Dear imperfect mum
I really need some advice. Im in a relationship with someone who i believes doesnt respect me at all.
We have two children who ive been FTSHM to since the oldest was born. To be honest he took little interest with either of them. But after the oldest was about 2/2.5 then he showed more interest.
Problems and issues within the relationship have spiralled to an all time low for me. He started working away last year and honestly i love when he is away. Its so calm and relaxed with the kids and myself.
To summerise his 'issues' towards me which i heard tonight. I don't care about the oldest one, dont put him to a proper school (he is in a temp school to help support a specific need he has and will most likely transition back to maib steam after one more academic year) , dont feed him properly (ie not meat and two veg but they are both anazibg eaters!), ive been accused of hogging the kids, doing what i want to do (kids orientated activities!), doing what i do all day every day while he is away working, i never want to do anything as a family (his choice, his time frame, his decision-yes he is a control freak!), im continuing breastfeeding the youngest just to cling onto her. Like im forcing her!
I believe he is emotionally immature, is controlling, financially controlling even though he acts like i have free reign (i dont!), he pays me an allowance of $1250 a month to pay for 'whatever i want' but whatever i want in his mind is actually coles, clothes for the kids, presents for birthday parties, gas for the car...so hardly what i want! He also earns more that that in one day.
He is now saying we should split and he will set me up in a house etc unless i do some serious grovelling for my behaviour the night he got home (i was super stressed as he had put a lot on me and expectations of the next weeks ... Moving, telling me i need to find a job etc).
The biggest catch is he said the kids will go to him 50/50. I am absolutely terrified of this. Yes i know he is there father but the youngest is under 2 and still bf and i just dobt believe 50/50 over nights etc is a stable envirobment for them. He works away (says he will quit) so thwir security is with me and each other.
I am all over the place. Can he really take them 50/50 when so young? He has the money to get a lawyer etc and ofcourse i have less than $1k in the bank and zero access to anything else. I honestly feel like he is negligent in the way he parents. He lets the oldest obe watch telly until he falls asleep, doesbt keep a schedule...only to what suits him. I genuinely dont trust him not to leave them in the bath unattended etc.
Please help with any advice. But also pls be kind because i feel really alone right now.
Thank you
3 Replies
You need to walk away from him. Apply for Centrelink. Stay in the house.
He won’t want 50/50. He’s trying to control and manipulate you. Given the history you’ve given (he works away) NO judge will ever rule that regardless of how expensive his layer is.
You’d get more money on Centrelink, then from his payment to you.
He doesn’t love you, telling you to grovel when he gets back?!
No way! Apply for Centrelink, apply for child support and wait to see wha his next move is.
He won’t want 50/50, they just say that to be d!ckheads. Even if he did want that, there’s no way the court will award it because of his FIFO work. He will probably get every weekend he is back from work, at the very most.
I disagree. He clearly does want 50/50 and he is their father and entitled to it. Letting a child stay up late might not be wise if it's frequent, but it's not negligence. And from what you've written I think I might see where he's coming from. You seem to be dismissing his opinion on issues. I doubt it's that simple, but both of your views and roles are equally important. So either find a way to parent together as a couple, or parent 50/50 separately.