Hi IMs
I hope this is ok to post this here as I have no other safe spot to get this off my chest and am too ashamed to talk to my psych about it.
It is both something I had done to me as a child and then I did to another child. I would like to hear how those in the same boat coped and what steps to move on did you take?
When I was around the age of 9 years old I was sexually abused by my neighbour- he never did anything to me I was made to do stuff to him. I don’t know how long this went on maybe a year all up? Until I finally worked out ways of avoiding him
Growing up I get children experiment kissing and touching on other children age appropriate. However I use to experiment with my brother/cousins and it’s consuming me I can’t sleep with my partner and the whole idea of sex makes me feel dirty now. My cousin and I would have been the ages of 10-12 and my brother 7 at the time from fondelling each other rubbing up against each other kissing etc. i never forced myself on them or anything but was always my idea to play Mum and dads and by the age of 12 my cousin and I worked out that it was wrong and never again played.
I’ve never spoken to my brother about it or if it effects him were mid 20s he’s 3 years younger. I know children mucking around is Normal but cannot move past this experience (have been assulted other times and have moved past them)
3 Replies
Children who have been sexually assaulted often act out what happened to them on other children to try and make sense of the situation. I understand why you wouldn't want to tell your psych but this is a lot more common than you think and you are still the victim here. You need to talk to your psych to help move past it. That is what they are there for. I would suggest to email your psych before your appointment to advise there is something you need to bring up but you have been too ashamed until now. They should then prompt you and this will stop you chickening out last minute. Once you are there you only need 20 seconds of immense bravery to get it off your chest and out to someone who can help. Talking about it past that point Will be much easier. Good luck.
I used to do this with my cousin when we were about 9-10. Never been sexually abused or anything like that and as far as I know, he wasn’t either. We were just curious. I had forgotten all about it until this post. I wonder how many others did the same thing?
I have a friend who did this. I think I was about 8 or 9 when she said something about it to me. I never saw it, but she told me she’d done this with neighbours kids.
She has had a life full of turmoil, failed violent relationships & hard core drug addiction, which has led to a serious illness, which was almost the end of her life. Over a year later she’s still battling this illness.
I don’t know if she was abused as a child. If she was, she kept that part from me. But it would add up.
She was 12 when she started abusing drugs, alcohol & I guess, sex. I would guess that with the knowledge you gain at 12 (generally the first year of high school), would also come the knowledge that something isn’t right.
Unless you are taught that something isn’t ok, how can you possibly know to not copy what you’ve seen or experienced?
The only one who can heal your past is you, and the only way to do that is to start x