I don't even know where to start.
Three years ago I split up with my sons father he was three he's now 6. At first he was a great father we did week on week of for about a year and it was great no problems or anything. He has always had a problem with drugs and stuff like that but he was going good. He had a girlfriend that I later found out that she did all the parenting to our son on his week. After she left he went down hill... Drug addiction and stuff like that he came good again but he only wanted our son for the weeks ends... Okay yep not a problem. We did that for roughly 6 months then he went down hill again but this time he's just stayed down hill.... Ice addiction Benzo addiction (oxycottin and endone). So he just seen our son when he wanted to....he then gets busted driving from Brisbane to our home town with 3 pounds of pot in the car so he lost the car and his licence for 18 months..... Fast forward to this year our son started prep the house he was renting was a stones throw away from his school I mean you could literally see the school from his house.
This is when it got really fucked up..... He wanted to have our son for the first day of school and I meet there in the morning and we would walk him together to his first day of school I thought you know what why not. So I rock up at 8 the morning of... There both still asleep when I rock up after banging on the door he finally woke up and he opens up the door and my sons head had been shaven pretty much to the skin mind use it was a catholic school he was starting at... I just started balling my eyes out and he laughs and goes hahaha oh yeah we did that at midnight last night.. I lost my shit... I stopped visiting rights for a week but I gave in because my son missed his father and I felt super bad...... Over the first term of school he had our son a few nights over the school week and every single time he failed to send our son to school because they slept in šso I said no more through the week and he blew up about it but got over it. A few weeks later his fucking landlord rings me and goes your ex hasn't paid rent and is refusing to leave I'm letting you know so your son isn't there when he is police escorted him out I'm like WTF but thank you........ he ended up catching up on rent so he got to stay.... So fast farward to last school holidays he asked if he could have him for a week I said okay no problem..... So when my son got home after the week he was balling his eyes out I'm like whhhattt and I finally got it out of him because daddy made him promise not to say anything that his father was sharpening knife's in front of him to go hurt people those were my sons words so I cut contact completely that was it... Luckly for me there wasnt really much back fire because he was heavily on the drugs (witch I had no idea about) week four into last term my husband got a job offer four hours away so we took the job offer and moved but with my sons new school it required a Signiture from the father... So my husband and myself set up a meeting to have a chat..... I said where moving an I need this signed so our son can go to school and he was all for it he was like yep yep and yep signed his little heart out..... We had to meet him at his new home witch was a dingy little motel room.... He asked if he could have our son I said ummmmm no lol but I'm happy to stay for a little bit longer so you can see and yep all good we did that... He is 30 and he had a girlfriend who was 16 living with at the motel..... So fast forward again we did the move all was well..... Hadn't heard from his father three weeks ago he text me and said can I call our son and I said yep not a problem at all.... So I rang him and handed the phone to our son they chatted and then my son had to go to the toilet so I got chatting with his father..... His father informed me that he had been arrested on suspicion he had a fucking bomb on him (ended up being canisters taped together) and then he said he got arrested again because one of the hotels he was living at said they thought he was cooking meth and I'm thinking to my self you have sunken so low and luckly we don't live there any more...... A few days later he rings again same thing wanted to speak to our so again no hesitation from me..... He then tells me that him and his mother chocked each other and now are going through court for it I'm like wtf.......
So three days ago he calls me and goes I want my son for a week I will meet you half way and you can give him to me and we are staying at his mums.. I'm like aghh no your not having our son for a week he started going of at me same as his mother I just hung up he rang me again yesterday and started having ago and I said I'm sorry i don't feel comfortable after everything you have done and have told me and then I hung up.... I have blocked his number and his mums and stuff because I don't want the abuse....... Have I done the right thing? Can I say no with out looking bad yet? Iv giving enough chances!
13 Replies
Honestly saying no is long overdue. I would seek legal advice to have supervised visits set up with the condition he passes drug tests before hand. Do not put your son or yourself in a position to potentially get hurt.
You really need to seek legal advice about this. I would have done it a long time ago.
Document everything. Only communicate through text so you have a trail.
Say no to visitation BUT tell him he can organise mediation and you are would agree to supervised visitation in a contact centre. Say this ALL through text.
He wonāt be able to organise it but thatās more proof you are doing the right thing and that he is incapable of keeping his child safe.
Wow you have done so well god I would be so proud of myself if I handled things like you have. I would file an Application in a Case at court and start the proceedings to get Sole parental responsibility and stop him from seeing your son at all, everything that happens is no good for your little boy.
Honey, you should of said no a long time ago. This man isn't safe for your child to spend time with unsupervised and considering the violent tendencies, supervision should be at a contact centre!! You have done the right thing, dont let anyone tell you you havent. Stay strong and protect your little boy.
This is concerning and should have been stopped a long time ago. Go to mediation yourself and agree to nothing less than supervised visits pending a decent number of clean drug tests. Your child needs to be protected from this and he will either get clean or wonāt be able to. If not then heās not able to take care of a child in any capacity. In that case all you can do is seek support for your child to help him through it. Some of those thing you have described sound deeply traumatic... your child needs to be protected and feel safe. Wish you all the best.
Agree with all others. Its a definite no. For your sons safety and wellbeing.
To be blunt, I donāt see you as noble like the others, putting your sons relationship with his father above all. Quite honestly, I feel like you have consistently acted irresponsibly and put your son in danger and it needs to stop immediately. Drug user, intermittent or whatever, he has no place being an unsupervised parent and I think youāre lucky your son hasnāt been harmed.
100% agree with you!
I have refrained from commenting on this one because I couldn't get my thoughts across without being a complete bitch.
To the original poster: You've made some bad choices along the way here too, make the right choice now by getting some long overdue arrangements in place to keep your son safe! I'm not even sure why you're questioning it, it needs to be done.
The nonchalance got me......āheās always been into drugs and stuff like thatā.....I couldnāt believe what I was reading!
Cut ties permanently and immediately. He is bad news and your son does not need to see any of it or be in that environment. Stop enabling him by allowing him to see or speak to his son. Seek legal advice immediately too.
Seek legal advice. And get something in writing now that he canāt have your son. From what Iām reading thereās no parenting order in place, thereās nothing stopping your ex going to the school and picking your son up
I think a better question would be - "why didn't I as a mother, protect my child, and say no a LONG time ago?". You have exposed your child to so many emotionally and mentally damaging experiences, situations and circumstances. No relationship with his father should be more important to you, than your sons safety. Your sons safety is paramount and the fact that you are willing to send your son to his house for a week at a time even though you know he has a history of drug abuse and could potentially still be using, shows a complete disregard for his safety. The fact that you said "So fast farward to last school holidays he asked if he could have him for a week I said okay no problem..... So when my son got home after the week he was balling his eyes out I'm like whhhattt and I finally got it out of him because daddy made him promise not to say anything that his father was sharpening knife's in front of him to go hurt people" gives me the impression you didn't check in on your sons wellbeing for that entire week. That means he has been exposed to all sorts of negative situations and you are none the wiser. Your son shouldn't have been left unattended in his fathers care AT ALL, let alone for an ENTIRE WEEK! You need to find the core reason why it has taken you this long to put your sons wellbeing first and address it. This may be blunt, but sometimes people really need to be honest and straight to the point to give an individual a real reality check. You should consider yourself lucky that your son hasn't been harmed more than he already has.