What can I do?
My ex and I separated 4 years ago due to domestic violence. We have two children who are 7 and 4. Things have not been great since the separation and the verbal, psychological and emotional abuse has continued. My ex suddenly moved interstate a few weeks ago and is still giving me a really hard time. He wants me to send the kid's to him for the entire school holiday's. I just don't think it's a good idea. I'm happy for them to go for a week but I know they won't cope being away from home for so long. I've tried to explain this but he just sees it as me being selfish and trying to gain power over him. What can I do?
What are my options
What are my options
Posted in:
Kids
6 Replies
4 is way too little to be having to spend two weeks away from mum. I know my 4yo would not cope. And it wouldn’t be fair.
What time has he had over school holidays in the past?
I guess if he has had them the two weeks previously then he probably can’t see why it should be different now. But also that depends if you still saw them in those two weeks.
If they’ve never spent two weeks with him before, then just say you aren’t comfortable with it and that maybe they would be better just one week these holidays. Once they’ve got used to his new house/the town ect, they MIGHT be able to spend two weeks next holidays
Do not send them. If there are no court orders stating the kids go interstate do not send them.
Then contact a mediation service and organise mediation. It probably won’t achieve anything other than make it look like you’ve tried to do the right thing.
If he suddenly moved states without sorting care arrangements for his kids first, that’s on him.
As to his abuse over the phone/email etc. go into Woolworths and buy a cheap prepaid phone. Have your current number changed to that phone. Turn the phone off and put it in a drawer. Check it once a day only and only respond to texts that are polite and need responding to. Don’t get drawn into arguments.
Give your friends and family your real phone number. At least that way you aren’t getting bombarded with abusive texts etc all day.
Do not send them without proper legal advice.
Do whats right and fuck what he thinks of you. Hes abusive remember of course he thinks and says youre shitty.
Dont send the kids. Make sure there is court papers in order before they go anywhere or he doesnt have to return them.
Its not withholding it is pending agreement. Let him sort it out he may not do it at all.
But do seek legal advice and make sure youve got yourself all in order. Then youre free to cut contact and ignore him.
I am in the exact same situation, my ex husband moved interstate about 12 months after we separated. I can tell you now that no court is going to send them on their own to see him. My ex has to fly here from Interstate then fly back with the kids accompanied. He gets them for a week, not the full school Holidays. They are 8 and 6. It’s been 3 years and he STILL has to do it. My oldest is 11 and for the last 18 months she refuses to go because she doesn’t like him. He can’t force her to go. If he wants to play that little game he can go back to court but he will lose and he knows it so he hasn’t tried. You are NOT obliged to send them at all and 2 weeks is too long. There is no way a court would say that’s a good idea. Don’t send them, you know you’re not being vindictive, narcissists will say you’re out to get them and ruin them and blah blah blah it’s all your fault - ignore the emails. You’ve said what is happening, just ignore him from now on. Let him take you to court. You will win.
Do not send them to him without a parenting/court order in place. He can always say you sent them to him to keep. Especially if things are not amicable and strained and still abusive. It's a way of controlling you.
4 is way too young to send a child away for 2 weeks to a strange place and so is 7 if I'm being honest. Tell him if he wants to see them he will have to return back to the state as you won't be giving permission for them to leave the state. Then put your children onto a no fly list. I'm pretty sure there is one. You can lift it once court orders have been completed. My ex left town almost 2 years ago. I still refuse to let my oldest child go to there without his siblings because I know he'll never keep all of them because he can't handle them any more than 48 hours at a time. Our oldest son would be kept and not given back.
Do not send them. If he tries to powerplay you and not send them back, you'll be in a horrible legal battle.