Not for Facebook please.
Hi mums, I’m after some advice on how to get some special bonding time with my 6 year old.
My kids are 6, 1, and 5 weeks old and I think I’m going alright. They’re bathed, fed, got clean clothes, the house is trashed but I’m finally getting everything under control again!
My problem is my 6 year old, he is amazing! He helps with the baby, he helps with the 1 year old, but I’m finding us drifting apart because we don’t get any mummy and son time. We were always so close and now I find it so hard to fit him in, of course I praise him for being so helpful and I tell him how much it means to me but we never really get any US time without it being interrupted and I feel he’s slowly starting to drift into child depression because of it, he always wants an iPad, phone or movies whereas 4 months ago he would have lived outside had it have been an option. Now, most people just say “get hubby to help with the two little ones while you do something together”... but hubby that was once amazing with the kids now pulls the “I work, I shouldn’t have to do this” card. He gets cranky that I work one day a week because he can’t handle the morning routine of breakfast and getting kids ready for the day😞
I don’t want to lose the amazing relationship we once had, please help with fun things we can enjoy with the two babies around.
Add: the 1 year old only has a 30 minute nap a day before bed at 8:30 and up again at 6:30 so nap time doesn’t give us any time because he’s at school for that 30 minutes
6 Replies
Coffe/hot chocolate dates with a special treat. Or in our house I make baby-chinos and we sit up at the table and drink and eat biscuits and chat away. Sometimes it’s only 5 minutes before he hops up and moves into something else but he has my whole full undivided attention until he does.
Other things like baking. You can make some easy simple no-bake stuff if you want it to be quick, but it’s still effective and some bonding time.
Colouring in. Play doh. Or any type of craft.
I’ll add, I also read my son a book every night once my daughter is in bed and then sing him a special song and chat to him about our day. This is often enough to reconnect us if it’s been a busy day and I didn’t get a lot of one-on-one
Ok, hubby doesn't get to pull that card. That needs to be discussed and overcome. Everybody matters and he needs to spend time with his kids and you need not to have all three all the time. Meanwhile, call in others, if you have a friend or babysitter or an hour before you pick them up after work, and spend it with him.
The most important tip I would give is to remember not to expect so much. They help so much and babies are so demanding that it seems the only option is to push the eldest to get themselves ready and help you get everything else ready. Just remember he's still so little and take that pressure off him any place you can. Breathe, ignore the stress and the babies, and do some of the small things for him, give him that minute of connection, mummy love and cuddles, and that will hold your bond x
You might want to remind hubby that single parents work and then pick up the kids and do that the whole rest of the time. Work is the break. Yeah it's hard, but it doesn't kill us, we are parents now, looking after our kids and our family's health and happiness is all part of the job.
If you separated, would he ever have his kids? Common custody is every second weekend. Just some things for him to think about his role in his family and what he's putting in (this is different to financial contribution!)
Nah Hubby, you don't get to check out from parenting duties just because you work.
We are all tired at the end of the day, we're all drained, we'd all love to come home and bum on the couch while someone else tends to the kids, cooking and whatever else needs doing but that's not how a partnership works!!
I'd insist he start giving you and Mr 6 half an hour in the arvos at least twice a week. If a 6 year old can help out with the babies, your husband will cope.
Firstly im sure you are doing an awesome job. You have a newborn plus a toddler plus older child so dont be hard on yourself. Id try do the bedtime routine a previous poster has suggested or try (yes i know difficult) to carve out some time on the weekend for just some mummy and son time. Which will be my next point you need to nip your husbands attitude in the bud before it gets worse. Just because he work is not a get out of jail free card for him not to have any parental responsibilties. There is nothing but his horrible attitude stopping him from watching the bubs on a weekend whilst you and your son have some quality time. There is nothing stopping him from taking your son out on a weekend either.