How to leave when you still love someone.
Has anyone left a marriage to someone that they still love, and the partner loves them, and there is no DV involved, you just arent happy anymore?
He can be sweet, caring and funny. But he is also extremely lazy around the house and with the kids and there is a slight issue with minor gaslighting (no personal putting down stuff) that i take issue with since i have anxiety and depression.
He also has terrible anxiety that is wearing everyone down and he refuses to get help for. And that fact is making this decision even harder
I am also concerned because if we were to split then he wouldnt have much support and that concerns me.
If you have been in this situation, id love to hear your experiences on how you broke the news and made it work
3 Replies
I’ve been in this situation. I realised that by staying I wasn’t helping him. All that was happening was I loosing myself and creating an unhappy situation for my child.
I found after I left, he magically started to find support! And I was feeling less warm down and starting to feel so much better. Which in turn I could help my ex in much healthier ways.
My child was also happier as they weren’t living in that environment anymore and when they were it was for shorter periods of time.
It’s tough that’s for sure! You can be a friend and support from afar. You don’t actually realize how bad it is until you’ve left. Space to breath, to be your own person, make your own decisions. My kids were much happier. The energy is instantly calmer, more relaxed when he’s not around. All the best! I kept trying for well over 10 years. When you are losing yourself and the kids don’t seem happy, it’s time to make changes
When something is broken, don't throw it away - fix it. Every marriage/relationships have issues from time to time, but that's how relationships grow. You deal with the issues together and become stronger together. If he is depressed, this clearly explains why he is "lazy" - he isn't deliberately being lazy, it's a mental health condition and he needs help. If you both love each other, and he is good to you - why throw it away that easily? Life is tough but life without someone you love is tougher. Marriage is to be together through the good and the bad, through sickness and in health - he needs you. Don't throw him away. Please get counseling if you haven't already, sounds like you both need it if you both struggle with anxiety/depression. Have a good serious talk with him on where you are at in this moment. So hopefully he can put the effort to seek help and make this work. In your darkest moments, dont make big decisions. Seek professional help, it's easier to throw it away when depression has a hold of you... but you will regret it later. Life can be so hard at times i know, we can easily give up - but don't as yet unless you really need to and your life and your kids life depend on it(domestic voilence/abuse or he is being unfaithful/cheating). All the best to you both 💗💗