truth is none of us have and we all lose our shit about it, its hard work!!!