For 5 years I have been with a man who I knew from the start was no good.
For the past 3 years we have had no intimate connection (be it sex or kissing). I have tried to talk to him many times about this but he gets angry and tells me to accept that he just doesn't want sex.
He smokes non stop despite me telling him we cannot afford it. (at least $120 each week on cigarettes) and then gets mad at me because we have no money.
When we first started dating he alienated me from my friends and family and we moved interstate to be closer to his family.
Now here I am, we have just bought a home together, we both work full time but he does not help me with anything. He gets angry and breaks things and he then blames me for "pushing him over the edge". I have tried to make this work and I have nothing left in me.
I have 2 kids that are not his. I do not want my son growing up and thinking that this behavior is ok.
How do I leave, I know he would be spiteful and expect me to pay the mortgage but I would not be able to stay in our house. I want to see it but I cannot approach that with him, going home or moving closer to family is not an option. I have court orders with my kids dad that I can only move so far from where I am.
I have no support and no money.
I need to be able to organise a house for me and my kids, but I also need to find care for my kids while I am at work (late nights and weekends) I am in a very good position at my job aside from the hours (changing hours is not an option)
Once I am set up I know I will be ok financially, it is just the thought of him being difficult in selling the house and the thought of him getting angry and making everything harder than it needs to be.
How do I do this? how do people just leave when they have nothing to get by on and no where to go?
2 Replies
Well done on getting the courage to know you need to leave. That is a big first step.
He cannot be spiteful and make you pay the mortgage if he continues living there, it's a joint asset so yes if you up and leave you do need to contribute or at least one of you needs to make repayments still. I'd approach the bank and tell them of your intentions and also contact a lawyer/solicitor to discuss what you can do.
Is there a chance you can discuss with your workplace your situation and take 2 weeks of annual leave to get yourself sorted out (whilst still being paid). Use the time to go to Centrelink and get yourself set up with payments or at least speak to someone about what you are going through. They can help you.
Can you contact your kid's dad and maybe talk to him about your situation and get something drawn up saying that for X amount of weeks you'll be living X distance away? Hopefully he could understand what you are going through and be supportive.
If you're worried about him becoming angry and making it hard on you, I suggest taking a day off work and packing everything up, load the car and have it all ready to go. If you don't have a close friend to support you, I'd maybe ask someone from your workplace or even your local church to be there when you leave, just as support and to help you actually leave. Quite frankly, you don't have much holding you together except a house.. the kids aren't his so you can just leave without him cracking it about taking them from him.
Good luck <3
Lots of people feel like its so hard/ impossible.. but its not. Step by step,line up your ducks and make your move.
You can rent, you can work, you'll be able to do it.