I'm worried this is going to be long so I'm going to try and keep it short.
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He has 2 sons full time and I have my daughter full time.
His been amazing to us. My daughter is 2 and a half and never meet her dad he was DV. His stepped up and taken her on. He there for us in that way he took her out yesterday on a little date and I selpt as I haven't been sleeping cause she's up all night.
He helps me financially. And we have so much fun together.
We don't live together yet. His only started to do settlement with his ex. Let's just say she's a different character. She's taken a restraining order out on us claiming DV towards their sons claims I've been beating by boyfriend up in front of them and verbally abusing them to to mention everything else. Wants them taken out of our care yet she let's us have them every night of the week but one if she decides to. (No parenting plans etc)
Well lately things have started to change, his started to change. His been drinking alot lately has been Fighting with his ex alot about the kids. His been taking it out on me. Some nights we have the biggest fights you could ever imagine. Yelling and screaming at each other.
Now I've never been a sexual person. Where he seems to be. He wants it every night this year. Now it's to the point if I don't want it he gets up set and offended. If we have a nice day together he will say we have to have sex to make it a perfect ending. The latest thing is the only way to show some one you love them is to "make love to them". I feel now I have to have sex with him cause if I don't he won't talk to me for the night and half of the next day. Or he will get Moody.
When I kiss him during the day or give him a nice hug he will say I'm just leading him on and then disappoint him and not have sex with him.
He said to me yesterday after buying some PlayStation games, (His never played it before but decided after I got my sister one he would get a game) that he won't get addicted family comes first
He then went on to bring up my ex. He use to get home from work and play to 12 at night and then come to bed and damand sex. That's another story but this man I couldn't say no to or he would force me. My partner said to me "so he would play all night then you would have sex with him" I told him I don't want to talk about it that he knows my past and how hurt I am from it and traumatized. He told me that is rediculas I would let him (my ex) have sex with me and not him. This really hurt because I didn't I didn't have a choice. And his now been charged. His using this now to try and make me have sex with him I feel. I feel so awkward so different right now like I don't know who this man is.
His not their for me emotionally. Told me after that talk that he doesn't get why I didn't just leave my ex why I waited so long. Women you know it's not just that easy to walk out of a DV relationship that they have this hold on you.
I wish my boyfriend would just understand my past.
The other thing that set me off last night was there was a news report on the TV about eating disorders. I stared to tear up that girl in the wheel chair at age 14 was a spitting image of me. I almost died 10 years ago my teenage hood was stolen from me. It's still something today I'm working on. It was explained to the public what it was like to watch your daughter almost die. And the daughter was explaining it too. I sat there just remembering the life I use to live the tube down my throat, and my boyfriend was on his phone to his ex messaging her getting angry at her. He didnt even notice me crying. Didn't even want to watch the news. It was like as soon as it came on and I started listening he shut off and went on his phone.
He NEVER wants to be there for me emotionally. It's like it's all to much for him. But I really need him to be.
His talking about marriage soon but I don't know if I really want that any more if he can't be there for me emotionally or make me feel awful if I don't have sex with him.
Are theses red flags? Do you think it's just a phase?
I don't even know how to talk to him about it I've never been able to express my feelings to him.
I want him to come to my concling appointments but he won't. He works 6 days a week says he doesn't have the time to. I feel so lost
Boyfriends changing
Boyfriends changing
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care
11 Replies
Using rape to guilt you makes him an abuser. I have no issue with him not comforting you while you watched TV. But guilting you about being a victim is a big sign to run
I didn’t have to read it all to know that you are in another DV situation. He is emotionally abusing you.
You know already that abusers don’t get better, they get worse over time. He is the worse kind because he makes you think he is Prince Charming to lull you into a false sense of security.
It’s time to end this relationship.
Another DV relationship, you need us to confirm it because you aren’t there yet, you still don’t have enough self worth. The problem is your very bad ex is your yardstick and because this guys abuse is not quite as bad at this stage, you feel it must be okay. I cannot stress to you enough how important it is for you to stay single for a long time, get therequired therapy and be whole again alone. Focus on your children, focus on yourself, you can get there, I promise, I have and you can too. Sending you love and light at this difficult time xxxx
Yes this is a red flag... if he keeps wearing you down you are going to be pressured into sex and I would be angry as hell that he is comparing your relationship to your ex’s! I’d be telling him it’s no joke and what your ex did was rape. If he wants to strive for that kind of relationship he’s got the wrong girl! Stand strong and listen to these red flags because you need to protect yourself from be abused again. Honestly, I’d be telling him the you’ll not be discussing in any more detail what happened with your ex because he is using it to as leverage to get what he wants 😡
Oh dear. You are in big trouble if you stay with this one. He has issues all over and if you know one thing its that you cant change them ans the chance that theyll change is nil. It never gets better, the show at the start was an act its not coming back. Youve had clues from the start as well havent you, the sex, the attitude the selfishness it was always there.
I think you should also reach out to his ex and meet for a coffee and hear her side. Only if youre not going to run it back to him and cause trouble, but it would could be good information for you to have.
This has all the characteristics of Narcissistic Personality disorder. He is using sex as power. You need to get him to a psychiatrist or psychologist and he needs to be medicated for his mental health. If it works you will be in a relationship with a changed man.
This is sooooo wrong, I can’t even....there is NO medication for narcissism, years of therapy can make a very small change, very small, if he is a narcissist, there is NO cure....Pleas check your facts before you give such ignorant advice.
Fuck that shit! She needs to run a mile. Not her job to fix him while he abuses her!!!!
Big hugs your way.
Please leave this emotional draining relationship, this isn’t right at all.
Think of your mental health and your daughters - most important.
What is his ex’s reason for breaking up? Have you heard her side, not just his? It might just be some of these things that are happening to you +more... and if it is that more will probably happen down the track to you.
There is someone else out there for you, and it’s ok not to have someone for awhile, love yourself x
No no no no no! You are not ready for a relationship, and even if you were, this guy is no good. Bad bad bad! Sorry for being repetitive but this guy is mean, nasty, abusive and insensitive. Do not move in together. Continue with your own counseling. Heal your own wounds. Then you will attract the right type of guy that you deserve.