My partners brother has 3 kids and not much money so we offered to take the two older ones out one at a time on the weekends to go to a theme park or something we can only afford to take one child at once as we only have one wage.
Now the parents of the children are saying they want us to take both at once. How can I politely say sorry we can’t afford to take two at once. We’re not trying to be mean but we can’t afford two entries to a theme park and two Lots of food etc :(
Edit we have our own kids and tend to save up and take them out once a month which is why we offered the extra seat in the car and a day out once a month to each of the kids
No I can’t fit two extra kids in the car unless I leave one of ours at home
17 Replies
You say no. You dont need an excuse. However if you want to work it out, say its too expensive, then either they will pay or instead of doing one each fortnight just wait a month then take both.
Id guess the reason they asked for both is because it gives them a break. They might even line up someone else to have the third at the same time.
You don't have to do something expensive. Take them fishing or bushwalking or to the pool.
You just say no.
It’s incredibly nice you’d offer to take the kids to a theme park. They can either take it or leave it.
What about instead of going to theme park, you do something else that will be cheap but fun and would include both kids?
Can you just hold onto the money you would have spent on the first child so you can take them both at the same time?
It is a tad rude if them to ask but I do kind of get why they did. I've had relatives make similar offers, for us it's been more hassle than anything. More often than not they'd forget to take the other after my first child had their turn, it would start arguments and so forth and I'd be the one to hear about how unfair it all was. So now if they offer I make it clear, if they aren't willing to take both at once they don't take them at all - simply for my sanity!
At the end of the day though, if you want to do it one at a time you just have to be honest and tell them so!
Could you just do something cheaper? I wouldn't think it was fair on the other kids to only take 1 to a theme park.
Why don't you just take them somewhere cheaper? You're not really helping them out by taking the kids to a theme park. But you are enriching the kids lives by having them build a strong relationship with their aunt and uncle. You could take them skating, to an indoor playground, to a free outdoor playground, to the beach and take kites, to the movies, on a Bush walk, to the science museum (my 4 and 6 year old loved it)... Options are endless.
Love these ideas!
If you pack your own food that cuts the costs down loads too!
I usually pop into woolies before outings and buy a 6 pack of fruit boxes for $3, a bag of tiny teddies, fine fruit and yummy stuff for sandwiches. Usually totals about $15 to feed all 3 of my kids and myself and we have stuff left over for the next few days.
Where as when we buy take away, it has been up to $50 spent!
We have a our own kids that’s why we said only
One at a time so we could afford it
We normally save up and take ours once a month so decided to offer the extra seat in the car to one of theirs
I agree is there a way you can take two at the same time? I know you will take the other the next month but sometimes kids can’t see that far ahead. You want this to be a positive thing, not leaving one child feeling hurt and disappointed. I see the parents point of view to be honest.
We can’t afford it and can’t fit everyone in the car unless I leave one of my kids at home
The only issue I see is car seats. Instead of taking 1 in June and the other in July you could just put money aside in June and take both in July. But honestly, I think leaving a child behind is very upsetting. Why not keep this activity for your own family and have your nieces and nephews over for play dates? No financial cost other than some snacks and no car seat issues. It's a lovely thought you had, but it sounds logistically as though it would only work with less kids.
Can you just be honest with them? Then if theyre honest witj you maybe it wil cause endless bickering and crying in their household, so the solution is to cancel that idea and find another that suits you both.
I sympathise with the situation, you've nicely offered what you can afford and do logistically but I do feel for the child that's left behind.
Imagine your sibling and cousins all going off to a theme park and you're stuck at home (I know this child will get their turn but a month to a kid is a lifetime).
You don't want to leave one of your kids at home, I guess your brother in law feels the same.
See if you can compromise or if they're willing to do some travelling, if not you may need to think of another activity.
If car seats are a problem, just invite them over to your house and do something special, party food and balloons is enough to make kids excited. I would can the idea of only one coming, it’s not fair.
Being on the other side to this where certain family members play favourites with my kids I have had to say the same. It's all or none. I would rather they missed it rather than have one go somewhere really cool and exciting and the other crying because they don't understand why they weren't asked to go too. Then have the other kid come back with all their cool stories and evidence of the fun they have had and the other kid gets all bitter and twisted. It is how jealousy is started amongst siblings. It is actually really hard to deal with.
I would ditch your big plan, and book a picnic where said family can join your family for a day at the park. And if money is the issue then you could offer to cater. The bs about favourites is ridiculous when you have already mentioned you would do it next month and totally get the car logistics, they sound ungrateful and at a guess they seem like they would view you as rich, so could afford it rather than seeing the generous gesture. Be honest and see what they say. If it’s too hard don’t feel bad it’s not your call.
I also can’t stand this jealousy silliness, why cant people say no to kids? I am assuming they are not babies, so if you keep your deal that they both get to hang out with you. Then that is great, of course the other might whine but part of growing up is learning to wait, take turns if we don’t teach them that who will.
Oh my gosh I can’t believe some of these posts suggesting you should “put money aside and take both together”!!! Aside from the fact the OP said that she can only fit ONE extra in her car this is absurd. Budgeting is hard enough with your own family (and the OP said she budgets for these special outings as they’re on one wage) let alone trying to put money aside to take other people’s children out with them. Your brother and his wife are being rude. There are no two ways about it. They are being rude. It’s not like you only took one of their kids and never took the other. Tell them nicely as you have posted above. Even do it in a text if you feel that would make it easier. They are taking advantage of your beautiful kindness. Be careful there. Sounds like they’d take advantage of you if you let them. You are so kind. Good luck.