I’m clutching at straws here, but I really don’t know what to do.
6 years ago my then teenage daughter was raped by a trusted member of the family. It took a couple of years for it to come out and my daughter insists that she’s OK and is dealing with it, but she’s so far from OK and it’s affecting every aspect of her life.
This girl who was once a bubbly, confident, happy go lucky teenager has become a very troubled, extremely angry adult suffering anxiety and depression.
The attacker has been reported but never brought to justice (she won’t have him charged) and is such a psychopath that he is in complete denial and continues to victimise her. The CASA team can’t do anything unless she instigates it, which she won’t. All family ties have been broken but they live in the same area and she won’t move so continues to be faced with him and his family on a regular basis. This is so unhealthy for her, but she stays there anyway.
My daughter refuses to open up about what’s happened and refuses to acknowledge that she needs help dealing with it. I tried getting her to talk to a member of the CASA team in our area and she had one session before flatly refusing to go back.
I just don’t know what to do for her.
She’s a shell of her former self and it breaks my heart that I’m helpless to do anything to ease her pain. She’s now having intense nightmares about him and wakes up screaming and crying and feeling dirty, but still insists she’s OK and has dealt with it.
How can I help her??
6 Replies
I would keep trying to get her to CASA if I was you. I went there and as much as I hated it to begin with it helped more than anything else
Maybe try to focus on moving forward than the trauma? Give her an escape... Like taking up a hobby together or paying for a course. Some people find the only way to move past trauma is to put it behind them and find something else to occupy their thoughts, time, efforts etc.
Cam finances allow an extended holiday? Maybe you and her take a couple of months amd travel. Either around Australia or Europe.
If she can get away for a while it might change her perspective. Maybe get her to think about a GP as well. They can help with mental health plans.
Cam finances allow an extended holiday? Maybe you and her take a couple of months amd travel. Either around Australia or Europe.
If she can get away for a while it might change her perspective. Maybe get her to think about a GP as well. They can help with mental health plans.
I am 3.5years post sexual assault.
My mother tried to get me to report the incident and have the perpetrator charged. I couldn’t. She also tried forcing me to speak with a professional. I couldn’t and still to this day I can’t, I haven’t reached that stage yet. I also tried going to CASA and it made me feel as though this really is happening and I can’t process that yet. Don’t force it though, because being forced to do something is exactly what happened to us.
I’ve soldiered on because I myself am a mother and I have children depending on me but the last thing I wanted was acknowledgment of what happened to me. I don’t want to be a victim, I just wanted to continue to live my life as I did prior.
Continue to support her rather than trying to get her to seek help. Just sit in the wings waiting for when she is ready to take that step but in the meantime let her know you are there for her at any time and always will be. That’s all I want with my parents is to know they are there for me whether it be big or small and that when I am ready I know I can go to them.
My heart aches for you mumma!
I would approach from a very empathetic and sympathetic angle. Wait for her to break again, and let her see you being vulnerable and hurt by her pain. Explain to her that there are people out there who will help, explain that this is not her fault, explain that you will be by her side, and try and get her to put into words that she doesn’t want to feel this way and then explain that she doesn’t have to.
I too have had to see CASA for my 4yo son, and they were beyond amazing, when I didn’t think that they would be able to help him.
They also helped with having my husband and I have sessions, this helped us to release a lot. And helped us have one approach to our son, all working together for the common goal of helping our boy.
CASA will know how to help