Hi Im's
I don't know where to start, um I'm now 29 but when I was 17 I was seeing a guy who told me he was 27 he had 2 kids fulltime which I helped raise the year of us being together 2 weeks after my 18th birthday we broke up due to him telling me he was really 33 and he had cheated. About 2 months later I get a call from my mum asking if we'd been intimate or anything. Next thing I know she was sleeping with him. I know its history and its in the past but everytime I hear the name or she mentions it in general conversations it infuriates me so much and she is aware of how I feel yet she doesn't see how what she did was wrong... they no longer have contact but how do I move on from this and leave it in the past?
How to get closure and move on?
How to get closure and move on?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Self Care
9 Replies
It sounds like your mum has a screw loose! I’d be blunt, that it’s not a topic to be brought up, ever.
I suspect there is more dysfunction in your mum and your relationship, because these things don’t usually happen in normal mother/child relationships.
I suspect getting some counselling might help. And coming to some kind of understanding that your mum is not a healthy normal person will help lead to finding some peace.
I think it is really unhealthy that 12 years later you are still hung up on this. But your mum sounds a bit half there if she did that to you and still talks about it!!
Do you need to have contact with your mum? Because it might be time to cut ties? If my mum did that to me I’m not sure I’d be her friend..
We live together, she needed some help so I help her pay the mortgage.
You’re doiggher a favour after she did that to you?
She might be your mum and all but... she’s a lucky one lol
Maybe see a counsellor to help you work through it because by now you think you’d have been able to put it past you but it seems to be hanging around
Yes doing her a favour. I have no feelings towards the guy don't care where he is what he's doing. The only time I actually think about it is when his name is mentioned, she doesn't think she did anything wrong but I see it as its a line that shouldn't be crossed.
I think you both need to attend a therapy session where you can openly and safely discuss your feelings. Having someone there to listen and assist means you won’t be interrupted and they can help her see what she did was wrong.
This all sounds really dysfunctional. Mum sounds psychologically unstable to sleep with her daughters ex.
Create and enforce some boundaries:
"Mum, please don't discuss 'John' when im around. It brings back painful memories for me.
If you want us to have a functional relationship, you need to respect my wishes".
If she won't do that, I think it'd be best to move out and take a step back for the sake of your emotional well being.
Remember, you don't owe your mum anything. You're currently doing her a significant favor, if she's going to keep throwing ancient shit back in your face, you're not obliged to keep helping her.